Last First Date

Part 4. Fear of unknown

The week passed quickly and I didn't have enough time to ponder the situation and Noah's behaviour. My aunt's birthday was in a day and I'd been so busy I hadn't managed to buy a present yet, so today was the last opportunity. Though I wasn't very eager to go to the mall on Friday evening cause I could vividly imagine how many crowds there were, but unfortunately I didn't have any other options.

The mall was a total mess, loads of teens, parents with crying toddlers and just other common people like me, who evidently weren't there of their own will, I even caught several sympathetic looks on me

My aunt was a great woman, she was exactly that "rich sassy aunt". She was my mum's elder sister, but there weren't any children or a husband, however she was very ambitious, wealthy and self-confident. Leah and I loved her a lot, especially when we had been small. Aunt Ann always bought us sweets and presents without any reason and took us to the cinema on Sundays. So, I wasn't surprised when she said that we were going to the club on her birthday.

I was looking through books on feminism and psychology, struggling to find something Ann hadn't read yet, when I saw Kyle, Noah's old friend we hanged out with, I really liked her, she seemed to be a good friend, but unfortunately we lost our connection after Noah and I broke up.

- Kyle? - I wondered and came up closer to the girl

- Oh, Olly, hi, how are you, love? - she smiled brightly and my heart flattered, I was happy to see her again

- I'm fine, I missed you - I answered shyly, it was strange and sudden desire to confess my true feelings but maybe I was too tired to play pretend, my guard was off, but Kyle was the person I could trust, so I wasn't embarrassed at all

- I missed you too, Olly, really. I'm so sorry you two broke up - Kyle didn't name him, she didn't need to though, we both clearly understood who she referred to and I twitched at the memories of him and our mutual past.

- Yeah, erm- I don't know- I- it so fucking complicated Kyle- my heartbeat was erratic and I didn't like the feeling at all, apparently she noticed that desperate impression on my face and said:

- Let's go, we have to talk- she put it with all the confidence that could be implied and I didn't mind to finally speak up my mind either, so we made our way to the nearest coffee shop and ordered some food and drinks.

- So, what's the matter? You know, you can level with me, yeah? - the smile on Kyle's face was so warm and comforting that I just wanted to lose myself in it and hide away from all the problems.

- I don't know-or well- maybe I do know, actually- ah, ok- I sighed heavily, it was the moment to admit I missed him not only to the girl, but to myself as well. So, I did it

- I think, I suppose- that maybe, perhaps I- I might only a little bit, slightly- miss Noah - the sentence was literally heavy, I could feel the weight on my back, but now when I suddenly put it down even breathing wasn't that difficult anymore, it felt like relief

- Oh, love, I see. Have you tried to talk to him, maybe you still can work it out?

- Well, he came around on Sunday and-

- To your place? - she interrupted, surprise formed in her eyes

- Erm-yes, but he came to take his stuff Kyle, ok? It's not like he wanted to see me or came to make up or something but- I stopped thinking whether I should tell her about the picture or not, maybe it just looked to me like he missed me too and I tried to convince myself of that only because I wanted him to miss me as much as I did

- Buuuttt? Ollie, what's that? Ok, you don't have to tell me if it's something personal, I'll get it, ok? - she smiled and put her hand on mine. I can't help but smile back. Suddenly Kyle started to laugh slightly

- Oh, Ollie, if you only could see your sad puppy face. Oh, Lord, you're in love, aren't you?

- No, I'm fucking not, Kyle! - I shouted too loud- shit- I started almost in whisper, trying not to look at shocked customers who now gave me surprised looks- no, ok, you see, everything is just too complicated, but I'm not like in love love

- Ok, not in love love but in love? - she teased me friendly

- Well, yes? But like no

- Fuck, Oliver! How old are you? Just admit it and don't try to run away from yourself. Love is a great feeling and there's absolutely nothing bad or embarrassing about being in love with someone and I think that, maybe, Noah does feel the same

- Wait-wha-what do you mean? - I was really confused, the thought that Noah could love me was intimidating, I even wasn't sure what exactly I felt myself and all that together made my head slowly spin round

- I talked to him and I don't want to scare you but- Ollie, he's not ok, not even a little bit. There's something off about him and he started to drink heavily again and he's seeing all these boys once again. Oh, god...I was so happy when you appeared in his life, because-cause he changed and for better, really. Noah, he has a difficult life and his parents' death affected him a lot, he changed but I don't like to see how he's wasting his life. You should talk to him, please, Ollie, he needs you, not for me but for him-

I could see fear in the girl's eyes and it made me sick. Kyle was the type of person who wasn't afraid of anything, every time she was so rational and wise and now despair on her face gave off that even though she asked not to be scared, she was scared herself and it made me scared as well...
- Kyle?

- Yeah?

- Do you think everything can be fine again?

- Honestly? I don't know, Ollie, but at least we can try

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Next part is one of my favourite so far! I'm really excited about it