Kinky Kirky

The Kurse of the Kink

'Chadders, Chadders' that is all I heard waking up this morning. Yes, that's right I woke up this morning. And have wife.

I scuttled out of bed and I stumbled to the kitchen I poured myself a cup of ambition and yawned and stretched and tried to come to life. 'I HATE DOLLY PARTON' I screamed out of my window. The unsuspecting neighbour Ned.F. called me a pussio and threw his treadmill over the fence, shattering the patio door. What a bad start to my day, I pondered.

Driving to school, no I am not a pupil you silly Billy hahahahhaha I am a teacher! Except I don't teach anything! Except maths but that's not really a real thing is it ahhaha hahahaha xx, I listened to Mask by Dream, Dolly Partons rival enemy!

I scuttled through the school gates and yeeted dog treated and concreted (like the lovejoy song <3 I Stan wiblur soot <3) myself over the nuns queuing up outside. I narrowly scuttled past Mrs Clarke who was alarmingly yelling at the top of her epiglottis 'WOW ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE' she smiled her sarcastic smile at me, wielding her sword. She held it to my own personal epiglottis and questioned me questioningly- 'have you seen Tiny Tim?' I responded that he had gone 'that way' and watched her scuttle off into the sunrise wielding her astronomically long pen. I have an own personal pen and I have an own personal pineapple and together I am like that one fella or at least that's what that woman teacher once called me her name I forget oh yeh her name I not forget. Charles Farish. I see her now, waddling out of the sunset with rapid pace.

'Hi girlyyyy xxx' I say seeing Mrs Farish the hot babe waddling in my general vicinity carrying her classic Lidl shopping bag where she keeps her snacks if you know what I mean hahahahahah. I wield a mushroom and she runs for the first time since her accident (if you know what I mean ahahahahaaaa) back into the sunrise.

I scuttle my way through the noodley corridors spotting the occasional googly eye. Without fail whenever I see a googly eye I shout a homophobic and racial and ableist and transphobic and xenophobic and of course ageist slur all at the same time (a phenomenon I have perfected over my years as a homophobe and a racist and an ableist and a transphobic and a xenophobere and an agiest scuttler on the planet). I get a dirty look from the food tech teacher, you know the little old woman who has been convicted of the deaths of multiple student but she teacher anyway because I was the one who ordered these assasinations. This is because the dead students all belonged to The Corner. You know. The Corner.