Patronous of Bliss »-------> Prongsfoot

Chapter 1: Endless Worry

I am sorry for my crap writing, I felt like I had to apologize for even publishing this shit, I am so sorry, sorry😭😭

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For a moment, I just stood there contemplating whether or not it would be advisable to take off my ring and throw it at him. The audacity.

Sirius stared at me for a second, waiting for my reaction. When I didn't give any, he simply shrugged and continued dabbing at his wrist with antiseptic.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Cleaning up. ", was the curt reply. Curt. This bitch.

"You promised me. "

"You promised me that you wouldn't cheat in this exams too Reg, some promises are meant to be broken. At least we are square now. "

I gaped at him for a moment. Did he really just compare self harm to exams? That too Tuneless *¹ ones?

"There. See? No harm done. "

Actually, there was a lot of harm done. The carpet was soaked with blood, God knows how long he let the wound bleed before patching up. The room reeked of antiseptic and there were bits of gauze and bandage all over the bed. A blade caked in blood was lying on the bedside table.

"Sure. No harm done. "

Sirius rolled his eyes and tried to sit up, but plopped back down with a wince. Somehow, that made the situation feel more real.

As a 12 year old, I never had a lot of experience with depression or self harm before, so I didn't know what else to do. Secretly I wish I still didn't know what depression exactly was, but whatever. I remember feeling nauseated as a saw a trickle of blood roll down his arm; the bandage wasn't tight enough. As Sirius unrolled the bandage with a sigh to redo it again, I exited the room, feeling melancholy.

He always used to be like that back then, constantly being in a crippled emotional mindset paired with self acquired crippled physical health.

That day wasn't particularly important, so I don't remember everything just as it happened, but I remember feeling helpless. I couldn't help and didn't know what to so, so I just decided to hit up the person who might know what to do.

James.

He had picked up on the second ring, worry lining his voice as it always did, with a tired undertone. *²

"Is it Sirius again? Is he cutting again?"

I was still feeling nauseous so I nodded, then realised I was on the phone and spoke up, *³

"Y-yeah. But he has cleaned up now and–"

He hung up. I put my phone back in my pocket, and walked back up the stairs and entered my own room. A few minutes later, I thought I heard voices from Sirius' room, but I was too tired to investigate. The last thing I remember hearing before falling asleep was the sound of glass shattering. *⁴

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Footnotes
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*¹ Tuneless : This means Muggle. Will be explained later on, if you continue to read this extremely boring and shitty book, that is.

*² He had picked up on the second ring, worry lining his voice as it always did, with a tired undertone. : It is mentioned in the previous paragraph that Reggie didn't remember much about the day, and yet, this paragraph, and the previous ones, have excruciating detail. Please note that this is not a plothole, sometimes people remember specific details of a certain event but not the whole of the event in general, well, at least that happens in my case? Is it a weird thing to happen??

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³ I was still feeling nauseous so I nodded, then realised I was on the phone and spoke up: It was mentioned in canon that wizards didn't use modern technologies, that's part of what made the OG books so charming and different, but HI this is fanon, and I suppose this a trailor for how very clique this book is going to be. It involves over villianisation of certain characters and certain...smooth overs for others, if you have a problem, please leave. This is my fanon and you literally don't have to agree, I don't care. But please don't be hateful cause I am a bit sick of it already -_-

*⁴ The last thing I remember hearing before falling asleep was the sound of glass shattering. : This part seems sudden and glazes over because no other mention of night has been there before it, but if I tried to squeeze that fact in, it would just make things extra. Sorry.

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OMFF HERE IS THE FIST NEW CHAPTER AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SO DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST ONE IS THIS BAD IS THIS VERY BAD I NEED FEEDBACK. FEEEEEDBAAAACK.

Bai;-;👋

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