Grief

Denial Pt 2

Natsu waited outside Master Makorav’s door, his foot tapping nervously. Today he would be meeting with a psychiatrist for an evaluation of his mental state. Fairy Tail’s master thought it might be best for him to be checked before he be questioned by the Council about his captors, since Natsu has been doing poorly the past month he’d been back home. First with his constant meltdowns, and now choking his best friend. He gripped the arms of the chair tightly, gritting his teeth.

 He almost killed Lucy.

The door to Masters office opened and he walked inside. He gulped, taking a seat across from the female shrink.

“Hello Natsu, I’m Dr. Kavinsky. I understand I was invited here by Fairy Tails master to talk about how you’ve been doing lately. Mind I ask how your feeling?”

His lip twitched, his gaze darting to the floor.

“Fine”

The shrink wrote his answer down on paper. Natsu sighed.

So this is how it’s going to be.

“Listen Natsu, I already know about your captivity and the breakdowns you’ve had over the past month. So I need you to tell me why you choked Lucy three days ago”

“She startled me”

Dr. Kavinsky tapped her nails on the chair arm, waiting for him to say more. He didn’t however, just turning his head to stare out the window.

“How so?”

“I was just remembering something”

“Was it something they did to you?”

“Yeah”

“Can you tell me what it was?”

He looked at her, eyes glazing over. She stared at him expectantly, making him flinch violently and look away. He tried to form words but they wouldn’t come out, making him move his lips silently with unspoken words. The shrink watched him, observing carefully. He trembled violently before glaring at the floor with hatred.

“They…”

“They what Natsu?”

“They… did things okay?! Things I can’t talk about”

“Can’t or don’t Natsu?”

“Can’t”

“Are you sure you just don’t want to talk about it?”

The man shook violently, tears dripping from his once tanned face. He faced the wall, his fists clenching tightly. Kavinsky stared sympathetically, knowing how hard it was for him to come out.

It’s always harder for men.

Unknown to Natsu, his friends knew he was raped. They had seen evidence of the act while cleaning trying to bandage his wounds up, and again while in the bath. The wounds on his genitals were severe, completely noticeable if his pants were removed. Lucy was the first to notice them, and after pointing them out to the others, they decided for the sake of all Natsu’s dignity not to let him know they knew about it. If he knew they knew, he would lose all sense of pride, of choice, of everything. If he wants them to know he’ll tell them. He just needs time to heal.

“It’s alright Natsu. I promise I won’t tell anyone unnecessary if you don’t want me too. I just need you to tell me so that I can help you”

He lowered his head, closing his eyes. He needs to trust her. He needs to trust her. He needs to trust her. He needs to trust her. He needs to trust her. He needs to-

He took a breath of air, holding his head up high. He was going to be a man about this.

“They raped me”