LINGR

[Three] How Fucking Lonely I Am

After my date/hang-out with Fred, we texted for a bit and made loose plans to meet again soon, but he's unavailable this weekend. At any rate, we've been acting more like friends than anything else through our messages over the past week, and that's fine with me. Fred and I are in different places in life (well, eternal life for me). As a magical creature born, he grew up in the Underworld, whereas I was forcibly brought into it—and at the weirdest timing, too, the same night the human world and Underworld coalesced into one. When I told Fred that over text, he responded as such:

Fred: Wow, that is eerie—the timing on that, I mean. It may turn out to be a blessing for you, though. Growing up in the Underworld was just normal for me, but so was hiding from humans. There are significantly more humans in this world than Underworlders, so it wasn't always so fun. For you, though, maybe you have a chance to be yourself and still keep the humans in your life close.

I see what he was getting at, but the thought of reconnecting with the humans in my life made me uncomfortable. It had been three months since I had essentially disappeared. I didn't know how to tell them I was okay, and the police have never found me as a vampire fledgling. And with the news of the Underworld and human world joining together, my parents had little chance to raise awareness and seek news coverage on my disappearance. I can't imagine what they're feeling...

No, we are not going down that road. What's done is done. For everyone's sake, including my own, moving forward is the only way. So, when the weekend finally arrives, I open LINGR again from the comfort of my cushioned coffin and start swiping.

Huh, this nonbinary human looks cute. Up for yes. Wait, but what if they think I want to suck their blood?! Change that to a no... Ugh, no, I'm not into zombies—well, at least not that zombie, with their jaw hanging halfway off their head. Down for no.

After a while, I get bored like I would with Tinder in my human days. No one has messaged me, so I decide to finally get out of my coffin now that it's nighttime and stroll to my kitchen in my underwear to get a blood packet to suck on. As if in anticipation, my fangs quiver. They're thirstier than my sex drive, honestly, which I wish I could say was a nice change, but I'd rather have my sex drive back.

By the time I stroll back to my coffin, my screen is lit up with two notifications: a text and a message on LINGR. I raise an eyebrow and lower the blood packet from my stained lips. Damn technology. Damn social media. You've got your hand squeezed around my heart because you know how fucking lonely I am.

I put my thumb on the sensor, and my phone unlocks. I open LINGR first, seeing a message from someone named Martha.

Martha: You seem interesting. Plans tonight?

 Vic: Not into hookups rn. Sorry.

Maybe it was a bit harsh, but it's true. A message pings immediately.

Martha: You're pretty forward, jeez! No, I'm at a speakeasy not far from wherever you're at, according to LINGR's GPS feature. Damn, that sounded creepy, didn't it hahaha

Oh, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't assume the worst of people. I quickly respond back:

Vic: Oh, sorry! I didn't understand what you meant. 

Martha: That's okay! I'm just here by myself, waiting for a friend to arrive, and looking for someone to hang out with. You seem cool. :)

I always wonder how people can tell from a simple profile how or who someone is. I scroll back to her profile: she's cute and got a spring of orangey-red curls on her head, and her eyes are brown but have the faintest glimmer of hazel. Though I can only see her from the shoulders up, she looks like she has some muscles, which is more than I can say about myself.

I mean, I have nothing else to do tonight... but if I tell Martha that she might think I'm desperate. Then again, she's the one who just said she's alone and looking for someone to hang out with... As friends? As potential fuckbuddies? As what?!

Something that never disappears, even if you become an undead vampire like me, is anxiety.

Vic: Thanks! Yeah, I'd love to meet up

Too excited. Come on, self, act cool and suave and whatever! Or is that too heteronormative? I have to pull myself together.

Vic: Thanks! It would be fun to meet up. What's the name of the speakeasy?

Martha responds quickly with the location, and I open it in Apple Maps. Huh, it's really just a few blocks from my apartment. I didn't know there was anything like that around here. Dope. I scroll out of that and see the icon for a text message.

Abi: hey hot stuff, what are you up to tonight? ;)

I smirk. Abi's too flirtatious for her own good, even toward her friends. It's a wonder she even approached me that night those few months ago... She pulled me out of the basement of the Underworld Irish pub I had unknowingly walked into as a human. I don't know, I was just bored that night and thought I could corral some of my other friends to come out and meet me, like my best friend Kalki. They were always down for a good time, but no one responded, and I drank too quickly and then... someone coerced me down the stairs to the basement? It all blurs together, and I don't like to think about it...

Anyway, that was just before the Underworld was revealed, and then—yeah. I was turned. Abi found me. After she pulled me back up the stairs, she pulled out blood packets from behind the bar and made me a Bloody Mary—actually filled with blood and not tomato juice—to make sure I didn't die. Apparently, fledglings only have about a day to drink human blood to begin the transition, otherwise they'll begin withering away. As unpleasant as being a vampire was, ceasing to exist wasn't on my agenda either.

Then, she explained everything to me: vampirism, the Underworld, and how the news had just broken that the Underworld was now revealed to the human public. "You sure have weird timing, fledgling," she had said. "Or rather, the one who turned you..."

After that, I didn't trust myself to be around my family, and the world was still so chaotic after the revelation of the Underworld. Humans were scared of Underworlders, and Underworlders were scared of humans, despite now having the freedom to go around in public. Not knowing what else to do, I left and wandered the streets. The wind whipped around me as the thirst for blood screamed from my tongue and throat. People kept skittering away from me, and I was convinced they knew. They just knew what kind of monster I was.

When I returned to the Irish pub a few hours after closing, Abi was still there, as if she knew I'd return. She raised an eyebrow. "Damn, this is pathetic," she said. "You're putting your number into my phone, and I'm calling you tomorrow. Consider me your vampire mentor. Also, there is Underworld temp housing around the corner. Go there." And she did, and I suppose that's the end of that. At first, I was really confused if she was flirting with me by insult or insulting me by flirt, but we're still friends, I guess, so that's something.

Speaking of which, I better stop reminiscing and respond to her.

Vic: I miiiiiight have a casual date a la LINGR

She responds immediately. I swear she's psychic, but she's told me that's the stuff of witches, not vampires. Still, there must be something for decades of developing your sense of intuition.

Abi: ooo, don't let me get in the way of that. What species?

That question is... weird. Is that a thing Underworlders normally care about? Where are all the bi-species Underworlders, now that I think about it? They have to exist somewhere.

To save me from the embarrassment and philosophical crises, I don't respond and decide to hop in the shower and get myself ready to meet Martha. The coffin smell is starting to wear off on me. I really do need to clean it.