𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 ~ ₛₚₐₘ

taylor the cat<3

hello hello hello i literally havent updated this in 4ever so yeah here's some random updates plus a random story from today

mental health: ok so my mental health is absolute shit rn. sometimes it's better but idk it's gotten a lot worse over the last few months. idk I've just been disassociating a lot and i cant seem so snap out of it. i have absolutely no motivation to do anything anymore and i feel sad all the time. it's like even if i have a really fun day, when i get back home i just become either sad or feel like i cant feel any sort of emotion at all. i feel so detached from everything and overwhelmed with the amount of responsibilities i seem to have. I've also been struggling with eating lately (well for like just over a month). like I'll still eat but a very small amount each day.  and it's inconsistent. some days I'll eat two full meals (which is normal for me since i don't really eat breakfast normally) and others i feel so insecure with my body and thinking abt how I'm not skinny enough and so i barely eat, most likely just 1 meal a day or i just run on small snacks. idk its all going down the drain. every time i think abt telling my parents abt it, they just give me another reason not to. the reason I've had trouble with eating in the first place was just because of this one time i got sick and didn't eat the whole day and for some reason i got a rush of dopamine from not eating and feeling that emptiness in my stomach so i just kept going with it. 

other stuff: ok so <andrew garfield3, i finally got over this one crush, oh and i think I'm genderfluid (pronouns are she/they/he) and omnisexual (but i could be wrong lmao) i got new books but I'm gonna get some more ;)) 

OK STORY

so today i had this like prep thing for a test i have to take for high school admissions after school(a private high school that I'm probably not even gonna go to) and after that thing my friend (and firstlarrie28 <3 ) and i were waiting for our parents and me and my other friend went in the direction of the deck thing that's attached to our classroom and there was a cat just licking itself on the little thing we have in the back. basically my friend and i approached it and it started to run away but she said "no don't run, we're friendly" and it literally stopped in its tracks and started to walk towards us whilst meowing. i meowed back (#furryvibestbh) because i have a pretty good cat impression despite being allergic to them. and it started to meow whenever i meowed at it and it jumped onto the deck and started to let us pet it - don't worry we made sure it wasn't some random stray that had rabies or some shit- and it was literally so pretty. its eyes were a beautiful shade of green and its fur was like brown (but like different shades) and it was pretty fat ngl. it literally hung out with us until my friends had left and then some other kids and one of the supervisors had come over to where i was and started petting the cat(which we named taylor - bc a) taylor swift, and b) bc we didn't know what sex it was so we picked a more neutral name). yeah it was super friendly to me and everyone else but it bit both my younger brother and sister which was pretty funny tbh. and it almost followed us to our car but i had to watch it until it actually left.