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"I think I would die for you..."
Jisung had asked me to a movie on Saturday.But I think I wasn't gonna last today and the next day,let alone Saturday.
Do you want me to tell you what happened?
It was just an ordinary school day,and I was waiting for Han so we could meet up at the campus together as he had promised.I caught sight of him coming from where I was,but he was not alone.There was a-a...girl with him.
I don't mean that I don't want him to hang out with other girls,but...he looked so happy with her.He was laughing and smiling,making all sorts of faces and making the girl laugh along.
I don't ever remember him being that happy with me.
I just left the place and rushed out from the campus,trying to hold back tears that wouldn't stop flowing out.I wish he were me,so he could understand how hurt I was.
The next day,I totally tried my best to pretend that nothing had happened.And Han was so sweet and friendly as usual,so I could not stay mad at him though he didn't know.He casually asked me if I would want to watch a movie with him on Saturday night,and my other self could have said"no",but "yes,why not" came out instead.
So now here I am,thinking about what happened that day.Did that day actually happen?
Or am I just imagining things that will never come true?Because I do that often...more than I ever contemplated about life or death.
I stood up and got out to the school hallway,tired of my own useless thoughts."Maybe I should just give up on him..."Maybe it was early to come to that conclusion,but I am just so tired of not being able to have the things that I want.
"What are you saying??"
I turned around and saw Han looking confused.Hurt,to say the truth.
"Give up on who?"
"I-I was just talking to...myself!It's nothing!!Really..."
"Really?"
"Yeah..yeah.."
"Okay...lunch?"
"Oh,okay."
I followed him to the cafeteria,and as usual,he insisted on carrying my lunch tray.
"Han,I can take it myself."
"Let me do it,Y/n."
"No Han,let me carry it."
"Y/n,you always let me.Why today?"
"HAN!![💢]Please!Okay?!"
And with that I took my lunch tray and disappeared from his sight.I couldn't bear to turn back because I knew how easily he got hurt.After disappearing from him,from others,I let out a gasp and wondered what I just did.I had never gotten angry at him before.A tear escaped my eye.
