4 years ago
2022
Vusi's POV
Love, love
Above, it's above all
Until it hits a fall
-- IT, becomes beautifully abysmal
I met an old friend, Mimi
Grabbed a few drinks
I gotten the chance talk about the things I think
Everytime I blink
Tyler, Tyler
You made her forget me now
An arranged marriage and a fucking lie, wow
Now she sees you a star and I a clown
But is it because she loves you, or she think she does?
"These people lack the morality to stay together
They seduce our men with their flaky hair
Give them blue eyes to stare
A glare
Until their bored with their bodies
And kick them back to the curb"
-- the words of my racist Mother!
Mommy, Mommy
With your countless opinions
I love, and I love strong
The choice of what skin colour my lover has to me it belongs
Not that it matters what skin is what,
but it feels that it needs to be acknowledged
The ownership I have over my life and decisions
"Boy! You not thinking of marrying a white girl aren't you?"
"I don't certainly see the problem."
"Well you're not! Not while I'm still alive"
"That's not you're fucking decision!"
"I making it my decision, Vusisizwe. And plus, who taught you to swear, huh? Is it that girl? Is she teaching you her white ways?"
"'White ways?' Fucking hell."
"Boy!"
"Can't believe this fucking racism, mama."
"Well, black people can't be racist apparently darling."
"Since we are all different from each other, that means we are all capable being racist mom, are you serious right now? And me swearing has nothing to do with her."
"I've never heard you swear till now, Vusi. Don't lie to me."
"I've been swearing since grade 3 mom, but never in front of you."
"So you saying, before that girl came you never would've sweared in front of me?"
"No!"
"Yes, Vusi! That's what you're saying."
"You know what, I'm getting the fuck outta here!"
"Vusi. Vusi! Vusisizwe!"
Door shuts!
• • • •
Ann's POV
A dab of foundation,
Black mascara,
A white dress and
A fucking white wedding
Décor, that illuminates my eyes
Telling them that "this is what beautiful looks like"
Otis Redding hits the records,
Talking about to Try A Little Tenderness
And really, what does that mean?
What am I supposed to feel?
How should someone who loves me be?
My mind is contaminated by questions that's as big as the sea
All buzzing around inside my head
Violently like a plague
Of a swarm of bees
As the season's leaves
Falling down from the trees
But fuck that, right?
I am fucking getting married
With the most posh husband ever
And he's clever
And shall probably never
Ever leave me, right?
Some time later
Was most probably the best moments of my life
I would suddenly be a wife
With children as much as five
And fuck whoever is a hater
Walking down the aisle
Mother and the aunties sheds thousands of smiles
Me not actually being sure if this is a lie
But I'm headed for it anyway
As the moments went by
Is the more I wanted to hide
But I would fight
Against anything to have a normal life
And happily be someone's wife
"If you're against this lovely couple getting married, speak now or forever hold your peace"
Said the pastor with such ease
And Then Vusi, from nowhere, through the people he squeeze,
As if they were stopping him
"I have something to say!"
"No, you don't!"
"Baby, just listen to me..."
"No Vusi, I can't. I am getting married, that's it."
"Well I don't want you to."
"Just leave, Vee."
He does...
I have never seen someone with so much courage in my entire life
Someone who would do something like that,
For me
A meesly me
And so I felt so bad news
As the wedding continued
I started feeling bad about everything
About love
About what is above
All
H
ow do I stand tall?
And move freely down halls
"I'm sorry, Tyler. But I can't do this"
-- this is how
I started feeling better now
I felt like screaming out aloud
I ran the streets of Cape Town
Like a fool in my wedding gown
Running, running
Running towards a fucking destiny
A destiny of peace
A destiny a love
A destiny of happiness
And not exactly of the confusion of it
As I ran into that random Cape Town CBD building
Climbing the elevator up to the top
The doors open
And I saw You
It's you, you dumb fuck
You are my happiness
You are my peace
You are my love
You are, Vusi!
End of Part 3
YOU ARE READING
Confusion Of Happiness
PoetryA beautiful exposure to the roughness and beautiful emotional intensity of a young boy . A cry for help, but yet a better understanding of one's feelings -- both internal and external.
