There was a way the bell sounded whenever she walks in. The kind of sound that shovels numbness and transfixion into me, making me go all stop , wait a minute. Or probably, wait forever. Could the bell ringing difference all in my head? I do not even hear the bell anymore when her physical appearance was coming towards the counter. My eyes all googly, seeing beautiful scented flower escort her.
Why so beautiful?
“ HEY! Hey! Don’t you dare zone out on me again!” Her face quickly wearing a frown brought me back to reality. She must have been trying to get my attention. I quickly composed myself.
“ Eh- - Sorry! What film would you like to get today, Sarah.” I asked, drawing up my sleeve. I had better not fail at impressing her. She stared at me, wildly. Her eyes sizing me up. Come on, Sarah, stop looking at me that way.
“Hmph! Any terrific movie you’ve not seen yet?” She requested, her eyes travelling around the shop.
Why the ones I have not watched? And by terrific , doe she mean something crazy or scary? Why would she want to watch that. She is too beautifu- - -
“ You know what, I’ll just check around myself.” She blurted , aggressively hitting the counter . All my thought scattered as I stared at her angry face, bewildered. Why was she getting so worked up, today? She ought to have gotten used to me being like this around her . I wondered as I stared at her retreating figure, inaudibly murmuring what only her could hear. I really needed to get my act together around her. What if I like her? No girl would like a guy acting all weird around her. Lucky me if she would even want to speak with me after this incident. Of course! I would be one to sell movies to her, so there is still a chance in getting my face and reputation,bABYY! I smirked. I needed to start practicing for this precious moment. I cleared my throat, adjusting my shirt.
“ And that would be seventy bucks, But I could give it to you for fifty.You know, can I apologize- -”
No, not that! Sarah is not petty. Let me just try and apologize plainly, like a real man should. I needed to come up with a more reformed act.
“ Huh, you do not have to pay. I have- - -” I saw her walking back to me- - heh- - the counter. I nervously rubbed my face countless times as she got closer. Her eyebrow raised, she glared at me.
“ What’s you deal? Ring this up for me, anyway.” She said, inertly tossing the film she had picked. Schramm. Hmm, I have not watched this. And how did she know that I have not watched it?
“ Do not worry, Sarah. The check’s on me. Do en- - -”
“ Don’t! Don’t !! Don’t!!! Just ring the f****n bill and quit being an idiot!” She had interrupted, fiercely. If she were given few more seconds, I am quite sure she would have blurted out how disgusted she was of me. Her face expressively portraying disgust, is not something to be left unnoticed. TOM RADWELL! You are exactly what she says you are!
I sadly packed up her goods and slowly lugged it to her front. She had taken it off my hand before it even got to her front. She extended out money to give and I was hesitant to take it. And like a warrior stiffly drawing deeo lines of her sword on her opponents’, she had slapped the money on my face.
“ You are just as repetitive as the old boring town. Grow up already, you idiot!” She had trailed, stomping out of the store.
I could not help but imagine how true her words were. Choruses in songs cannot even match the replays of stupidity that I have always displayed whenever she was around me. I myself, was bored of it and just wants to man up. But why was it so hard to do! Getting past the charm she has on me, would definitely score me some point with her. At that moment, I was the saddest being on this planet. Customers had better steer off this area for now. I wanted some time alone and actually give a fuck about my life. Absentmindedly, I dragged myself to the film room to at least distract myself from the iota of a bad day. Ruffled blanket and empty snack packs welcomed me. Normal me, would have at least give the room even the tiniest concern of difference. But at that moment, I could relate with the room, as I definitely feel as shitty as the room was, in my inside. So far no germ was far from been detected, nothing could ever change my determination about lying on the ruffled blanket filled with different kinds of snack crumbs, that way. Although, I am actually a neat person, but the shop has been busier these past few days and now, was not the moment to be neat.
Just stop thinking about the filthy film room. Sarah is the priority, now!
Yeah, right. Sarah. Chances are very slim to even get to talk to her about my feelings. Affection I had grown for her right after we graduated high school, quite obvious and I am sure she would have caught on with. And times when she would totally ignore to notice it or enjoy the influence of what her presence does and even tries to flirt. But today was totally a send off. A huge warning. Well, I cannot blame her.
It has been years since I have been leading her on, without for once, claiming the affection to be true. It being obvious, does not make it valid enough. That explains her fierce attitude, earlier on.
I try to imagine what exactly might have frustrated her, today. Was she frustrated that I never asked her out? Or annoyed that a dumbass like me would dare think of having a thing with her? Or she might be having a tremendous bad day and I was very well available to serve as her anger refuge bin? SARAH EGGY. If only you could sell me one more chance.
My mind wandered back to the film she had gotten. Pretty one loving crazy movie is quite odd. She must be too romantically levelled up for her to go for what I believe girls or ladies should always dread to watch. Mother would easily call it demonic - laced, if she ever set eyes on it. Someone that pretty must have experienced romance firsthand and possibly severally, for her to want to see other genres- how difficult it is for me to even try envision my Sarah with a worthless specimen of a guy. But fact, Sarah is quite beautiful, so it was inevitable. However, Sarah is so into horror movies and I am always wondering why, whenever she purchases them. Even with my theory, I still cannot wrap my head around Sarah always purchasing them.
Not that I have watched it, like I had stated earlier, but it description on it pack talked well about it. Fact about me though, films of such description are very heavy for me to watch. It vile narration and portrayal always rile up my sense of justice. I do not like to watch some dying wrongfully - and how they make those scene so realistic as though one was experiencing a surreal real life murder, firsthand! I always do feel that sense of duty to get justice for the fictional victims. Films like that get me emotionally distressed, so I intentionally skip them, most times. Few times I have watched some, was just to grow me some livers for toughness and try to get what my long time crush likes about them. Or was it the influence of having a crazy older brother that is working on Sarah’s perspective? Those movies are to chilly to sit and watch, talk less of enjoying.
The need to brutalize the idiotic acts I might display sometimes, bugs me. I decided to check out SCHRAMM, for the afternoon. I dashed to get the extra on the rack. I stared at the bloody color wallpaper of the film wrap for a while. It should help shake me out of my depression, a bit.
“ You are just as repetitive as the town, you idoit.”
Though a painful insult from my crush, I am glad someone agrees with me about the town.
SCHRAMM! How on earth can I unwatch this from my brain, my head- out of my existence. The fact that Sarah would be watching this pyschopathic mentally deranged scope of act, is getting me quite scared for her. That film was the creepiest I have ever watched! And thank goodness for a customer’s intervention that had abruptly cut the rapt attention that I had given to such vile film. I was so oblivious of my surroundings that I did not hear the bell ringing for the third time, until my name was being yelled. No, Schramm has to be the very end of me watching horrific movies. I would not like Sarah going to hell, but I would not mind if she visited there for some seconds. Hell no, would I ever want to get to know her more by watching the the things that piques her interests. Afterall, I would be needing my mentality intact, whenever I finally find the courage to express my feelings.
“ Thank you for coming, Aunt Rina. It is very much appreciated.” I shook hands with her, staring into her eyes, dreamily. Aunt Rina was officially the only woman that got divorced and stayed promiscious, afterwards. She had successfully knocked the title ‘aunt’ to her name, shortly after divorce was finalized. Both young and old can not get past the title as it easily follows whenever her name was meant to be mentioned.
Aunt Rina has always been sweet but she seemed more like an angel to me today. My rigorous hold of her hand had startled her totally as she stared at me as though, Tommy must have been dead before. Well, ironically, I could agree to the same. Aunt Rina would never have understood how she had saved my soul from evil. Only God and I and that Schramm would understand.
“ I only brought a five cent movie, Tommy. That would certainly not build you a house!” She had retorted, still in the confusion about the affection occurence. Realizing how lost I had left her, I slowly separated her hands off mine. She does not need an explanation for something that she would never understand.
“ Aunt Rina, do have a lovely day ahead. Merry Christmas in advance.” In the most awkward way ever, I had tried sending her off. Her ghost stare only got more highlighted on her face. Scurried, she had packed her belongings;
“ No one would ever prefer merry Christmas advances to be said to them that way. But, I’ll take that as a cue to set off.” Her words vaguely understandable, but mission was accomplished. She had evacuated the building afterwards. Thankfully, awkwardness bounced right out, quickly.
Now that I was evidently the only one in the shop, Schramm was starting to invade my - - Goddamit! I needed some distraction. Customers, please! If this invasion was all about me not completing the film, well, I have made plans already never to visit it again. I am quite satisfied enough to even want to complete it. I mean, it was specified at the beginning that he was dying, so to hell with the movie. What had caused his death, if he had murdered more people after the one I have watched, If he had truly died or got rescued, quickly -- I care very less about it. I already know that he was dying and that was satisfactory enough!
As fictional as that vile film was described to be, my very own head keep convincing me if there was a possibility it could be real. It felt so actual, watching it that I was far gone into my thought and I was still very much into the movie at the same time. The actor that must have acted this, I am quite concerned about his mental being. Would he ever be normal again? Was he not suffering from any mental breakdown after he was done acting his role? Well, I could testify about my self, right now, and I am not even done with the film! I inwardly reminded myself never to take on a psychopathic role whenever I make it big in the movie industry. Those roles would surely mess with one’s mind, I tell you.
Fortunately for me, customers started trooping in, gradually. Question and greetings seeming endless the moment I welcomed them in. The few that purchased some movies, I appreciated them well, but most of them are always the window shoppers and inquirers. On a normal day, I would not have been happy with such disturbance, but today, I am rather grateful for ‘em all. I plastered on my face, my very real geninue smile, that I have only shown once, ever since I have started this work. Their frustration is not going to get to me today. Positivity all through. Slowly, seconds and minutes passed, hours counted - time gradually went by. Customers became lessser and lesser and the day was definitely well spent as all my body felt sour. Although, there is still an hour left until my shift was over, i decided to start packing up for the day. I would still attend to any customer that arrives before my shift was finally over. The cleaning equipment were in the film house, but before i go get them, ‘Love takes time’ is needed to be given an audience. I usually do this all the time and believe me, nothing goes wrong with music.
I had it all, but i let it slip away
Couldn’t see that i treated you wrong.
Now i wander around feeling down and cold, too
Love takes time to heal
When you’re hurting so much
Couldn’t see that i was blind to let you go. . .
( Music plays in the background)
Cleaning went smoothly as the Mariah Carey’s Love takes time, sounded to my ears. Whenever a song that i like, is being played, I never need to worry about time. For me, music make my work faster and easier to do. If ever i was late because of music, I do not need to fret because music always satisfies me to an extent that my work done was enjoyed. I returned to the counter to arrrange my own personal space at the counter. There was not much to do since i do not have many of what i could arrange. My shift was finally over, my bags packed, i eyed the room one final last time to see if everything was in order. Everything seemed to be in order except an unfamiliar material i just got on the counter. A black plastic bag was sitting atop the counter. A customer must have forgotten it because something like that, does not belong to the rentals. Wonder why i had not noticed it, earlier when it is been an hour since a customer had last come in. I picked it up and weighed it in my hand. Not too light, not too heavy - could pass for a cassette. I do not wrap casette that has not been purchased and we do not use black plastic bag. So it was definitely a customer that have gotten it and forgotten to take it along. Well, since I know everyone and can still very well recall customers that had come in today and purchased movies, I agreed to check the bag out. Fortunately, my first guess was right about it been a cassette, but it has no title or anything to recognize it with. It was an unlabeled cassette. That is quite unusual. My mind wandered to a particular time Mr Kendy had brought in a black plastic bag. Could it be his that he might have forgotten it? Nah! I could recall him taking the bag with him the day he had brought it. And ever since he has been coming, I am quite an observant person, I have never noticed him with such except from his leather bag that he always carries around. This was definitely not his because he had not been in this rental for the past two days. And I just noticed it this evening.
I concluded that it was a customer’s belonging. The owner will come for it when the time comes. Customers always come back for their properties. I kept it safely away from the counter and finally decided to close for the day. Stressful but worths it. I could proudly say Schramm was now just a movie that was no longer personal.
YOU ARE READING
SHATTERED!!!
General FictionAll I've got was dream, and now all, gone. Gone never to affirm again.
