THE SORTING

THE AFTERMATH

Days blended together. Time slipped away. Nights turned into days which turned into nights again. But nothing made it go away. I tried reading. I tried cooking. I tried working more, art, music, sleep, running, meditation. Nothing. I couldn't bury this knot in my stomach. Every time I saw him, it reminded me of that night. How he so easily took a life. How he so easily could take mine. I had had nightmares about it, so much so that it was better that he slept in the guest room. Just laying next to him caused my unconscious to panic. 

That is how its been ever since. Going on two weeks now. He's been avoiding me, to give me space I believe, and not cause me unnecessary stress.  And I've been distracting myself with my placement. A lot of people are still recovering from that day so it wasn't hard to keep busy. Hunter wanted to talk about it but I didn't. She was understanding enough, still poked and prodded for information but I held her at bay. More often then not, Dominic and I would cross paths, either in hallways, the kitchen, or at my placement. He would stare at me longingly but I could never stare back. I felt guilty. It wasn't fair for me to feel this way, to either of us. Logically, I knew that. If it wasn't for him, I would have been...

He saved me. 

He saved us.

I thought time was all I needed. Just more time. 

I had learned the details of that dreadful day. I now knew the beginning, the middle, and the body count. 

Dignus (DEEN-you-s).

Its Latin for "the worthy". They're a small faction living among the four territories and are mostly underground. Dignus believed that wolves were the master race and that humans needed to be exterminated in order for wolves to fully prosper. They saw humans as an obstacle, in the way of divine living. And this wasn't the first time they've attacked. They typically sought out small human villages and destroyed everything in their path. I was very aware of Dignus and I was very afraid of them. The tales of Dignus were told to me as a child, much like a scary bedtime story. They were the main reason humans were so afraid of wolves in general, we never knew who was Dignus and who wasn't. It was easier to paint all wolves in a bad light. Safer too. 

I guess this time Dignus tried to take on something bigger, trying to kill all of the humans in the capital to send a message to the King Alpha. They failed. 

Four humans were killed that day. I didn't know who they were but that didn't mean I didn't mourn. I mourned the loss of a lot of things from that day. I lost my balance, my happiness. I lost my sense of safety and ease. 

But as I laid in my bed this morning, day 16 without Dom, I was determined to change that. I wasn't the same scared little human I was when I came here. I was stronger, smarter, independent. Dom risked his life to save me. He cared. All I've done since then is push him further away. And if I let this tear Dom and I apart, then Dignus would win. And I won't let them win.  

I got up and cleaned my glasses as I ran to Dom's office. I didn't bother getting changed out of my pajamas, which were a pair of black shorts and a baggy black t-shirt. I had more important things to tend to this morning. I halted at the office door, my brain running a thousand miles an hour. My arm came up to knock on the door and as my brain caught up, I realized that it was very early in the morning. So early, that the sun had not even come up yet. Dom wouldn't be in his office at this hour. So I made a new plan. I turned on my heel and jogged back the direction I came from and stopped at the guest room, my original room. I couldn't stop myself from turning the knob and entering unannounced. 

The room was dark, but not too dark where I couldn't see that nothing had really changed. It held the same layout as it did when I stayed here. It was definitely messier though. Clothes were thrown everywhere. I stepped around them as I closed it. My eyes darted towards the bed, seeing a large mound under the blanket. I stepped with caution as I made my way over to it. As I stood next to the bed, I could tell it was Dom, even with his back turned to me. His breath was steady as he slept. He smelled the same. He was still Dom, my Dom. I played with the bottom of my shirt as my eyes welled up with tears. This wasn't fair to him, none of it. He did what anyone would do to protect someone they care about. And I blamed him for it, banished him away. The tears worsened as my mind reeled, causing me to make a faint squeak that I couldn't hold in. This woke Dom up in a panic. He frantically shot up, looking around the room before his eyes landed on me. 

"I'm sorry!", I said quickly, hoping I didn't anger him. I had no idea how he had felt about me now that I've distanced us and I didn't want to cause anymore problems. Dom eyed for a minute in a tired state, and I could see that he was exhausted, drained, even in the early morning light.

"Little one?", he questioned, almost in a state of unbelief, like he was imagining me. The tears started again, this time faster and heavier. 

"I'm sorry," I replied, sobbing uncontrollably. He said nothing as he grabbed me, quickly but gently, and pulled me onto the bed with him. I curled up next to him as he held me. I could feel Dom physically relax after doing so. He let me cry as he pet my head, shushing me, comforting me. I was meant to spend the rest of my life with this man. And in that moment, I knew that I would.