Jason's Journey

Say Roar

Seeing myself in the mirror is such a trip. Everything is so much smaller, from the hair on my head to the nails on my toes. It's like someone really did take me back to before I even had memories of myself, before I understood that the reflection I saw in the mirror was me.

My wavy curls are shorter, and my normally caramel skin is about two shades lighter. My body is nearly hairless. I'm a lot chubbier, but I guess it's because I'm so much shorter. Alysa's reflection contrasted with mine makes her look like a giant. No wonder she can carry me around so easily. I used to be about the same size as her, maybe even bigger, and now tiny compared to her, compared to what I used to look like.

And how I could forget the stupid diaper. This evening's diaper has little dinosaurs of different sizes and colors decorated on it. I poke at it, and I instantly regret it. It's soft and squishy and used. I rip at the tape holding it together. I can't get it off. I try to push the diaper down, and that gives me a little purchase.

I guess Alysa notices me fiddling with it. She turns me towards her and pulls the tape and diaper apart in one swift movement. I have no idea how she did that so easily. She lifts me into the tub, and toes touch the warm water first. She slides me in slowly, and I am grateful for the consideration. Warm or not, it still feels strange to go from dry to wet. Maybe my little kid skin is more sensitive or something.

Once I adjust to the temperature of the water, she lets me balance myself on the side of the tub. Alysa turns and grabs a small washrag from a nearby shelf. I notice that she's wearing a different shirt from earlier. I wonder what she was up to while I was sleeping. I watch as she adds soap to the bathwater and the bubbles spread from one end to the other.

"Will you be a good boy and sit down for Mommy?" Alysa asks, and I oblige quickly, not only because of the threat of Mr. Tickles hanging over my head but also because the bubbles are so enticing.

While she squirts shampoo on my head, I reach over and hold a bubble carefully with two hands. They seem so big and delicate in my hands. Looking through the bubble makes everything look so silly, even Alysa. I notice that a few strands of her hair have slipped out of her ponytail. Her eyes seem distant like she's not fully engaged in the activity. I wonder if she's stressed or upset about something.

She stands me up again, I've gotta say, it totally feels so many different kinds of weird being naked and having my junk exposed like this. It feels weird looking at it myself with how much smaller everything is down there. I guess kids don't really mind that sort of thing because it happens all the time, but I mind, especially when she cleans my junk. It's weird and so very strange, and I squeeze my eyes close my eyes until she's done.

When she finishes, she grabs a shower head and rinses me off from head to toe. She works in silence until my stomach makes a loud gurgle.

"Is that a grumble in your tummy?" Alysa sings overemphatically putting her ear to my belly, "My little baby is hungry, isn't he?"

We make eye contact, and slightly out of annoyance and mostly out of fear, I reply, "Yesth." I feel so spineless, bending to her will like this, but do I really have a choice? She absolutely and completely has control of my life right now. She decides when I eat, sleep, drink, bathe, ...everything.

"Jason is using his big boy words," she dries my hair with a towel. "Mommy is so proud of you." She lifts me out of the tub and pulls a comb out of a drawer. She runs it through my hair a few times and rubs some sort of cream through my hair.

"Alysa?" I hear Isaiah call. I guess he's back home for dinner.

"I'm over here in the bathroom with Jason," Alysa shouts.