Some Candles Burn Faster

Dolores (tw: panic attack & suicidal thoughts)

As the blank pages grew thinner and thinner with her rapid note taking Mirabel couldn't help but to wonder how far in over her head is she? She not only has to deal with the mind bending truth that her papá has been living in the walls, but her family is an utter mess.

First on the agenda is Camilo, he's her honorary twin, and its terrifying how well he's hidden it. His gender crisis (she should probably start referring to them by they/them pronouns, at least until they've decided on what fits them best. Not that they can't be non-binary, and she should stop her thought process here before she spirals.) is concerning to say the least, because the amount of openly gay people in Encanto are slim to none. Honestly the only thing keeping Mirabel in the closet is that no one in the village has noticed her — less than subtle — embroidery. In one of her braver moments she stitched the word girls and put little hearts all around it. She hopes Camilo is okay.

Second is Isabela, because there is a very tight time frame for that one. Unless Mirabel wants to crash an engagement dinner it has to be before 8. She doesn't really know what to think, her view of Isabela is very skewed due to years and years of belittling. Mirabel probably wont accept any sort of apology from her, neither will she give one. But her hermana should have the ability to make a choice especially in terms of marriage and children.

Third being Luisa, who will have a spa day así que ayúdala Dios. She should have noticed how much was being put on her. Luisa is her sister, she's family, not some manitas hired to help out. Really the audacity of these people. Mirabel can count on one hand the amount of days off Luisa has had in the last month, one! Luisa has had only a single day off, and it was only because she had a sprained ankle and tía Julieta made her. The village functions just fine without her so why? Good lord Mirable necesita una siesta.

Last but not least, su viejo y querido padre viviendo en las paredes. She really doesn't know how to deal with that. She'll cross that bridge when she comes to it. And hopefully he has a good reason because if not, she will chose violence (just to get the point across on why he's an idiot. She will definitely hug him afterwards).

Of course there are two other thing, Dolores and Antonio. While Mirabel hopes they're okay, with how things are currently going, it's doubtful. So of course she asks, "While we're at it, Dolores, Antonio, do you have anything you need help with? Or need to get off your chest?"

While Dolores seems to ponder her answer, Antonio pipes up immediately with his. "Nope! You already helped me this morning! Just like a superhero—" he gasps in delight, hands flapping in frantically "—you are a superhero! My cousins a superhero! This is the best thing ever!"

"Well, I don't know about superhero... I don't have a gift remember?"

"So? You don't need a gift, you need powers. There's a big difference." He crosses his arms, "Mi Mirabel is able to communicate with a house! That can help out like... one, two, three... where was I? Hmm... Well! My point is that you can help out a lot of people!"

She giggled as Antonio leaps towards her, arms capturing him in a hug. "Only you Tonio only you." Mirabel looks up to Dolores who has a sad smile on her face. They keep eye contact until Dolores briefly looks away.

"I hate being the town gossip," she starts, "I hate being the one to report anything and everything to Abuela." She can only watch as Dolores' trembling arms reach around herself, fingers latching onto her upper arms. Mirabel distantly wonders if it will bruise. "I hate knowing what everyone thinks of me, it's not fair. Why was I given this," her eyes dart around as if searching, hands moving towards her ears, "this curse! Everything is too loud all the time, I just want everything to stop." Antonio quickly removes himself from your arms, stumbling over to his sister looking so lost. "And just to make things worse! The man I love is in love with Isabela. I never stood a chance. Abuela made sure of that," her shoulders drop. She finally accepts Antonio's affection, letting him sit on her lap.

"How?" Mirabel tried to make her voice as soft as possible, "what did Abuela do?"

"I was 8, and Abuela asked tío Bruno to look into my future, and he told me that the man of my dreams would be just out of reach, betrothed to another. Usually I remember everything I hear, but all I remember of that night was those words, and how upset Abuela got at tío. She blamed him for ruining my future."

"Do you?" The words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them, "blame him that is."

"No, not after everything I've heard from him in the past 10 years. At first I did, I was 8 and the world revolved around me, but when he left to protect you I couldn't find it in myself to be mad at him."

"What?"

"Yeah, he had a vision about you and it was bad, I don't know the specifics but he didn't want Abuela to find out."

Thats why he left? It was her fault? She was the reason her papá left. She was- is to blame. Her family is breaking because of her, it finally makes sense. The vision was of her, giftless and cracked, cracked like the walls of casita. That's why Abuela hates her, she took her son away from her. She was already worthless, she even thought it was okay for her to take their miracle away, when it was her causing the damage. She is hurting her family. How is she so broken, how had she not seen it before. She should just leave, pack up and go. Maybe soon the cracks will reach the mountains so she can get out of Encanto. Of course if they don't she could always jump from on top of one.

Thoughts spinning and swirling through a bowl of soup Mirabel no longer knew the world outside of her mind. She didn't know how long she had sat there, maybe seconds or minutes, but to her it felt like years or no time at all. She can't breath.

She could hear someone talking, but the words weren't processing, but the voice, it somehow felt like home. Words slowly returned to her, as the voice asked her, "hey, are you with me?" She nods, "can I touch you?" Another nod, she feels calloused hands touch hers holding them. The hands slowly lead hers to a chest. "You're doing great kid, just match your breathing with mine, that's it, in... out..." The pattern continued, in... out..., again and again and again, until eventually Mirabel felt she could breath again.

Before exhaustion hit her, seeing through blurry eyes, Mirabel couldn't help but think of her second memory. She doesn't want the feeling of safety to leave just yet. Her eyes felt heavy as she whispers, "please, don't leave papá."