Drowning

Chapter Eleven

I walked silently into the house closing the door behind me. “How was your walk, Ana?” Mr. Andrews asked making me jump.

“Lordly, Lord! Taylor you scared me!” I said putting my hand to my racing heart. He smiled at me.

“Sorry, Kid. I just got back. Finn mentioned you weren’t sleeping too well.” I sighed shrugging. “Don’t get mad at him, he’s just worried about you. It’s not safe for anyone to not sleep.”

“I know. It’s just weird having someone I just met care for me.” He nodded his head towards the kitchen.

“I know this seems weird to you. You’ve just met him not too long ago but to him, that’s just how fast military relationships go. I married Bailey sooner than I would have if I wasn’t a marine.” I nodded sitting down at the counter. “Is that what you are worrying about?” I shook my head running my hands through my hair.

“No, being with him and spending time with him just seems right. It’s just my past is haunting me.” He gave me a knowing look.

“I’ve been in your position before. I had a past and I had this young girl I was falling in love with.” He smiled at me pulling out the milk from the fridge. “I was fighting between telling her about it or just letting it go and maybe even letting her go.”

“Why would you let her go if you loved her?”  He put the cup of milk he poured into the microwave.

“Because I thought that she wouldn’t be able to look at me after I told her it.” I shook my head.

“But she wouldn’t do that. It couldn’t have been that bad.”  He smiled grabbing something from a cabinet. “Was it, Sir?”

“I was a young Marine once. I was the one to go to bars and pick up women to sleep with. I was young and stupid. I slept with the wrong girl one night and I got her pregnant.” He took a deep breath. “I stayed with her through the pregnancy and I held my son when he was born. Not everyone can handle the reasonability of military relationship, Ana.” I watched him as he pulled the cup out of the microwave. “She snapped and took him away from me. The pressure was just too much. I didn’t even leave for deployment yet. But when I told Bailey that I had a son and that I wasn’t allowed to see him. She took it better than I thought she would. I thought she’d be mad, but she didn’t. She drove us down and we got Finn out of that house.  She became a mother to him. She turned into the woman I always dreamed of.” He smiled at me one last time handing me the cup.

“Why are you telling me this, Sir?” He patted my shoulder.

“I’m telling you this because I know you’ll make the right decision on what is best for the two of you. You have to choose what to do. But you never know how the person is going to act until you tell them. My son likes you so much. I’ve never seen him like this about a girl before. You’re special to him, Ana. Don’t forget that.” I looked down at the cup than back at him.

“A nice warm hot chocolate is what I always gave the kids when they couldn’t sleep. But this should knock you. I’ve seen full grown marines fall at just one of these.” He handed me a little white pill.

“Thank Taylor; I don’t know what else to say.” I smiled at him tiredly. I haven’t slept since Danny left two days ago and it was really catching up to me. I took the pill sipping the warm liquid in the cup making me smile.

“I’m glad I could help you. Bailey and I are always here for you and Matty if you ever need anything.” He rubbed my back. “Get off to bed. Finn will be back in a couple hours.”

“Good Night, Taylor.”

“G’night, Kid.” I finished off my hot chocolate as Taylor went off to bed. Matty and I have been staying here with the Andrews since the fight with my mom. I am really grateful to them for having us. I checked on Matty who was fast asleep in the middle of Finn’s younger brother’s bed. I closed the door again and made my way towards Finn’s room. He was on duty now so I was alone to my own thoughts, the worst thing possible. I pulled off my sweatshirt and curled up on the pillows. It’s been like this for a while, me just rolling around on the bed trying to sleep. But now I could already feel the sleeping pill Taylor gave me starting to work. Thank God, I’m so tired……

“Mama.” A little voice whispered. I rubbed my eyes before opening them. I looked across the room at a pair of bright blue eyes staring at me. “Mama.”

“What are you doing up, Mister? Mama is sleeping.” I smiled sticking my tongue out at him. He gave me a toothless smile pulling himself up on his crib bars.

“Yum Yum.” He smiled at me pulling his blanket up to his face.

“Ryder, Mommy is sleeping.” I gave a fake snore making him scrunch up his face at me.

“Mama, no.” He huffed making me laugh. I do love my son.

“Mommy’s just kidding. Come on, Baby Boy.” I smiled at him picking him up. He took my necklace into his mouth and sucked on it.

“Ana, what are you doing up so early?” Zander smiled at me as I walked into the kitchen.

“Good Morning to you too, Beautiful.” I laughed kissing his head. Ryder let go of my necklace and wrapped his arms around Zander.

“How is my little Buddy today?” Ryder grinned at him.

“Dada.” He said laying his head on Zander’s shoulder.

“Someone woke me up because he was hungry.” I walked to the cabinet and pulled out some baby rice.

“That’s my boy, waking up Mommy.” He smiled rubbing Ryder’s back.

“Shut Up, Z.” He winked at me putting the newspaper that he was reading on the table.

“Have you talked to your Mother?” Ryder pulled at Z’s nose.

“I don’t want to talk to her, Zander. Not after what happened.” He nibbled gently on the little hand pulling at his mouth making Ryder squeal. 

“I know that, Ana. And she’s the spawn of Satan.”  He sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Ryder burped looking at me as I walked over with his breakfast.

“I know, Baby.” I sighed.

“Want Yummies now, Ry?” I asked picking him out of Zander’s arms. I sat him in his high chair and started to give him a spoon full of rice. He gave me a breath taking smile and pressed his hand to his mouth. “I love you, Ryder.” I smiled at him. “I love you to the moon and back. Nothing will ever change that.” I kissed Ryder’s face making him giggle and he gave me a kiss back. “To the moon and back.” I gave him another kiss….

“Ana, you have to wake up.” I opened my eyes to see Finn standing over me. “Ana, we have to go pick up your friend.” I rubbed my eyes.

“What time is it?” He rubbed my back gently.

“About 9. They get in in an hour.” I yawned putting my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” I felt Finn kiss my head.

“My Dad told me he gave you a pill. They’re strong, but it’ll ware off I promise.” I sighed thinking of my dream.

“Thank you, Finn.” I smiled at him. He kissed me.

“Go get in the shower, I have to make a phone call anyway.” I pulled my bag from next to the dresser and looked inside. I pulled out a shirt and shorts, some undergarments, and my big socks. I went into the shower sitting on the floor crying for a good twenty minutes. I got out drying my hair brushing it. I walked back into my room and put my necklace on. I pulled on my sweatshirt putting my phone into my pocket.

“I’m ready to go.” I said walking into the kitchen. Finn smiled at me.

“Alright, Mom we’re going to get going. I’ll call you later.” He said kissing her cheek.

“Alright, have fun you two.” She smiled at us. I walked out of the house pulling on my sunglasses. I got into the car with Finn behind me.

“Did someone take Matty to school?” I asked him as we pulled out from the house.

“Yeah, Mom dropped him off. You okay?” He asked taking my hand.

“Yeah, sorry. I just had a dream that is really getting to me.” He rubbed my knuckles.

“You want to talk about it?” I shook my head.

“No, it was nothing.” I sighed as we pulled off base. He gave me a sympathetic look as we rode the rest of the way to the airport in silence….