fainting fan girl ~ t.h

Chapter 20: i said it.

Y/n's pov

I spent the next couple of days confused by thoughts of Tom. They were driving me mad. I was thinking about our year together; the tea room, spending time with friends, parties, movie nights. I wanted to believe that he really did have feelings for me but we've known each other for a while now...why hasn't he asked me out? Whilst questioning myself, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Hey y/n, the guys are gonna be over soon but if you don't want them over I can cancel?" Maya smiled. She knew I was going through a hard time right now and had been the sweetest.

"No of course I want them over. I'll get ready now." I smiled back.

I came downstairs, helped maya put out snacks and got a movie ready. Sitting down on the sofa, I felt my anxiety rising thinking about seeing Tom. I hadn't felt this in months and it was horrible. Maya instinctively knew what was going on.

"Y/n, you're going to be fine. Look, worst case scenario, I'll make up an excuse and ask them to leave!"

"Oh god no, don't do that. I appreciate it and I love you but it's fine, I'll get through it." I weakly smiled.

I heard a knock at the door and went to answer it.

"Hey y/n, what's up?" Jacob grinned and hugged me.

"Hey Jacob." I smiled back.

"Yoooo y/n." Zendaya hugged me as well.

"Hey love." Tom spoke softly. God his voice alone gives me butterflies.

"Hey Tom." I smiled. Unintentionally avoiding a hug, I followed zendaya into the living room. I immediately felt bad but I couldn't even handle the emotions a hug gave me right now.

"So what we watching?" Zendaya asked.

Toms pov

As I went to hug y/n, she turned and followed zendaya into the living room.

That was weird.

Did I do something to upset her? I mean she smiled at me so I don't think she's mad. I'm probably overthinking it, it's just that we always hug.

"So what are we watching?" Zendaya asked.

"Civil war." Y/n smiled.

"Ah, is that so you get to look at my handsome face in reality and on screen?" I smirked.

She simply rolled her eyes and smiled.

Okay, I may be overanalysing again but she would usually make a flirty comment back. And thinking about it, she hasn't messaged me since I saw her the morning after her birthday. There was something off. I needed to talk to her.

Y/n's pov

About half way through the film, Tom got up to get a drink. On his way back, he tapped me in the shoulder. 

"Hey, is there anywhere we can talk privately?" He whispered. The prospect made me extremely anxious but I felt bad for how I was acting towards him. I nodded and we went to my bedroom and sat on my bed.

"So, I cant help but get the feeling that somethings wrong. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I forced a smile.

"Well I felt like you were off with me and wanted to know if I did something to upset you?" His face dropped a little and he began to fiddle with his hands.

God I feel awful.

"No, I've just been feeling a little out-of-sorts the past couple days that's all."

"Oh, well is there anything I can do to help?" He placed his hand on mine sending chills through my body.

"N-no thank you." I slowly pulled my hand away from his.

"Okay no. This is stupid. Why are you being so weird with me? And don't come up with some bullshit." He stood up and began to pace my room. "What did I do wrong? Did I say something? Please just tell me!"

TW: PANIC ATTACK

"I-" I felt my heartbeat speed up and my breathing quicken. I was panicking. My eyes began to well up, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to talk but failed.

"Y/n? Oh shit-"

He rushed back over and held me gently. I noticed how he knew not to hug me too tight otherwise that can make it worse. He began to stroke my hair and rock slightly to calm me. We just did this for 5 minutes until I was breathing properly again.

"I'm sorry." I sniffled.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted." He spoke softly whilst still holding me.

"You shouldn't apologise Tom, it's not because of you. Well it is but not because of the reason you think just-" I took a deep breathe in before deciding.

I needed to tell him. I got my anxiety out, I was too tired to have another panic attack so in some twisted way, this was the perfect time.

"Just that I like you."

Oh god. I said it.