Remnants Behind The Mirror

Little White Lie

Much to my dismay, Dex wasn't gone. He never was. People claimed personifying my emotions would help me. That they wouldn't be such foreign concepts to me anymore. By giving Dex a name, I surrendered my dignity to him. At first, it was a way to cope. Dex and I were mutuals in a world we didn't understand, trying to support and understand each other.

But now?

I gave him too much of myself. Every corrupted thought, every little white lie, every insecurity of mine, Dex owned. They were all bundled up into something that shouldn't even exist in the first place.

My vision swam as I peered into my cup of coffee. He peered right back at me, lifeless, with a grin tugging at his lips. I pushed the cup aside, having lost my appetite a while ago. A warm, sickly feeling formed a lump in my throat. I hastily swallowed it back down. I dismissed my gut feelings as a side effect of not catching up on sleep; something I've been lacking. I shut my eyes and rubbed the temples of my forehead, hoping this wasn't real.

Hoping that this was a messed-up dream.

The shadowy flicker from the corner of my eye unfortunately proved otherwise.

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A knock at my door snapped me out of my daze. My feet dragged behind me as I walked to it, sneaking a glance at who might be outside. The glass next to the door was too thick, making the figure outside blurry. I held my breath. For a moment, I thought it might be Dex outside, waiting for me, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. Another set of frantic knocks made me finally open the door. In front of me stood my friend, Eva. Her curly ginger hair framed her sharp, freckled face, and her hands rested on her hips.

"Hey, buddy! You look like you've just seen a ghost!"

Eva's laughter died down. My throat grew dry the longer the silence between us thickened.

"... Right. Touchy subject."

I stepped aside to let her in and locked the door behind us. I double-checked if any unwanted visitors were lurking outside. After confirming there were none, I headed to the kitchen with her. My trembling hands reached for a glass cup.

"Would you like anything to—"

"Syx. Look at me."

I glanced over my shoulder and froze.

"Something's bothering you and we both know it. You haven't been out of..."

Eva's lips moved, but the silence that followed was deafening. A shadowy figure loomed over her, watching my every move with two beady eyes and the slightest hint of a smile. I blinked, but the imprint where it stood lingered in my vision. With another blink, Eva was standing in front of me, waving a hand over my eyes.

"... Did you hear anything I just said?"

Rather than staring me down with a scowl, her brows were knit together with concern. Her lips formed a thin line. I shook my head and tore my gaze away from her, unable to find the right words. With a huff, Eva sat down in a chair, drumming her fingers along the arm of it.

"I know you're not going to admit it yourself, but something's been keeping you up at night."

I balked, finally looking her in the eyes. Maybe it was too obvious, with the dark circles and all. No amount of makeup could've concealed how exhausted I appeared.

"What I'm trying to say is just that... I'm worried about you."

"I'm—" Before I could muster up an apology, she pressed on.

"I just want to know what's going on." Eva leaned forward, clasping her hands together. Her knuckles grew white from how tightly she held herself. I picked at the sides of my sleeves, fidgeted with my hands some more. I couldn't avoid the problem at hand for very long; we both knew that.

But maybe I could buy some time.

The lie came out smoothly enough: "I just haven't felt like myself lately."

I looked up at her, just enough to see her nod, and continued to speak.

"I didn't want to upset you or anyone else. It's why I haven't... been around."

I paused, reflecting on the words that rolled off my tongue far too easily. It couldn't have been that long since I've been outside. I could've sworn I met with Eva and Kiara a week ago—or had it been months since then?

"Oh, Syx... You won't upset anyone, believe me." Eva rested her hand on my shoulder, ruefully smiling.

"If there's something on your mind, you need to tell us. It's better to get it out in the open than it is to keep it inside of you." Then, quietly, "I should know."

"I will."

With that, Eva pulled me into a hug. I rested my head on her shoulder, sighing deeply. Dex's voice, however, no longer came as a whisper. A warm breath brushed against my cheek, as though he was standing right next to me. Any comfort I once had shattered.

"You won't."