The Change Up

Alone with my Thoughts

Jo’s POV:
Backing my Explorer out of the parking spot at my shop after trimming Chase’s hair and beard and pointing it towards my apartment, I let my lunch with Chase and the time he spent in my salon hair replay in my mind. Needless to say, lunch with Chase had not exactly gone as I’d hoped it would. The time at that salon had been even worse. While we hadn't talked about the news I’d dropped on him, it had been there, life a big damn elephant just waiting to be addressed. 

Out of all the people in my life, I thought Chase would have understood where I was coming from with wanting to create a family. He knew me better than I knew myself most days. He knew the pressure my mama had been putting on me as of late to settle down and help populate the world with good, god fearing southern babies- her words not mine. 

Sure, what I was doing was unconventional to most, and it would add to the rumors of my sexuality since according to mama, people back in Georgia were starting to label me as a lesbian since I hadn’t had a man in my life in years. Well, other than Chase. Everyone back home but Mama had given up on him and I ever being a thing. But even with the rumors flying around about me and the pressure from Mama, what I was doing was so much better than what I could say for my best friend and how he was currently living his life. 

You know that acronym Y.O.L.O? Well, Chase Daniel Rice lived by that motto to the fullest. He embraced it with open arms, so much so that I joked about him getting it tattooed on his forehead. In fact, the only thing he had committed to over the past few years was being my best friend, finally deciding to build a home in Nashville, and those freaking bison he brought during covid that scared the living shit out of me. I swear he got those things simply to torture me. He knows I hate animals that are bigger than me. Oh, and how could I forget Jack who I loved dearly? That goofy black lab was the best dog to ever walk this earth. Then again, maybe I was being partial because he tended to like me better than he did Chase. Something that pissed Chase off immensely. Pretty sure Jack’s favoritism towards me was the real reason Chase had sent him to duck camp. Not that you would ever get him to admit that. 

But back to Chase’s fear of commitment. While he and I had a chemistry that was off the charts, his fear of letting someone in had been one of the main reasons he and I had only dated for a couple months a handful of years ago. But as easy as it would be to put all the blame on Chase and his issues, I’d been just as much at fault as he was when it came to committing at that point in my life. When he and I started dating, I’d just gotten out of a bad relationship with a narcissistic asshole who always wanted the spotlight to be on him. So to say I was a little gun shy about trusting men again had been the understatement of the century.

I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even realized that I’d driven by my apartment and out into the country until I was pulling into the public parking area for the little lake that I liked to come to when I needed to think and clear my head. Climbing out of my SUV, I locked it up and began walking down the trail that led to the lake. When I reached it, I found that the bench I usually sat on was empty so I took a seat and stared out over the calm waters. Sitting there, something Chase said at lunch kept replaying in my head. When I’d told him what Mama had said about him getting me pregnant, he’d asked me if that would be such a bad thing. Truth be known, no it wouldn't. I could sure do a whole hell of a lot worse than my best friend. My dating history was a testament of that. I know I bitch about Chase’s Y.O.L.O lifestyle but the truth was, he was one of the most amazing people to ever come into my life. To know that Chase would be a good dad if given the chance, all you had to do was watch him with his niece and nephew and it would tell you just how loving he would be. But there was his fear of commitment and being a parent -even if it is only because he donated his sperm- is the ultimate form of commitment. Plus, he was my best friend. Something that I didn't have many of. Asking him to be the donor would just make things awkward between him and I and ultimately be the end of our friendship. And that was something that I couldn't stand the thought of. Jesus Christ, I sound like I’m trying to convince myself not to do this! Get a freaking grip Jo!