do i think he loved me? i think he did, because he told me he did and everything we went through along with all the things he did proved to me that he did, in fact, love me. the first time he ever said it i love you to me was when we were only 16 years old. did we really know what love was at that age, probably not, but whatever we had was real. when he first said it, he had asked me if i loved him first, i didn't know what to say because we were still a thing and not officially a couple. i asked him, "do YOU love ME?" he said "of course i do, i love you."
fast forward 2 years, at 18, he said he loved me still, i told him how do you know. he said he knew because he felt that i was someone he felt at peace with, that he could act like himself without feeling judged, he said he felt attached to me and that he never wanted to let me go. he said you are my greatest achievement in life, i love you so much words can't express how i feel for you
i knew he loved me because he was the only person who was really there for me, and actually proved it and meant it when he said i'm here for you, always
he was always there to hold me tight when i had panic attacks, he massaged my back and my leg whenever they started hurting really bad because of my physical problems that caused me pain, he hugged me and kissed my forehead whenever i cried, he liked to study my facial features and trace them gently with his fingers while he told me how pretty i was. the most beautiful girl in the world he said i was.
when i would fall asleep before him, he would wake me up by burrowing his nose in my neck and smell me, he said, he would softly move the hair out of my face and kiss me all over my face to wake me up just so he could tell me goodnight and spooned me while he fell asleep next to me. in the mornings, when the sun shined through the window, he knew i didn't like any light while i slept and that i needed it to be pitch black in order to be able to sleep, even if it was at 6 in the morning during summer when the sun came up earlier, he would get up to close the curtains and would put his shoe or his backpack against the wall to hold the curtain down so the sun wouldn't come shining through the sides of the curtains either so i could continue sleeping peacefully. if i was afraid of going out in the hall in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he would never mind waking up just to walk me and accompany me while i went. when we showered together, he liked massaging my hair and shampooing it while he kissed my nose and my lips. when i had bad days at work, he would surprise me by telling me he left something at my door, even after his 9 hour long late shifts as well, and he would usually leave roses and chocolate covered strawberries with a little card telling me he loved me.
it was really just all the little details and all the small gestures he would do for me that i knew he really did love me. until i'm six feet under he said.
