I do, I did

6

After Miranda left, Ben went upstairs. He took his clothes off and got in the shower. " Think. Think. Think." Ben chanted to himself.

He felt like his whole world was collapsing on top of him. After he got out of the shower he went to bed. "You were cheating on me. You slept with her." Simone asked as Ben looked up and saw her arms crossed with tears coming down her face.

Ben sat up and looked at her. "I'm sorry Simone. I messed up." Ben said.

" Do you love her ? Or did you just get caught up with old feelings? Was it just sex?" Simone asked question after question.

Ben thought. Miranda would never be just sex to him, she was far from just sex. They didn't have just sex. Sex was more than an act of pleasure. It  was their ability to feel close to each other, they were so connected, so comfortable, it's breath taking to the point where they felt like they couldn't take it and in those moments they are a part of each other. Ben exhaled loudly and he looked into her eyes " I love her with everything I have, and of course I got caught up with old feelings, my feelings for her will never ever go away and it wasn't just sex, I crave for her." Ben answered honestly as she slapped him.

"how dare you disrespect me and say those things to me. Do you realize, you are talking to your wife?"

" I am really sorry Simone. I love you but I am in love with Miranda." Ben said.

" I will always love you and our child, but I need and want to be with her. God gave me a second chance at the love of my life and I would be stupid to not live with her and be with her" Ben continued standing up from the bed.

"Ben please don't leave me. You know how I felt about marriage and raising a child. If you leave I guess I am going back to LA. To pick up with my old life." Simone said.

"Back to LA?" Ben asked raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah I'm going back home then. I’m going to go back and be with my family. I came here for you and if I'm not going to have you then what's the point."

"The point is, you are carrying my child. And now you want to move a 1,000 miles away and leave your job." Ben said frustrated.

"We can discuss custody agreements and visitation later." Simone said looking over at him.

" I'm going into the guest room." Ben said with anger as he slammed the door. He didn’t want Simone to take his baby away from him.

Months past and Miranda finally got herself together. She got a nice apartment and got all of her furniture. Everything in her life was back on track once again.

She was in the E.R. with her residents. Assisting the trauma doctors today. They got the call that is was a big office building and bank on fire. "Okay everyone be ready we have a big trauma coming in. Be ready to help and assistant where ever you are needed." Miranda instructed her group. She watched as they dispersed.

She assisted Hunt with a women who was badly injured. “We are going to have to turn this E.r. into an O.r. I'll be right back I'm going to go get a sterile surgical instrument kit.” Miranda ran down to the supply room and she grabbed a kit out and the jogged back to the E.r.

Miranda watched as they rolled in the next victim. "Ben?" Miranda said out loud loudly. She stared as he rolled by. "Oh my god Ben." Miranda yelled dropping the surgical instruments on the floor.

"One of you go get another surgical kit and bring it to Hunt immediately." Miranda yelled. She jogged off to go to the other trauma room. "Ben oh my God what happened." Miranda said as she rushed into the room. She grabbed her stethoscope and put it to his chest. She looked down suddenly as Ben's body began to shake. "Oh, he is having a seizure, push 1 mg of Clonazepam. Miranda said as she held his body down. After a while his body stopped spasming. "Okay next we need-

"Miranda you can't be in here." Richard called out. " Like hell I can't." Miranda scuffed as she walked over to Ben and lifted his eye lid taking her light out to check his pupils. "Miranda let us handle this." Richard argued. "He has a blunt abdominal injury. We need to get an ultrasound as fast a possible. He could have internal bleeding." Miranda barked out orders as she ignored him.

" Miranda Bailey. Get out of this room and let me handle this. I am saying this not as a friend but as your Chief." Richard yelled.

"With all do respect Sir. That is my husband and I am not going anywhere." Miranda yelled back.

" Bailey." Richard said once again.

Miranda backed away from Ben and let Richard take over. She side eyed and scrunched her nose up at him. " I am not going to work on him but I am not leaving my husband. I'm staying in this room." Miranda yelled back as tears screamed down her face.

"How did this happen?" Miranda asked one of the firefighters that stood on the outside of the door. " He went into the building to help victims out and we didn't know the roof wasn't stable. The roof collapsed." The woman said with soot all over her face.

Miranda looked over at Ben. He was still unconscious but his heart rate was a little high but normal for trauma and his breathing was fine. His body was trying to protect it's self from the pain. He had soot, scrapes and cuts on his face. She watched as they did the ultrasound sound on his abdomen. His normally perfect chiseled stomach had a big red and purple bruise on it. " Oh Damn it Ben." Miranda said out loud. Miranda looked up at the ultrasound. " He has a liver-

"A liver laceration which resulted in hemorrhaging. Let's get him up to the O.R. stat." Richard yelled cutting her off. Her back was against the wall as they rolled him out.

She followed down behind him and she stood on the outside of the O.r. door. Her hand was shaking out of fear and worry. She put her hand over her heart as it raced. Miranda back against the wall to steady her self. "Dam you Ben. Dam you." Miranda yelled in the hall way.

She tried to forget about him and move on. It got easier as the days went by. She eventually stopped thinking about him everyday. She accepted that he would no longer be apart of her life. She'd let him go, it was as simple as that but now the love that she had for this man. Hit her like a Mac truck and was literally knocking the wind out of her body.

Miranda slid down the wall and sat on the floor. " Miranda oh my God I heard. Oh honey. Everything is going to be alright." Callie said sitting down on the floor beside her.

" He is going to be fine. You have the best surgeons that could ever operate on him." Callie said hugging her.

" I love him Callie. I had to tell myself everyday that I didn't love him until I felt better, but I was fooling myself. I love that man like he is apart of me."

"Shhhh shhh. I know you do." Callie said rubbing her back.

Miranda sat on the floor for two hours. Callie eventually left to go back to help with other patients.

" Miranda." Richard said as she looked up.

"Yes." She answered with her big doe-eyes.

" He had a grade IV. Liver lac. At first the bleeding was uncontrollable but we got a handle on it. Tied it with 4 knots. They are taking him to recovery now." Richard said as he helped her get up.

Miranda followed them to his room. She watched as they dressed his wound from the window. When everyone cleared out, she went inside and sat in the chair next to him. She looked at him sleeping and she knew he was exhausted. Miranda grabbed his hand and rubbed her fingers across his knuckles.

"Uggh Ben. I love you. You really wanted me to feel how you felt all of those years with me. Well now I am angry. Very angry at you. If I was awake when you decide to become a firefighter. You know you would have gotten so much flack from me Benjamin Warren. Like really a firefighter? Are you crazy?" Miranda fussed angrily at him.

"Only Miranda Bailey would fuss me out after surgery." Ben chuckled in between coughing. His voice was groggy.

"Ben you’re awake. Do you need anything. Want anything? " Miranda asked dabbing her eye to prevent her tears from falling. "Just some water." Ben said.

Miranda got up and went to get him some water. She handed him the cup and used the remote to raise his bed up. Ben drunk his water and Miranda went over his operation with him.

"Miranda. When I was in the office building. I thought I saw you go into the bank. I could tell that the insulation was probably not up to code but when we told everyone to evacuate. We were pulling people out but there was this woman in the back. I only looked at her from a glance but I couldn't leave her. If she was you, I couldn't let the building collapse on you." Ben said looking at her.

Miranda got up from the chair and she climbed into bed with him. She made sure to get on the opposite side of his wound. She clicked her teeth and looked up at Ben, lightly slapping his face. "Uggh I can't stand you Ben Warren. Go to sleep you need your rest." Miranda said kissing his cheek.

"Love you too." Ben said chuckling.

Miranda ended up falling asleep along with him. "Miranda." Callie whispered.

Miranda opened her eyes slowly. "Yes." She whispered not wanting to wake up Ben.

"I need to talk to you for a second. Come out into the hall." Callie said looking back at the door.

Miranda got up and followed her out the door to the nurse desk. " What is it? Did something with him change? Was there a complica-." Miranda's words were cut short as she watched Simone rush into Ben's room.

Her eyes were wide and turned to find Callie's.

"We didn't call her. His co workers from the fire station did. They don't know you as his wife, only her. She said his chief called to ask her for an update and she didn't even know he was hurt nor in the hospital…that's why I called you out here. I didn't want you to be laying there when she came in." Callie said looking at Miranda as she closed her mouth.

" Well it's only fair. Thank you for having my back. You are a great best friend. Plus I'm still on my shift so I need to get back to work." Miranda said as Callie handed her, her white coat. Miranda put it on and fixed her hair. She slowly walked past Ben's door and his eyes connected with hers. Miranda shoved her hands into her coat pocket and she shook her head walking away.