Small Doses | EUPHORIA {1}

7

It's been a few days since I spoke with Fez. Four day to be exact. Two days ago Rue finalley came home. Mom was at the usually, the yelling and the fighting. Simple way to put it she woke up the whole house, and of course Eli and Gia were confused on what was going on. I had to cut it short and tell mom that I knew where Rue was but simple forgot because 'I' haven't been feeling good. And with that we all went to sleep. I look at my beautiful son, as he sleep. It hurts, my past choices affecting my son's future, and at the end of the day it's my decision. It can either go well or it can simple crumble into a million fucking pieces, and I don't want my baby to suffer because of my mistakes. I didn't seem to realize that I was crying.

"Mommy why are you sad."

"It nothing"

"Mommy.. it is auntie Rue?"

"No baby, this isn't about auntie Rue."

"Are you sure mommy, cause I see Gia and Grandma always worrying sbout auntie Rue."

Oh he is too smart for his age.

"No baby, I swear this isn't about Rue."

"Then why are you crying mommy?"

" I'm just worried about about you baby."

"why mommy?"

"You know how you always asking me about daddy.?"

He nods. As I was holding him in my arms.

'When I found out that you, my mister sweetface, well you were happly in my belly. And I was very young and scared, mostly because my dad died. I was very very sad but you brought me happiness. You bought us hope. I was gonna tell your dad, but instead of facing my fears mister sweetface, Mommy ran away. Daddy didn't know about you,that's why he never came to look for you. But a few days ago I saw daddy. And he knows about you. I didn't know how to tell you about him."

"Mommy?"

Honestly I was afraid of what he might say or anything that came out his mouth, or what in the world was my son thing. How was he processing all of this information. And it was all my fault.

"Yes..?"

"Mommy" I can hear the hurt in his voice as he was beginning to ask his question. Elias wanted to crying but was holding back his emotion, it hurt me to see him like this."

"Does daddy want me?"

and with that my heart shatterned into a thousand of pieces.

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the next morning.

It's finally friday, which was the first night of the carnival, after that conversation I had with him last night I just want to distract Eli. As I drove him to school he was very quiet, mostly processing the fact about his dad. I was in mid-thought when I hear him calling me.

"Momma, What is my dad's name."

"Fez, His name is Fez"

and with that the whole car ride was silent. As soon as the school. I went straight to the corner store, the one Fez and his brother Ashtray works at.

I just parked but didn't have the power to get out the car, my body felt so heavy. I was thinking to hard that I didn't notice Fez opening up the passenger side door.

"Yo what up with you, you good?"

"Um yeah."

"You sure ? Cause Ashtray said you just been sitting here in the car for about a whole ass hour."

"Has it been an hour?"

"Yes. so what up with you, why are you here Luz.?"

"We need to talk about Eli."

"Luz! Is he alright?"

"Nothing is wrong with him, chill."

"Yo don't be scaring me like that Elida. I take shit like that serious."

"Didn't think you care that much about."

"Of course I do he my blood."

"I told him about you last night."

"What the little man say?"

I can tell by the tone of his voice he was scared about what Eli thought about him. I can tell that Fez didn't want to end of like his dad, he wanted to be better than him.

"He asked me If you wanted him."

"Fuck."

I can tell that he is pissed off that his own son is even asking that question, but Eli has ever right to ask what he want no matter how painful it might be.

"Elida, I don't want him thinking I abandon, I don't want to do to him what my dad did to me. He is the most precious thing I got in this world."

"He know it's not your fault, I told him everything last night, well minus the whole drug dealer thing. I don't wanna ruin his image of you. He been waiting for you Fez. And if it's anyone fault it's mine. Because I was the one that ran away. I was the one that left in the first place."

"Don't say shit like that, it wasn't your fault either, live is just a little fucked up."

At this point I couldn't stop my tears from dropping. Fez grabbed me into a hug. we just sat there. Fezco holding me as I let it all out.

"So what do we do now?"

"We figure it out together, as a team."