company. | jori

Eleven: The Reality of It All

Tori

I am completely frozen where I lay. My mind is screaming at me to drop my arm from around Jade's waist, to pull back from her head pressed against my neck, to ignore her soft breath, or the way she mumbles and scoots impossibly closer to me. As if trying to meld with me.

I can't move. Because holy shit. Holy shit. Oh my God. I just slept with Jade West. Like full on, she was naked, I made her come, we slept in the same bed afterwards.

I fucked Jade West.

This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up! How could I do this? How could I have thought this was okay? It's worse the way I find myself leaning into her touch even now as I'm thinking these things.

Stop it, Tori.

This shouldn't have happened. I can't believe this happened. What the fuck? What the fuck? My mind is looping the same words over and over again, trying to come up with an excuse, just something to make this all make sense.

But it doesn't. This makes no sense.

Why was Jade suddenly so interested in being with me? Did I say something to give her the wrong idea? I mean, of course, I know she's been trying to kiss me. I'm not stupid, and I won't pretend to be. But it's never made sense to me and I suppose I never dared to question it. Just... Accepted it.

Why would somebody who's been nothing but mean to me from the start seem to want nothing more than just me at the end of it all?

Where was all of the escalation? The progression? The development? Am I crazy? Has it been happening this whole time?

Because I feel like I just passed out on top of a building and woke up the next second on the pavement outside of it.

"You're warmer whenever you're relaxed, stop thinking so much," Jade mumbles into my skin, gripping me tighter to her in the same moment. All I can do is swallow the lump in my throat and nod. Closing my eyes once again despite the light filtering through my curtains.

I knew it wasn't a good idea, I knew.

I just want to fall back asleep. If I'm asleep I can't think about this. But I know it's Jade's arms wrapped around me that'll keep me awake, so it's no use to even try.

Then her phone rings.

She groans and starts to untangle herself from me, sitting up to answer her phone but not before kissing me on the cheek.

My face burns.

"Oh, hey babe!" Jade says as she answers her phone, shooting me a glance that I can't even begin to try to read into. I turn over on my side and face the window, refusing to show Jade any of my face in case she can read what I'm feeling. Because I don't even know what I'm feeling, and I don't want Jade West to know something I don't.

"Yeah, Merry Christmas," she says after a few seconds, getting up and heading to my closet to find some clothes to put on.

She then makes her way over to my vanity where she's started a small collection of her makeup products thanks to her sleeping over so often now.