Drowning

Chapter Seventeen

Anastasia,

I know it has been a while since I last spoken to you. I know I am not your favorite person either. I did wrong, and I could never take that bad. I’ve hurt you, and forced you to do things you didn’t want. I will never forgive myself for everything. I’m sorry.

I know you don’t want to hear from me. I don’t even know if you’ll ever read this. I needed to write it. I loved my son. I will always love him. I will always love you. You gave me that time of happiness; even if you didn’t have the happiness I did. I’m sorry for that as well. You have really been on my mind lately. I just needed to get my thoughts out.

Ana, understand that I still care for you even though Ryder is gone. He really loved you. I don’t see how he couldn’t have. You are an astonishing person. I’ve tainted that, I stole your innocence. It will forever be my sin that will send me to hell. I just want you to know, I care. I’m not as coldhearted as you thought. My heart is broken from the pain I’ve caused you.

I want you to know that I visit Ryder’s grave frequently. I know that is a sour subject for you. I like to put calla lilies on his tombstone. I know they were your favorite. I do switch it up when it comes to holidays and his birthday. I put yellow and black roses on his birthday. I knew how much it would mean to you. I may have lost my child but I lost you too. The hardest part of that, I know I won’t  ever get you back. Not in a way that is romantic or sexual. I just want you to know that I care for you.

I understand what I did was wrong. I lost me my family. I will forever regret that. I have enclosed some money for you to get something nice for your birthday. I want it to be nice. If you need sound more, I can send it. If you need anything, Ana, I will give it to you in a heartbeat. I notice that you haven’t touched your account that I set up for you. I don’t care if you never touch it. The money will never dry up. It’s yours. It’s not pity money. It was never pity money. I just want you to know that. I hope you read this.

Ben

Zander looked up at me from then letter. “Ana.” I shrugged.

“I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel. Damn it, Z. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?” Zander wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

“He cares for you. That’s why. He wants what’s best for you.” I turned to look at him. “I hate him for what he did to you. But he realizes what he did.”

“I don’t hate him for what he did. I don’t. It’s not his fault. My mother is a succubus. She’s out to hurt everyone. He was just caught in the crossfire.” I turned back to the food I was cooking.

“I don’t know what to say.” I smiled at him.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore. Everything in the past couple years has just made me lost who I thought I was. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. I’m drowning and no one’s there to save me. What am I supposed to do?” Zander counted the money fast looking up at me.

“There is over 5,000 dollars in here. You don’t toss this money out to people you don’t care about, even if you have it to burn.” I swallowed as I heard the sound of car doors slamming outside.

“I’m drowning, Z. You have to save me.” I said as the food was finished.

“Annie! We’re back.” Matty said holding his pillow in his arms. He looked at Z sitting at the table and dropped his pillow and folded his arms staring at him. “Who are you?” He asked his big eyed look on him.

“I’m Zander. I’m Annie’s friend.” His face didn’t change making Zander’s smile grew. “I got you something. But you have to promise to be good for your sister.” Matty dropped his ‘Who are you, Buddy?’ look and his eyes started to gleam with excitement.