Kiss my ass

Recruitements

Let's just start this thing off by saying that I don't do kids. They're snotty, they vomit whenever they want, and they never listen. It's horrible. I don't baby-sit for anyone, I've never had any and I'm the youngest sibling in my house-hold so that's also ruled out. When I moved into an apartment with my best friend, Riley, who had just gotten into law school, however, it all changed.

We were settling into the new place, me getting the window bedroom, when she said an old friend needed some help and we had to go. She dragged me out of my room and I struggled to grab my bag that contained various items of entertainment. "Dude, where are we even going?" I complained, whining as Ri hauled me down to the car park.

"Ben needs help, so we're going."

"You're kidding me." I dead-panned, my face instantly dropping. "Ben as in Ben Wheeler, the guy you always had a major crush on?"

She instantly blushed and that was all the answer I needed. "So you're just going to run after him and help him when he needs it?" I arched an eyebrow as she took a left turn through some lights.

"No, he just needs some help now so I'm going to give him it." She responded simply, shrugging as if it were nothing.

"You mean...more like really give it to him, huh?" I winked at her, causing the pink to darken on her cheeks. I laughed and continued to pester her for the rest of the car ride. We got to his apartment building and rode the elevator to his floor, where we quickly found his door. She knocked and I simply pulled out a compact mirror, fixing my vibrant red hair so it draped over my shoulders in an elegant yet casual way. I dropped the mirror back in my bag as the door opened, and a man about our size was revealed. "Rigantor?" He asked in a comedic manner, and I stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

Inside the apartment were two other men and a baby but I was not about to walk in like I owned the place. I may be bi-polar but I didn't have that much courage when my mood sways.

Then, I was startled by my best friend, who suddenly went to a deep voice and mocked him, "Ben-wetter!"

"Anybody else creeped out by the nicknames?" I muttered to myself, and then all eyes were on me.

"This is Anya, my best friend, you guys remember her?" Riley mentioned me and pulled me into closer view for Ben.
I waved and smiled shyly.

"You both look amazing!" Ben exclaimed after grabbing Riley for a hug, but settled on a high five from me since I didn't like much physical contact. "How did this happen?"

I wasn't surprised that this was his reaction; Riley used to be huge and I was once a teenage dirtbag. "I got her some shampoo and may have lost a pound or two..." She trailed off, looking back to him. God, she really was obsessed, wasn't she?

"Hundred!" Ben joked rudely, which I found incredibly insulting as she was my best friend. You sat on my head and gave me a concussion; remember?"

He then proceeded to introduce us to the other men, whilst pulling us into the apartment. Danny Wheeler then grabbed Riley for a side-hug, whilst snickering at his younger brother about how Riley used to beat the crap out of him all the time while I usually watched and did tricks on my skate-board.

"Congrats on the law school thing, but don't worry about getting in late, I know a bunch of people who had trouble getting in." Ben smiled and turned around to do something, which gave Riley the opportunity to pinch Danny, causing him to nearly fall to the floor in pain. I stifled a laugh as he got back up.

I glanced over to Danny just as he looked over to me and I smirked at gaining his attention. The baby started crying and I saw Ben jump back, "I didn't do anything!"

Instantly, I scoffed, crossing my arms. That's why they needed us. "Really?" I said as Riley immediately bee-lined it for the kid. She cooed and skimmed her hand over the child's car seat.

The three men stood behind the car seat and Ben gave the blonde an expectant look, "aren't you going to pick her up?"

"What?" Riley asked.

I sighed, flopping down onto their couch casually, "They see breasts and immediately think 'mommy.' Don't peg that on me, though. I don't do kids."

She rolled her eyes and picked up the little girl regardless. She glanced inside the diaper bag, which was right beside me, and furrowed her eyebrows. "Is this all you brought with you?"

I was quick to raise my hand, "I volunteer as tribute to go to the store!"

"I'm going with you!" Tucker and Ben screamed simultaneously.

Before Riley or Danny could react, the three of us were gone.