Euthanasia

Chapter Thirteen- Paroxysm Part Two

Paroxysm (Pair-ex-sysm;ˈperəkˌsizəm): A sudden attack or violent outburst of emotion or activity; a fit, attack, or sudden increase or reoccurrence.

My hands were shaking, and my heart wouldn't stop beating. I was so close to him. Just a few steps and I could have been holding him in my arms again. But reality is cruel, and I am without him by my side. Instead, I am alone in the chilly night desert, the night before my plan was going to be enacted. It was a scary thought.

It was the thought that I would mess everything up and George could be injured, killed, that hurt the most. The thought that I could be without him forever was terrifying. But I knew I perfected this plan. It had to be perfect or else there was nothing to live for. If it all went wrong once again, I knew we would be two star-crossed lovers, just another tragic love story that would end with both of our lives, cut suddenly short with a swift swipe of a blade.

Everything was in place, and it had to be. It had to be. I would repeat the words. It had to work. These were the thoughts that replayed in my mind until morning. Until the soft yellow light of the sky peeked over mountain-like sand dunes and illuminated the night like an airy breeze.

By the time the sun was fully exposed by the dunes, I was urged by the gentle hands of my meek memory to rise from the safety of my slumber. Quickly now, the memories would tell me, someone is waiting for you, counting on you. I listened to the gentle voices urging me forward, failing to tell me of the dangers of my own plan, the faults, the lives that would be lost. Even if I did want to think about those faults, I most likely wouldn't listen to them.

You have much to do still, I heard inside my head. I nodded and left the comfort of my tent in the stranded desert for the last time. You have to go to the palace now, hurry. Suddenly, all at once, I remembered what my agenda was. For a moment, I panicked. This was the first time I forgot about what I had been doing since I left Aerith. Even still, I had to continue.

To set off the explosions deep under Iaspis, the fuse had to be lit. As soon as I left the mines, there would be a full eight hours before someone at the cave's entrance would light the fuse connecting each piece of explosives, directly leading into the center of the city, exactly where the palace was. So, in order to successfully execute the plan, I needed to rescue George in eight hours. It would probably take about an hour to reach the city and another to leave, to leave the blast radius, so that was six hours left to get into the palace, find George and get out. It was plenty of time unless something went wrong.

There was once a suggestion that was brought up, involving no time limit. At first, I was going to rescue George, bring him back to the mine entrance, then light the fuse, but that idea was quickly swept away. It would leave too much time for the Blade to escape. I needed to hit him when he least expected it, as soon as possible. So, someone would stay back to light the fuse eight hours after my departure to save George. If I didn't do it in that amount of time, there would be nothing left, so I left myself without options. I was going to save him, even if I did run into trouble. Even if the plan began to fall apart.

If George was to be injured, then I would cut myself too.

If he was to die, then I would follow him into death.

This is the only way, the voices inside my head would whisper. I nodded along with them, even if I didn't really know what they were saying.

You forgot again, didn't you? I nod, guessing I must have, watching the clouds fall into the depth of the sky. It's okay, we'll tell you what to do. It's simple, the plan. You came up with it after all. A mocking laugh filled my thoughts, but I uselessly covered it with comfort. Keep walking, you're almost there. Look at that watch in your bag. See only an hour has passed, you're in the city now. Don't show your face to anyone, remember. Pull that cloth over your head... Good, now keep walking, someone is waiting for you. You know who that is, don't you? Another laugh, confusing mockery for something else, I shook my head. Of course, you don't, but you will when you see him, no need to worry, you're so close now. The palace is right in front of you, look up.