ALL THIS TIME ― heejay ✓

is the ivory gold milky way, like our summer

"I hated not being able to go to school," Jungwon says, taking another bite of the instant ramyeon that—surprise—Jay made for all of them, declaring that he was much too tired to do anything else. They're seated around the table they eat at. Heeseung squeezes between Jay and Sunghoon. It reminds him of their trainee days, their seating.

Heeseung could have made it himself, being the 'ramen expert,' or even Jake. The two of them aren't called the 'Ramyeonz' for nothing, after all. But he let Jay do it. Similar to Jungwon's way of coping with the sheer amount of emotion he felt was jumping right back into leader duties, Jay's strategy for that was to start being the 'dad,' as Sunoo sometimes affectionately called him.

He also wasn't keen on talking to Jay when he's still avoiding eye contact. He's talking and laughing away as normal. He's not avoiding Heeseung anymore. But the severe lack of eye contact feels way too obvious. Jay clearly isn't comfortable with what he said.

But why? He isn't the first member to call Heeseung handsome. Most of them have already said Heeseung is so pretty, it must be in the genes. So of course, Heeseung doesn't think it means anything much at all. Unless Jay...no, that's stupid.

"School's on break, though," Sunoo points out with a snort.

"I know that, it's just," he pauses, looking for the right words, "it's just that I usually default to studying if I can't do anything else important. I would have gone over my notes and all but I left my bag here."

"How about you?" Heeseung asks Jay and Sunoo. "Did you both miss it?"

"Hell nah," Jay scrunches his nose up. "It's bad enough that I'm the oldest out of them all. It's worse that at my age I'm still struggling with stuff kids Sunoo's age struggle with."

"Hyung, you're just over a year older than me," Sunoo laughs. "Even I still struggle with things Ni-ki struggles with!"

"To be fair, I kinda decided school wasn't important in the seventh grade," Ni-ki says, swallowing a mouthful. "My parents weren't happy, and they say that once I start high school, I need to put more effort in."

"I nominate Jay the brainiac as your tutor," Jake grins. "Remember what Heeseung hyung said when we filmed—what was it? I think the June review?"

"What?" Heeseung squints at him. "I think I'd remember if I said something about Jay being a tutor or whatever."

"Nah, you said something about him being able to enter Harvard if he used his brains to study," Sunghoon says. "Right?"

"Oh, yeah, I did," Heeseung remembers. "And the point does stand. This boy has so much random information stored away in that brain! I'm ninety-nine percent sure that he only struggles with school because he literally doesn't have much interest."

"What does the other one percent say?" Jay asks.

"That you take our job a lot more seriously," he says with a knowing smile.

Jay nods. "Well, you're right," he admits. The two of them grin at each other for a second, and then Jay's expression shuts down and he looks away. Heeseung's face falls. He thought they were beginning to come back to normal.

"Whoa, did something happen between you?" Jungwon raises an eyebrow, ever the observant leader. "What was that just now?"

"Nothing," Heeseung says with a small smile. "We've just...we just need to talk about something, is all."

"Do we?" Jay mumbles.

"Yes, we do," Heeseung says sharply. He's angry all of a sudden, and he wants to say a lot of things. The frustrations he's feeling, actually so small but feeling like so much. But in front of the other members, he holds his tongue and concentrates on finishing his ramyeon. Silence blooms around the table, everyone unsure of what to say next.