The First Year

Testing the Waters

Harry settled into bed, the hot chocolate a soothing warmth in his stomach, gazing up at the ceiling. He was drained, but was more than a little frightened to fall asleep. Even the naps he'd taken yesterday and that afternoon were plagued by nightmares. He slowly inhaled and released the breath. They're just dreams. It's not like before. They're not real... He rolled over to his side and let his eyes trace the crack in the plaster. It was starting to annoy him. Sitting up, he opened the drawer of the night table and pulled the moleskin pouch from it. Tucked inside was the picture of his father and him on Harry's first birthday. It was the one that Snape had ripped in half. Harry wondered, as he tacked it to the wall, if he would ever be able to find the half that had his mother in it. He doubted it. Harry supposed Snape's belongings had either been destroyed or disposed of in some fashion. He got up and rummaged through his knapsack, unearthing the photograph album from underneath a welter of ragged jumpers.

Harry took the album back to bed with him, and lit the small lamp next to the bed. He paged through the book, the images of his parents waving at him. There were a few of Lily, heavily pregnant, looking slightly disgruntled, but smiling gamely for the camera. There were several taken after he'd been born, the awe clearly visible on his father's face and the exhilaration radiating from his mother's, as they held his tiny, squirming body. A photograph of Remus holding the infant Harry caught Harry's attention. Remus' hungry gaze struck Harry in particular. He remembered the evening Remus had come to Grimmauld Place last August, terrified of becoming a father, but in this photograph, Harry could see how badly Remus had wanted to become one. He felt an unmistakable tingle in his eyes, as he remembered how delighted Remus had been the night Teddy was born. Harry blinked and took several deep breaths. He'd done enough crying that night.

Harry lifted his head and gazed it in the direction of Ginny's room. He thought about the two of them, cradling their own child. Snorting, he shook his head. 'Getting a little ahead of yourself, Potter,' he murmured, glancing back down at the photographs. Sirius grinned up at him as he proudly cuddled baby Harry. Frowning, Harry tried to remember if there had ever been anything done for Sirius. He didn't think so, but he wasn't sure. At the time of Sirius' death, he had been considered a convicted criminal, guilty of the deaths of thirteen people, and his death had occurred under circumstances the Ministry didn't want made public. And officially, Sirius had been a fugitive and not even supposed to be in London. Harry looked at his godfather's smiling face. It didn't seem fair that Snape had been honored, but Sirius, who had lost his freedom, his life, and his best friends, was forgotten. You make damn sure they're not forgotten, echoed Ginny's voice in his head.

Harry pushed the bedding away and searched through the desk in the bedroom, coming up with a small piece of parchment, a usable quill, and an old bottle of ink. Harry quickly scratched out a note and sealed it. He'd have to ask Ron if he could use Pig in the morning. Harry knew he was going to have to find a successor to Hedwig someday, but he couldn't make himself leave the Burrow to go to Diagon Alley and Eeylops yet. There were too many people to face, and the idea of crowds bothered him.

Climbing back into bed, Harry propped himself up against the headboard, and continued to page through the photo album until he fell asleep, the book open across his lap, his hand resting over a photograph of James and Lily dancing at their wedding.

After lunch, Ginny found Harry in the tool shed poking in a cupboard. 'What are you doing?' Ginny inquired from the door to the tool shed.

Harry jumped and smacked his head on the edge of the cabinet he was investigating. 'Ow!' He emerged, rubbing the smarting area of his head, checking his fingers for blood. 'Warn a bloke next time, would you?' he said crossly.

Ginny walked to where Harry knelt on the ground, nudging a tarp-wrapped bundle next to him with her toes. 'What's that?'

'Dunno yet.' Harry stood and stretched, arching his back a little.