SHATTERED!!!

Chapter 7

Three weeks bygone... We'd grown a bit close but not that close. The memories of the three weeks gone was fresh. We were then just close and nothing more. I'd wanted us to bloom a process. It was my first time anyways. So, my innocency was surdid. But I remembered I sent her a "chronicle of love", I call it. I hardly believe my writing prowess, even though my pen sometimes can do the talking. I could remember the note I gave her last even with utmost grinning on my face. Just at a very late hour in my room I wrote...

"The chronicle...
"Meeting you shouldn't be the mistake I'd ever make. Knowing you should never be to me a recourse for curse. I earlier thought what I had was nothing but mere attraction; maybe to your angelic (body) figure. I thought your fascinating idiosyncrasies were more of dynamic among your contemporaries. I thought just the teeth set and radiant smile parading your face incessantly were charming buoyantly enough to encamp me more in naivety. I have lost my senses.
Eyes can't see anything in daylight again but you clearly in dreams.
My taste bud is already decomposed. It long for no sweetness than moisture from within your enclosed lips.
My busy nose with its two wide holes, pumping through wind for my survival earlier, has suddenly relinquish its duty. It does not want to breathe no more. It had your odour. So it discern to breathe and smell just for you and you alone." Curse the nose and body will die"."

" I was me.
Before we met I had no life.
I lived not then for myself but parents.
I lived to satiate wills of those who got me wise and fools.
Friends and foes.
I'm the then avoider of responsibilities.
I was the one whom always await a push to move.
One who did not trust himself nor lean on self projections.
I got myself into this. "
I'm kind of emotionally frail. I hated rejection. So I rather preferred staying calm and quiet for myself. Knowing not that even silence says no thing but blindly yield supposition. Thence I supposed, what if she did not even know I exist? I presumed, isn't she really a gamer? I assumed, "what if she hated me with passion...? I kept guessing, imagining and ruminating... Fear emerged. Timidity too... What's this up with me? I asked myself... I have not felt like this before. Of course I've got sticked to female friends a big time. Maybe not friends but just class mates. I never knew this is how it feels. What exactly? I tried to know, but couldn't know. I know. But I don't know i know. Even the lone I know is you. Not just mere likeness. It's love. Perhaps I liked Sussy, Mary, Tashy among others. Yet I sleep comfortably without them. I get so free to chat with them. Dialogue with them. Why then with you I can't? Why am I always speechless around you? You didn't bear Gothic mask... Why am I too timid? Maybe it's not fear but respect. Maybe it's not fright but unmatched honor...
What I feel for you is different. How I cherish your name differ from there's. I love you(Total surety for that). And for that I've lost my sanity. I've lost the man in me. I'm now the boy you've made. I'm the dull brilliant lad you'd configured outta your benevolence.
Earlier I thought reading alone builds the future;nursing such narrow quote "readers are leaders". Yet I don't want to lead without you as my anchor.
Earlier I thought studying brighten up the future off mist. But you made me know things beyond. You made me realize that overconcentration on single phase of life wouldn't build the whole but a part of the future.
You told me those truths that I'd awaited for long. Maybe truths or lies ;that I'm just the best on my own; That I'm the fairest among my pals;That I'm lovable, meek and cute in my own way. Those are compliments. Words formed outta Fidel deliberations. It made me feel like I'm indeed human being on top of the world. Top upon which I can fall if you aren't seen stick to my side.
Maybe I should remind you I once told you I am shy. So we met and you said I wasn't really shy. Boldness of some minutes borrowed from my friends... Lol. Then, I stoop to roar and talk as war lord. I pitied myself then coz I knew the courage would soon disperse. Surely it did. And here I nurse how to simply ask your hand since then till now...
Why love? How did I fall? Love they say is a fickle thing. Not and never Intentious but natural. Drake told me about your brilliancy. He told me of how wise and serious you are. Told me of your beauty. Classy retort and refrains. Who am I to determine my taste? I simply listened to him appraising you with contempt of disbelief. I don't like ladies, I told him, until really I saw you at a sphere ... Then your smile melted me down. Why smile? My background or more of home palava would not merit me chance to grin, not to talk of laughter. On you I grace the beauty of smile. On you I grab the value of laughter. Seeing you smile, I let go my worries immediately. I got connected. Praying and willing never to leave your side. I discern to withold long term memory of gracing your white teeth glittering in sun without a recourse for gnashes. Why really am I connected with you in the first place? Your laughter. Your smile. They are charming. Perhaps I long to laugh sincerely for just some minutes... So I thought getting closer to you would fend me that. Trust me, i was never disappointed.
I made Drake thence precious to me. Why? He made me meet you. He told me about you, and you about me. Those I'd never thought vital about myself was what he used to exonerate me. A friend I can rarely forget, despite hiccups that has suddenly grown amidst us.
Memorable moments with you I can't but say. I remember that night. Our first night of meeting . Movie night we'd planned to attend, characters acts we'd planned to read. But sincerely you were the one I read all through. You thought I was sticked with jokes , yet I was busy counting the blinking of your eyes. Reading your lips and wishing just it's clash and total lock with mine, even though I've never made it known to you how immense and immeasurable I love you. Yes! I could remember the Saint of your deodorant. I smell the nice of you and wish my nose never stumble to merit prior distance from around you (though it already did). Remember I asked of the peff of recent as you told me it broke. I had a bone broken on me that day, trust me.I could remember you gum with me that night. Just on a chair, despite multitude of chairs idle around us. I got more engrossed to the brim, wish we should never split. The coldy (freezy) moment and warm moments i spent abound, adoring your face as "Mary adores christ " ain't just forgettable. Funny? Yes! It should be.
We share snacks a night. Then I prayed that morning never comes. But what can I do when male only proposes but God to disposes. We shared a straw, broke same pie and drank same coffee and Robb our palms. That night I felt than myself. I saw us in home and not just cinema ;showing love and extending grace of affections that is naturally exhumed.
I stress my brain to fend you "writes", but in return of effort, you gave me hug... Side or back hug or anything you call it. Mine is that, such touch of bodies is memorable favor I've ever had.I distorted chat with friends to get closer to you. I made Odlt my favorite rest place just to sight your gaze. I lost my order to follow your wills... Even whether convenient or not, I'm good with you. You know what it means to fast a whole day without self notice? I starved myself to catch up with you, knowing fully well if I cook, I might keep you waiting. I deny myself rest to think of you, getting pale and most obviously turning frail. If love is a diseases, then I've contacted one. Because obviously nothing about me is normal anymore. If to love accompanied abnormality, let me not be normal. Let me be crazy, mad and be mad all for you.

We held our hands one night and i felt never to let go. I told you that has been the biggest achievement of the year, yet you wouldn't believe. Yes, it is! Getting close to females, trading hugs and budging kisses, all ain't my thing. I had some with you and not all yet. The day we lean on desk to rest after a long night reading, I was busy looking through your eyes, wondering the kind of angel that erect your beauty. The innocent look on the face as well as stunning expression of smile even in the dream land, all got me abated. I was lost that night. And surely I prayed never to be found. But day light affirmed as you woke to bid me adios ;not for life but just the day .
A night again you grab me close as if to never let go. We'd have to journey the next morning, I suppose. But rather than ready, I utmost-ly reverene your company. People were bluffing but I was flaunting, bragging and bouncing as if I've added a feather to be called the principal of a clique. Yet I wasn't being proud. I was only being completed since my missing rib and most beautiful lady in the world was there, leaning her head on my lap at the detriment of considering not the gaze of folks and mates that occupied the theater. I sensed my worth then. Knowing fully well the extent of onus I'd explore to duly assure your value security. Never worry, kyle. It's my duty. It's your right. So I won't complain.
Two days to three, three days to four and more and more and more. My error got begat on the 14th of April, where though, rather than contemplating on deductions, I let through a third party amidst us. I should not have told Drake that night about the assumed negligence. But what must the poor boy do? He was lonely. He left home around past 10 at night, thinking he'd have the usual time past with you. Thinking he'd have the Saint and touch of you again. Night guards got him harassed too that night, following the meanest consequence for late night trailing. But to whom must I narrate all this.? Not even to mama Tom or friends till now. I had the thought that everything in love is fair... Even the unfair ones.   
I didn't know it was love knocking. I thought it was mere attraction. I thought it was infatuation or more. My room wall wouldn't complain the plating of your pictures on the though... Of course, they are used to it. I opened the door to love! And here is my clash with guest uninvited. I know what I want. There's money, asset, affluence and influence. But all are ephemeral, compared to my undying notion to have you...you are my wealth worth more than Crystal diamond.

I m still here, Close to you,
Feel my presence!
I dwell In your smile
Helping you discover yyourself.
If you ever want to meet me
Just take a look at yourself.
Just tell yourself what ever it is that you'd longed and liked to tell me.
Say all the things left unsaid between us.
Tell me everything in detail
I want to make you my passion
I'm not breathing anymore
But I will stay alive
I was, I am and will be yours
You are the one I worship
You are my passion

Don't forget to reread my letters
Smile when you feel overwhelmed
All the memories you have of me
Make them your passion

I want to make you a god
That I can worship you
I pray for your companionship
That I seek support from you
I want to pray and ask for you
I want you engraved in my heart
I want you to be an habit i can never let go
I want to make you my passion

I want to make you my fate
I want you to be my love
I want you to be my heartfelt prayer
I want you to be an habit I can't let go of
I want to make you my passion

Why are we bound by limitations
Why are we restricted by boundaries
Why do we have differences
Why the distance between us
When our destination is the same
Why are our path not the same

I want to set an example for love
I want to pen our love story on water
I want you to be A resounding inkling
I want to make you my passion

I want you to dwell in my heart
I want to stay wordless and make you my smile.
I want you to be A blessing from God.
I want to make you my passion.
I want to make you my own, and me your own. I want to erect your name at the breast of my heart. I want to make you the one whom my mom will love. Whom she'd make example of lovable wife to my junior kinsmen. I want to make you capable of bearing my name. I want to listen more to way you call me Tommy. None has the ascent you have while calling my name actually. I want to make you say "yes I do", for better, for worse, till death do us path. I want you to mother my children, and me father them in sailing of life voyage. Kyle Christoph, would you even mind giving me the chance? "

Time flies really. I looked through the window and doubt my sight a bit, seeing moon ravishing glory of the flat bellied sky." No, it can't be midnight already" , I argued with myself, but my table clock proved me wrong, showing a bit stroll past one o'clock.

"I have to leave for work early tomorrow ", I assured dropping my pen to pound on bed since it's really mine. I trailed the dream land with smiles on me that night, being as due wínner of Casanova ballon d'or .