He knows he likes to make you scared, just to see
How much you care
He was never going anywhere
And he knows you play the same games too,
But you keep losing
He was too good
He was way too good
JJK x reader
0822210050110
Or maybe, it all started here, when every other thing felt irrelevant in front of him....
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The whole day, you had a lot in your mind. That even after coming home, till the evening, your brain stayed numb. Basically, in your room upstairs, fiddling, arching and trying hard in meditating. The last one was a stupid idea from your best friend as he was so confident today earlier in premises, in enlightening you with different positive outcomes from meditation for calm mind. And dont even know why, you seriously listened to him and were now practicing for real.
Adding more, eventually just to increase your bubbling anger and irritation much more, lady Gayna decided to show up. You respected her a lot, she is an elder, and only for the sake of that you kept your lips sealed welcoming her in and storming right back at your bedroom upstairs to avoid any kind of upsetting scene. Specially not when you were in between the phone call with your brother.
She's downstairs, in the living area, you know. The little noises she's making is obvious to guess she is probably preparing something for you to eat― a little gesture she does always to show her care.
But truthfully, you hate it when they start babying you. When unintentionally they make you realise that there's something wrong with you, and you need their eyes, their care, those medicines and all.
Your eyes roll at the sight of the pills that stays on the table in the corner, you want to stay normal, act normal but these little things are the greatest obstacles in it.
How can you stay normal when there's always a pill waiting for you to swallow down your throat― indicating you need to swallow down some of the events of the past, some of the people, to stay calm. How can you act normal when there's always a person standing by you just to make sure you're in control and not ruining anything― directing your mind of the time when they missed to keep an eye and how that resulted in the worse nightmare created by you.
And eventually with these things, how can you breathe the fresh air freely when in every other week you need to visit those places for those therapies they say, keeping the words that you need them, it is necessary and a positive factor for your state, and how it is for your good,
but again the thing alone is the scariest for you...
Cause of the way those voices shout to the unbearable point, like they've been hammered a pointed needle endlessly through each words thrown by those people who call themselves as therapists. When eventually with every voice, every word banging your head when they shout, when they visualise the things of the past in your eyes, you feel a piece of you shredding little by little.
You sigh going round the table keeping the phone tucked towards your ear.
You need to let it go. Avoid these thoughts. Out of everything, your brother is the one caring and doing all these, so you need to accept and not complain, cause if anything you have come to realise in these years is that you've always been and you'll always be, his first priority in all, his love for you is ethereal even with the flaws you carry, the mistakes you've committed, and that is beyond the world, beyond anything or anyone and the only thing you need to live for.
