I wrote about my relationship and my dad but I didn't want the song to be completely about him so it's narrowed to the boy, constant lies, thinking about fighting for them,every time I forgive them when I knew that I shouldn't have. Wasting my energy and mental health to try to heal and fix you but you were taking it as if I was controlling you, I wasn't responsible for your self made obstacles you led my to end the hospital, I loved you when couldn't help it I had a feeling that they never had felt but I shouldn't have the other way. It was like my heart was writing for my hands, playing along with the piano keys I made something remarkable.
Maybe my instincts were right along, I couldn't love him if I couldn't love myself,I wasn't being selfish I was being honest, running from your problems, crying endless nights wishing for the best knowing you weren't it. Showcasing the vulnerable side of myself was something I've always wanted to do but I could never find the right moment too, so creating this single was a way for me too, I was very hesitant putting this out into the world, but my gut encouraged me too so I just felt like it was right. Leaving my heart broken, empty I had became emotionless, doing things I wished I never had done. I refused to fix you, relying on myself was a me problem and not yours maybe we just weren't meant to be.
This song was gonna show something that I had never show cased before, I was ready for everything to come out and concluding everything, I wrote an album with my team, its my story, each song tells something from a different perspective but they all match up in the end. I was very hesitant letting this song out but I just was getting encouraged by Josh, my mom and family and I was ready to cross that obstacle.
———————————— ryleighdisick
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liked by joshrichards and 8,627,971 others ryleighdisick letting it speak for its self 🌨 2.14 view all 18,719 comments kourtneykardashian my love 💕
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Next week was Valentines Day, and thats when my single, 'Selfish' was coming out, I felt relieved when nobody made any negative comments which I was so confused about but I wasn't gonna complain. I was working on my debut album for the past few months and it was turning out much better than I had expected, letting music find my way out of a deep hole. I was at a photoshoot earlier and I was so tired but I still wasn't that type of tired. So I was hanging out with Josh at his apartment, we were outside walking around with Buddy.
"How the fuck do you even do that?" He asked because I told him I may or may have not like double parked in one spot at 2 this morning and didn't get a ticket, "It was 2am" I say laughing, "Bryce does that at like 2pm and he gets a ticket", He says laughing as well as we turn the corner a guy in his car with a camera is there so I see him grab his camera and take a few pictures so I hide behind the nearest tree, "A tree really?" I roll my eyes as I fix my sunglasses, I was wearing black biker shorts, rams championship shirt and white air force's, "Hey guys" I look to see Fletcher and like 2 other guys, "Hey" we both say, "So the people want to know", "What do the people wanna know" Josh says as we both laugh, "Are you guys dating because people are like shipping you guys a lot" I can see Josh's face blush, as I hide mine, "Umm we are just friends man, very funny we both just got out of relationships so we just trying to find ourselves but were just friends" Josh explains as Buddy takes a piss on Josh's shoes and I burst into laughter, "Omg seriously" He says moving Buddy off of him, Fletcher and the other guys ask us a few more questions before they leave and we go back to his apartment, "Jeez they stink" I say moving away from his shoes as he tosses them in the washer. "When I take you on a walk I mean to piss in the grass not on my shoes" He says to Buddy as she barks at him, "And she talks back" I say as Josh closes the patio door, "Alright" he says as he sits on the couch turning the tv on so we could finish the movie we were watching earlier the last 10 minutes of the movie I fall asleep my head landing on Josh's shoulder.
-Josh's pov- Me and Ryleigh were watching 'Unknown Origins' since it was her idea and honestly the movie wasn't that bad it was kinda good, they're were like 10 minutes left in the movie and I feel a head fall on my shoulder as I look to see Ryleigh passed out, she still look stunning in her sleep, to admit I'm in love with her these last few months we've been flirty and some shit as friends, but I love her so much, she's helped me through a lot, getting over Nessa and Jaden showing me what I wanted and value in life it was like we were meant to be, the movie ends and I quietly move my arm to reach the remote, turning off the tv dropping a blanket over us, as I get into a comfortable position, I lay her head on my chest smiling at the girl in front of me, we've slept like this before at her house when we both were watching a movie and I feel asleep on her.
Its like her presents is a drug that I want, I just can't get enough of her but I know her dad wouldn't expect me, but I know her mom would, her mom was very openly to me when I first met her almost like her home became my 2nd home, I was welcomed there a lot over the past few months and my heart and gut is telling me yes but I don't know if she's really ready for another relationship so I guess I'll just keep that in mind for a bit.
-your pov-
I remember falling asleep on Josh's shoulder no where did I remember falling asleep on his chest, I peak my head up smiling as soft quiet snores come from his mouth hair blocking his eyes, I started to drool a bit so I quickly wipe my mouth laying there enjoying the moment, to be fair I was in love with him, he's the person for me his blue ocean eyes, humor and personality was everything but I wasn't going to push him because I don't think he's ready for a committed relationship just yet.
After a while I hear him start to wake up so I close my eyes making it seem like I was sleeping, as I see him bring his hand to face moving his obnoxiously long hair out of his face, running his hands up and down my back, "God I love you" My eyes widen at his soft statement, admittedly a hot blush comes across my face spreading around, "What did you just say" I say lifting my face up as his face becomes red, eyes wide open like he'd seen a ghost, "Umm were you awake?" He says scratching the back of his neck as I nod, "I love you too" I say smiling a bit as his face turns from embarrassment to a sight of relief looking each other in the eyes, not knowing the next move.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks softly as I nod my head as our lips touch, a spark had been seen, the moment we were both waiting for he was the reason I was loving again. After a couple of seconds we break apart looking at each other bursting out laughing, "Omg what just happened" Josh asks catching his breath, "Well that happened" I say reexplaining everything as if he didn't do anything- boys an I right, "But I do mean it, I really do love you Ryleigh but I understand if you aren't ready for a relationship" he says looking me dead in eyes, "I mean I didn't think you were so thats why I didn't say anything". Turns out both of us loved each other it was like we were healing at the same time then falling for one another, it was just pure love and honesty.
