Regret, Remorse, Hold On || Drarry

ONE

It happened for the first time in Charms.

Harry hadn't been entirely concentrating and he was half-convinced he'd imagined it, but then it happened again. All he'd been trying to do was cast a simple silencing charm, something he'd been able to easily do since fifth year, something he didn't – shouldn't – even have to think about.

And yet.

He's certain he didn't accidentally cast a stupefy. No, he was definitely aiming for a silencing charm, and yet somehow he managed to produce a stupefy that went hurtling towards the back wall. It connected silently with the stone, but Harry felt its impact like a drum, as if it had been fired directly at him. He felt it in his core, his magical core, like a bolt of lightning coursing through him.

What in Merlin's name could have happened? He knew how to cast a silencing charm, had only done it because he was hardly paying attention to Flitwick, but for some reason his wand hadn't actually cast the damned thing.

Stupid, he scolded himself. He probably hadn't been concentrating hard enough, his mind elsewhere. He groaned internally; stupid mistakes like that could be costly if he ever wanted to be an Auror.

With that thought in mind, he readied himself in the correct stance, held his wand out in front of him and focused all his mental capacity onto a simple silencing charm. Not too difficult, right?

Wrong.

Much to his consternation, it was not a silencing charm that was produced but rather a Notice-Me-Not, an entirely different spell that should not have been confused with a silencing charm. He's not even sure how he managed this because they were two entirely different incantations, impossible to mix up, and yet, here he was. Harry glanced around himself furtively to check that no one had noticed his slip-ups; thankfully, no one was looking his way, not even Hermione, who was stood only a few metres away and practising her own incantations.

Okay, good. At least no one had seen. That meant it was likely just a blip that he could forget about, and no one would ever have to know. Merlin, he'd spent enough time drawing attention to himself in the last seven years, what with the whole 'Saviour' prophecy and with him being the only one to survive a Killing Curse (twice). He simply wanted one year where not everyone was fixating on him and telling him what he should be doing – just one year to be Harry.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Theo Nott was watching him. When Nott realised he'd been spotted, he quickly looked away and returned to practising his own charm.

Unease started to spread through Harry's body, a leftover fear response from the war. Had Nott seen his inability to cast a simple spell? What if he told someone that Harry Potter's magic was wonky?

Harry shook himself, knowing he was being ridiculous for three reasons. Firstly, the other boy hadn't seemed perturbed in the slightest, so he probably hadn't noticed. Secondly, and Harry felt slightly guilty about this one, Nott wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, so even if he had seen it, he likely hadn't realised what had happened, too preoccupied by his own spell work. Finally, who would Nott even tell that Harry was afraid of knowing? He was one of Draco's best friends, along with Zabini and Parkinson, so there was little danger there.

Harry was ashamed to admit to himself that he probably wouldn't have reacted that way if someone outside of Slytherin had seen him. Draco would be furious if he knew that Harry still unconsciously favoured the others over Slytherin, given Draco's own deliberate attempts to reform his own biases and prejudices.

Harry was of the firm opinion that everyone, including himself, had a responsibility to try and be as open minded as possible about everyone. Otherwise, what had their victory in the war actually achieved if they continued to treat Slytherins like the next Grindelwald or Voldemort? That would only foment and reinforce members of Slytherin's own prejudices if they perceived others to be excluding them. Of course, this wasn't possible for everyone, for some had lost too much or were too bitter to even contemplate forgiving Slytherin.