Jason's Journey

Buenas Noches

The tension in the air is palpable. Dinner is a mostly silent affair tonight. Isaiah and Alysa have clearly been texting each other, and the two of them are exchanging looks periodically, but I guess no one plans to verbalize anything while I'm listening. I really do want –no need –to know what they are talking about, but it's not like I can snatch the phone out of Isaiah's hand and take a peek. I sigh. I'm always so close to the end of this game but always out of moves.

Isaiah is still feeding me my food, and it's pretty good. We're having spaghetti, corn and meat. They have a bib on me tonight, I guess it's because I already had a bath. While the bib does bug me, I'd rather not have another weird bath with either of them, so I keep my mouth shut about it. I kick my legs in the chair while I wait for Isaiah to finish his current text.

When I finally finish my plate, Isaiah wipes my face with a wet paper towel. He walks me to the kid pen and grabs a tablet along the way. He puts me in the pen and starts a show on the tablet. When he hands it to me, I take it, very interested to see what he put on.

Of course, it's one of those kiddie shows. I know I have to at least pretend to watch the show because they're never going to talk out loud if I'm looking in their direction. I can feel their stares at me, and I keep my head down on the tablet.

Finally, my efforts seem to pay off, "I'm scared, Isaiah," Alysa whispers, her voice cracking between words, "What if this only gets worse?"

"I know," Isaiah says, and he sounds emotional too. "I reached out to one of my friends who's a child psychiatrist, this is what he said. Here."

They don't say anything else for a while. I guess he's showing her something on his phone. I get bored waiting while they do that and look at the show on the tablet just to pass the time. It's one of those animated cartoons, and I'm at a part where they are doing a nursery song.

It's colorful, well animated and just all-around impressive. The scenes are changing really fast, and every time I think I'm going to stop watching it, another scene starts, and I am intrigued, so I watch another and another. The music is very catchy, uplifting and happy while the characters bounce around from one activity to the next. There are so many shapes and objects and colors, and the sounds get louder and louder. I feel like I'm inside the show, and I'm having fun too.

I don't know how long I'm sitting there fully absorbed in the show. I startle when I feel Isaiah rub my back. I take my eyes off of the show for a second and quickly look back. The episode isn't over, so I don't want to miss anything. This is like the most entertaining kid show I've ever seen in my life. Isaiah says something, but I barely hear him over the chattering of the characters.

That is until Isaiah tugs the tablet out of my grasp and stands up with it way out of my reach.

"No! Me! Me! Me!" I stand up and shout. It's mine, my show! How dare he!

"I'm sorry Jason, it's time to get ready for bed. I bet you had so much fun watching the show, but now it's time for bed," he ruffles my hair and puts the tablet on a shelf. "Come on let's get ready for bed."

"No!" I shout. I want to watch the show. It's the one good thing that's happened to me through all of this, and I'm not going to let him take it away. I don't care if it's bedtime. I'm going to watch this show.

Alysa comes over and tries talking me down. "It's bedtime Jason, you can watch a show tomorrow too."

"No!" I scream, spit spewing in the air. I'm the kind of mad where I see red, and I don't care who or what is in my way. I am going to get that tablet back. "No!" I pull at the gate of the pen and use the one word that I know works, "No!"