Ɽ₳ĐłØĐɄ₴₮

wakeup call

ωαяиιиg: ¢σитαιиѕ α∂υℓт ¢σитєит!! νιєωєя ∂ιѕ¢яєтισи α∂νιѕє∂!! 

Angel

This is crazy. This is actually insane. I'm in the shower, and I'm still trying to process what happened in the kitchen yesterday. 

Are there... rules for this situation? Like, are there do's and don'ts? I'm trying to navigate, but I don't know exactly what to do or where to go. 

So we've kissed a few times. Big deal. I just... I don't know where to take this. Do I kiss him whenever we're alone now? Do I avoid him? Do I act like nothing happened? Does he even feel the same way? Does any of this even matter to him?

I shake my head in frustration. This is driving me mad. 

I finish up showering, toweling off and flopping into bed in a loose shirt and short shorts. Soon after laying down, I fall into an uneasy sleep plagued with dreams of Alastor and kisses and Valentino's wrath. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

The next day is when I'm supposed to be filming with the collaborative company. I get up and drag myself through my morning routine, hoping the co-star- or someone important, at least- will call in sick. 

But no one does, so finally, I open my door and start walking down the halls. 

Then I hear Alastor calling my name. "Angel! Come here, please?" 

I stop slowly. Turn around. He's in something other than his suit- a red pajama set, decorated with black inverted crosses and musical notes. I try to hide a smile. They're totally goofy and totally him. 

I walk back towards him. "Yeah?" I ask, looking him up and down one more time. 

I watch as he struggles with words. "I... Well, I mean... I just- I wanted to know- I mean, would like to know- I mean- Oh, to hell with it!" he exclaims finally. "What are we?" he asks, fidgeting. He looks uncomfortable as soon as he says it, though, as if he wishes he could take it back. 

I sigh. "Al, I don't think you could have picked a worse time. I'm late for work, and today's a shooting day, so I'm going to have to be brief with you. I don't know, okay? We've kissed a few times, and yeah, I want something more because I am into you and you do seem like a great guy- despite being a serial killer with a sadistic side- but there's the issue of Val, and I don't really know where you stand. Honestly, you can take this where you want, but whatever you choose, I'll be happy with it and I won't argue with you. I'll respect your decision and I promise I won't hate you if it's not what I want."

Perfect. (I had rehearsed this in the shower about eighty times last night.) 

As I talk, I watch his expressions shift. Mortified and frozen mid-smile, as if he were someone who horribly miscalculated but doesn't know what to do. Elated. Slightly uncomfortable. Relieved. 

"Anyways... I gotta go. See you later?" I ask. "I know it's a lot to take in, and you can tell me how you feel and what you think later. Okay?" 

He nods slowly, as if he's in a daydream. 

"Good talk," I say, laughing awkwardly, then walk out downstairs, out the door, and hail a cab. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Work is awful from the moment I step in the door; I have to grit my teeth as Valentino cozies up to me and breathes his cigarettes all over me. After a few minutes, it's more bearable, but I still have a nagging feeling of hatred behind my brain. It's too small to grab ahold of, though, so I let it go, sinking into my Valentino-version of Angel.

He clings to me as I get ready, simpering over every little thing, fluffing me up and finding reasons to run his hands all over me. 

"You know, directing and watching this is going to be... difficult for me," he purrs. "I've grown... dangerously attached to you."

"Really?" I ask detachedly, drawing eyeliner on. 

"Absolutely. Why, I have to keep myself from locking you up with me at night and dragging you with me everywhere." He chuckles, exhaling smoke in lazy rings. "I have to keep myself from slicing open the creeps that watch you dance- I'm starting to want you all to myself," he hisses, eyes glowing a brighter shade of pink. The only pink I hate. 

This is starting to turn in a bad direction. I swallow. "What do you mean?" I ask nervously. 

"What I mean is that you belong to me and I think I'd rather kill you than see you doing the things we do with anyone else," he says lightly, as if it's completely normal to say these things in day-to-day conversation. "Or maybe, I'd just kill the other person and keep you as my pet forever."

My cat eye is beginning to resemble a robbers' mask. I notice and clean it off quickly, relining to match the other good-looking eye. 

"You've gone silent, my love. Did I hit a nerve? Are you... keeping something from me?" Val asks slowly, his tone taking a dangerous edge. 

"What? No, of course not!" I say quickly. "I was just... overwhelmed that you care so much for me that you'd go those lengths," I say, praying he'll buy the lie. 

He relaxes again. "Well, between you and me, you are my favorite," he says, smiling wide. His gold tooth glints. I hate that tooth. I got one to match, back when I was young and foolish and thought he was the One. 

Someone knocks on the door. "Shooting in 10!" They call. 

Val perks up. "They're ready for you, sugar," he whispers. He peels himself off me, walking towards the door. He turns back as he reaches for the handle. "Now, I'm sure you won't forget what I said. Isn't that right, my love?" he asks, eyes narrowing into a dangerous shade of pink. 

I nod weakly, smiling as wide as I can. 

"Good," he smirks. Crazy how different his smile is from Alastor's. Crazy how much more I hate it. He opens the door. "See you in five," he purrs, tendrils of smoke curling after him as he steps out into the hallway and shuts the door.

I wheel around and fall into my chair again, a sick, panicky feeling in my gut spreading throughout my body. 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! How could I be so stupid to think I could ever escape Valentino? How could I possibly begin to imagine a future without him? He's never going to let me go. How could I be so selfish to to even think about letting anything happen between me and Alastor?! I'd be putting us both in danger!

I sink my head into my hands, breathing speeding up. 

Why am I so stupid? Why am I so naïve? Why did I let myself believe in something that can never happen? Why did I let myself think, for just a second, that there could be any other reality than this one? 

My vison blurs. It feels like my head is spinning around and around. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Am I having a panic attack? 

Another knock on the door. "Shooting in two! Co-star, we need you on the floor!" 

Right. 

I dry my eyes. 

Shove the feeling down. 

Stand up, square my shoulders, check my reflection once more.

Take a deep breath, step outside. 

I make myself okay. Because if I don't, who will? 

Nobody, that's who.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .