The New Roommate//Aph Prussia x Canada

11

Matthew sat down on his bed and took out his phone. His hands were trembling, he couldn't believe how close he was to mess up. He should have been a lot more careful, but how could he have known? He hasn't heard from anyone from his team for over a year. He never picked up when they called, he rarely responded to messages, hoping that they would someday leave him alone. He really liked them all but he had to cut ties with them to be able to go on with his new life.

He found the messaging app and selected the same voice mail as before.

"Message from the day: 23 November, 13:04. Phone number unknown." The same voice said in a mechanical manner. Matthew always hated the way it sounded but there wasn't anything he could do to change it, and that voice was the only one that he had to rely on when he was using his phone.

"Hi Matt, this is Kevin from the team... the hockey team ... so um... how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while... I.. um... hope that all is good with you."

There was a longer pause.

"So yeah, I heard that you recently moved to Berlin... Alfred told me and he gave me your number... And yeah... all is fine with the team, some guys came and left... it really isn't the same without you, you know"

Another long pause.

"Fuck, you probably don't want to listen to all of this anyway. But I... I was trying to contact you because the Canadian national team will be playing a friendly match against the German national team on the 28th of December, right after Christmas... And since you're in Germany, I thought that it would be cool to see you, the other guys would like that too... So yeah... It would be nice to hang out like... like in the old times. Anyways, I guess that's all. We all really miss you, peace out."

The message ended with a loud beep. Matthew wanted to throw his phone against the wall, he was angry, trying to once more hold back the tears but it was too hard to do. He gave up, letting the tears stream down his face, no one would see him cry anyway and he just needed to get everything out of his system.

It's been such a long time since he heard his old friend's voice, he was trying to remember exactly how he looked and he was surprised by how well he still remembered him. He was told that with time, he would forget how things and people looked like but this wasn't the case yet. For now, he could remember everything as if it happened yesterday.

All the games, all the arenas, all the people he encountered, it all came piling on him again and he couldn't stop it from happening.

He knew that we would not meet his old teammates in Germany during the game, he would not come to watch it, he wouldn't even turn on the TV. He was too embarrassed to show up, what if someone recognized him? He would have to answer questions, explain everything and the media would probably not let him live normally again. He didn't want that, not in the state that he currently was in, not like this.

He decided that he wouldn't even respond to Kevin, he knew that if he did, his old friend would not let him go, he would try to contact him again. It was better to let it all go, pretend like the message never arrived, just like he's been doing for the past three years.

Matt kept on crying, he didn't give a shit about it, he had to let his emotions show at some point. And it wasn't only the message that made him cry, it was the trip to the store, the conversation on the way back, the encounter with Felix, the feeling that people were looking at him all the time... It all was too much for him to handle at once.

He could not fight off the feeling that maybe his parents were right, that maybe he should have stayed in one place, that way, no one would see him, judge him, and try to harm him.

Matthew slammed his hand on the bed, barely making a sound. No. He could not think like that, all these years he was trying to escape his family, he tried to refuse to believe what his parents told him, and he wouldn't give in now. He was far away from them, he could do what he wanted and he was going to succeed in what he set out to do, no one was there to stop him now.

When he waved off that feeling, anger started to set in. He was supposed to be there, playing with his teammates, that's what he was destined to do, that's what he has done for years before, he had to find a way to do it again. But he also wouldn't let them see him like this, he would not be able to handle their looks, he wanted to be remembered by them the way he used to be before he went blind. That's how he wanted the world to remember him.