ALL THIS TIME ― heejay ✓

no matter what season,

Sunghoon's understandably furious at him when he wakes up in the morning and emerges into the dining room, half-hoping Jay's still asleep. But when he walks into the kitchen, he sees Jay seated between Sunghoon and Jungwon, head bent over a bowl of cereal. His heart gives a guilty twist when Jay looks up at him for a second and he sees that the younger's eyes are red.

Sunghoon gets up when Heeseung edges hesitantly in the room, his eyes practically smoldering with fury. "Can we talk, hyung?" he asks in a voice that sounds pleasant but is laced with tones that are unmistakably of steel. Red-hot steel, that is. Jay looks up at Sunghoon and tugs at his sleeve, but Sunghoon gives him a pointed look and he sighs, going back to his cereal.

"Uh, sure," Heeseung says warily, backing out of the room. Sunghoon steps out after him and once they're a safe distance away, he punches Heeseung's arm. Hard.

"Ow!" Heeseung cries out, deftly blocking Sunghoon's second strike. "What the hell was that for?!"

"For being a dick," Sunghoon spits, eyes blazing. Heeseung understands, of course, why Sunghoon's so protective of Jay. Ever since they were trainees, Heeseung's been the one sticking by Jay's side through thick and thin (well, not much as of late) but it was shy, soft-spoken Park Sunghoon who openly defended Jay every time someone teased him and went over the top.

It was Sunghoon who always had smart retorts for people who messed with Jay. Heeseung, who had been so shy that he could barely talk to people without wanting to run away screaming, of course had his moments where he defended his best friend, but Park Sunghoon was always one step ahead of him, protecting even Heeseung when necessary, something they were both grateful for.

Now, it's Sunghoon defending Jay from Heeseung—their own best friend. Clearly, Heeseung's fucked up badly, but how's he supposed to fix it? He doesn't know what he's supposed to say to Jay, what he's supposed to do next. He can apologize, but then, as confused and—and unprepared as he is, it would mean he'd have to take the kiss back, and he knows that it'll crush the two of them.

But he has to say something. Doesn't he?

"I'm sorry," he whispers, feeling tiny under Sunghoon's glare. He knows that Sunghoon himself is holding back doing anything more due to their age difference—Heeseung is still the oldest, a role he feels like a complete failure at—but it doesn't make much difference. "I was just confused."

"Confused? Oh, yes, perfect excuse, isn't it?" Sunghoon snaps. "About what?"

"About how I feel," Heeseung explains in a small voice, "about him. I don't know how to sort through these stupid feelings. I can't tell if I love him in that way or not, because as far as I can tell, I've always felt the same way about him!"

"Including wanting to kiss him?"

Heeseung's face burns at the sharp question. "No—well, maybe yes," he admits. "But is that really enough?"

Sunghoon stares at him. "You really are an idiot," he sighs. It seems as if he doesn't have the energy to be furious anymore. To be honest, none of them out of all seven do. Spending and devoting so much energy to comeback season always leaves them somewhat drained before the actual date.

"I know," he mumbles. "I'm sorry."

"It's not me you're supposed to be apologizing to. It's Jay. Do you know how torn up he was last night? He was up crying and crying until five a.m. I had to persuade Jake to move to my bed while I stayed with him in their room. What do we even tell the others? They know something's up, hyung, they've known since we came back, and now they know it's kind of blown up completely. This isn't fair to any of us, least of all Jay."