In retrospect I know that I should have done something to circumvent what happened.
Punch him in the face, call my mom, anything. But I was too afraid, like a deer in headlights. In the moment it's so different. I very much dislike looking back and knowing I should have done something more than just accept it.
For quite a while, I avoided him. I didn't talk to him. Neither of us mentioned to anyone what had happened that night. I pretended it never happened. He thought that I still wanted to be his friend, but he molested me. Of course I wasn't going to associate myself with him.
A few weeks after the incident, I get a text from an extremely close friend saying, "I think I like ____."
The boy who molested me. My friend had a crush on him.
I explained to her about half of what happened between us. She knew something was up, but she didn't know details, so I filled her in.
Thinking I talked her out of it, I didn't mention it again. That is, until she texted me telling me that they were dating. That's when I told her the rest. In person. She seemed really upset. Almost like she was mad at me. But then she told me that they broke up.
Relief washed over me. I thought this whole ordeal was over with. I didn't have to think about it ever again.
But then, she tells me that they're dating again. To this day they're still together.
It makes me feel awful about myself. I know he lied to her and told her an excuse as to why I would say something like that. She was desperate to have a boyfriend. That's another factor.
However, when I really think about it, I realize that she believed someone she's known a month as opposed to someone she's known since the second grade. A friend like that isn't worth keeping.
When they began dating, I spread the word about what he did to me. I didn't hold it in any longer because I couldn't. I wanted people to know. Today, a lot of people know. How many believe me, I'm not sure.
As a result to the incident, I stopped going to school. I went no more than two days out of the week. I plummetted into severe depression, and I had suicidal thoughts everyday. I developed severe social anxiety disorder. My grades declined. I never left my room. I got panic attacks on a regular basis.
I went through hell. All because of a guy who craved pleasure any way he could get it.
I suffered from extreme lonliness for a really long time. I thought I was unlovable and all I was good for was sex. I thought no one would ever care about me. I continued to be friends with the girl who was dating him. I ignored the fact that he molested me. She seemed to do the same just fine.
On November 10, 2012, I started dating my boyfriend, Seamus. He changed everything. My depression disappeared, I began to like myself a bit more, and I knew that I wasn't good for just sex. He means the world to me. He's the only reason that I'm happy right now.
I never thought I'd find anyone. I assumed I'd be alone for the rest of my life and I mentally prepared myself for that. But I love Seamus and he loves me. Right at this moment I'm the happiest I've been in my entire life.
I love him more every day. He protects me and is always there for me. I know that he's never going to let anything bad happen to me ever again.
