And to Dust We Shall Return.

famous last words

 Nim ducked as the laser shot split the air. Ricocheting off a metal beam and Sending sparks flying like bits of radioactive tinsel. Nim suppressed a smirk. Which quickly vanished when she remembered that being a lousy shot doesn’t matter so much when you are the only one with the gun.

That Sjors was in possession of said gun though, seemed to have temporarily escaped his notice, as he was standing in the middle of the room with a very odd expression on his face. It looked to Nim, much like the face that people pull when they have just remembered that they are allergic to jakroots actually and that’s why you never eat them because you will pay for it tomorrow won’t you. An impression that was only heightened when his whole body began to squirm madly, as if several particularly flexible garter snakes were having a samba contest in his trousers.  He continued in this vain for some time, until at last his fingers lost their claim on the rifle and it clattered to the ground.  Nim knew a good opportunity when she saw one. And in one fluid motion, she rolled across the floor, grabbed it, and deposited a shot. (Set, to the union approved stun setting.)  Neatly in between Sjors’s shoulder blades. Sjors swayed teeteringly for a moment, then with all the grace of a plank of two by four, fell flat on his face. 

‘Dumbass.’ She said giving him a kick for good measure. (The union had rules against shooting to kill, but kicking to annoy was perfectly fine) 

It was then Nim realized that something, or rather someone, was notably absent from the equation. ‘Clementine?’ She said warily. Sjors might have been her enemy, but at least he had the decency to remain visible. ‘Quit creeping me out.’
 
There was a squeak, and a small pink rat crawled, gingerly out from Sjors’s sleeve. 

‘My apologies.’ It said, becoming rapidly less rat like by degrees.  ‘It was the only way I could think of to slip past him.’

Nim looked at clementine, then at Sjors and back again. ‘That was you...crawling about in there? She said, giving clementine the kind of stare you only give someone who has just retrieved a flip flop from a sewer.

‘It seemed like a good way of distracting him.’ said clementine, clasping her hands together self-consciously. ‘Desperate times you see…’

‘Just count yourself lucky that nose of yours is purely decorative.’ Said Nim, and then she added, because she was a fair minded sort, deep down. ‘But thanks.’ 

‘Oh? You’re ah…you’re welcome.’ clementine replied slowly. As if she was unsure what to do with the words. 

‘Whatever.’ Nim snapped quickly. Running over to the box that Sjors had taped to the wall, which was still flashing ominously. ‘Let’s just get rid of this thing before something goes boom.’

…
 Everyone on the bridge ducked. Burying their heads in their hands like the perennial ostrich, who having been cornered by a lion, decides the best defense against certain doom is to pretend you don’t see it coming.

But though they waited, helpless and quivering. Oblivion never came, as with a last gasp of dramatic potential, the ion cannon sputtered and died. 

Three pairs of eyes (human, artificial, and fish respectively) all turned to the captain. 
With the same goggle eyed dumbfoundment as a mud soaked hitchhiker after a confrontation with a Porsche.

The captains cheeks reddened slightly, and she coughed.  Last words of any sort can be embarrassing when you end up outliving them. But thankfully the initial shock quickly gave way to giddy euphoria, as around them, consoles and viewsceens flickered back to life. Shedding light on to the relieved faces of mason and the doctor, who were already helping victor to his feet.
The poor boy looked like a deep fried microwave, but underneath the wires sweat and soot, he was beaming.
As was mason, who had an arm around him like a proud parent. 

'Maybe there's something to this new-fangled stuff eh kid?' He said. 'I wonder if I could get one of them brain implant thingies. Then I could download the guidebook directly too...

'PleeeEeeSSe NOoo1!!!!' Victor groaned, in barely audible beeps.'

Would not be advisable. Added the doctor, a few wry bubbles escaping from his suit. For older humans, very risky procedure. 

'Oi now! That’s some cheek…'

The captain sighed a deep sigh of relief. They'd come close enough to disaster this time, that she was glad to hear them bickering. Just this once.

'I think you've had quite enough technobabble for the time being.’ She said, ‘Now for goodness sake get to sickbay both of you, before Victor explodes himself again.’

The pair didn’t need to be told twice, and they hobbled limply out. Closely followed by the doctor, who was already making a mental list of all the surgeries he was going to perform.

'Oh!'  added the captain before they could reach the door. 'I forgot to tell you…'
They all tensed, clearly expecting to be given a one last dressing down.
But instead she shook each of their hands in turn. It was a paltry reward, after what they had been through. But until she had a chance to give them commendations, it was all she could give them. ‘Thank you. All of you. It's not everyday we manage to save a whole colony and ourselves.I could certainly get used to it.'

'I C0uldN't%&*' beeped Victor.

The captain smiled warmly. Impulsive as he was, Victor certainly had the right stuff, when it counted.‘I don't blame you there. Now off you go. I need to find the commander. Somebody is going to have a lot of explaining to do.'