The city of lost stars

*Stuck in a reverie*

I rolled over the bed, expecting my body to collide with nothing but empty air and cold sheets. I lifted myself up, then opened my eyes; My eyebrows furrowed as I adjust to the light coming from my window. It is indeed a new day for me. A new day of suffering, a new day of voiceless screams surfacing every inch of skin my body has. 

I looked at the clock attached to the ceiling. "4:34 am" I read on my mind as I usually do. It's too early, and I could use the time to make breakfast for my brother and my mother. 

Walking down the stairs, I can feel the the cold wooden planks everytime I step. 

I checked my brother's room. I opened the door slowly, trying to minimize the creaking sound that it makes. I slowly moved my head in the small opening, only to find out that he's sound asleep. The window above his head is open; The air is making the jade colored curtains look like a long skirt worn by a rich maiden.  Beside him is a pile of books, that I know served him well. His hands lay softly on a side, his eyes are tightly shut. He always had a thing for studying; One reason why he's always exhausted.

I shut his door close. I then proceeded to my mother's bedroom. I didn't have trouble opening her door since it's broken. The only thing that serves as a lock is a piece of fabric attached to the doorknob which is tied to a nail embedded on the wall. As I enter her room, the only aura that I could feel is the aura of loneliness. The aura is joined by the cold breeze that flows around the room from her jalousie window. I went nearer to her. As I drew my face closer to hers, I remembered hearing her muffled cries the other night. I never knew its cause, but lately, those cries are getting frequent.

I didn't look for the reason behind those cries anymore. It could hurt me or her. Either ways we'll both hurt each other for our hearts are tied together.

I went to our kitchen and started to collect the ingredients that I will be needing. I placed them in the kitchen table and started getting the tools and utensils. Just as I put the chopping board, the onion rolled and fell to the ground. I went to it when it stopped rolling and picked it up. As I picked it up, I can see a mark on the floor. Flashbacks went through my brain.

That mark symbolized my father's love to us. It looked like a diamond which is divided into four. Every quadrant represents a member of our family. But then, I was in a hurry to cook so I didn't elaborate the mark any further.

The cooking went well. I did it while observing the breaking of dawn through the kitchen's window. In no time, I was finished and all I did was fix the table and wait for mom and brother to wake up. While waiting, I got my watercolor and painted something that is unknown to me. 

Soon, as the sun rose, my brother and mother woke up. I gave them sun kissed kisses and told them to sit at the dining table.

"You made all these?" Mother asked with a hint of excitement in her eyes. I gave her a thumbs up and a smile so good that she can't even find a trace of sadness in my face. "Wow, thank you Lisanna." My brother managed to say before sitting and reaching the plate of toasts to mother. "Why did you wake up so early?" My mother asked with her eyes full of curiousity. I pointed to myself, wagged my finger, and folded my hands like praying and positioned my head to a side. "Good, thank you for this Lis, because of this I can go to work early today" She said. 
"Mother can you pass me the eggs please?" My brother said with delight in his eyes as he utters every word. "Sure" She reached for the plate, and as she did it, I noticed something with her hand.

That SCAR. That is...

I then looked down to the place where the diamond mark is. That mark is connected with the scar in her hand. But where did she get it? 

I took a bite on a toast and brainstormed. Father? Is it connected with father?

I took a sip in my orange juice. Blade? Is that scar made by a blade?

I'm feeling like I'm close to the answer that I've been looking for. Father, blade... blood... death.

FATHER, BLADE, BLOOD, DEATH.

The spoon dropped from my hand. My face filled with horror caused by what I just remembered. 

"Lisanna? Lisanna! What is happening!" My brother screamed, rising from his chair. He went to me. 

I... I have the answer but I... I can't manage to write it or express it to them. I just sat there. My face, pale, my hands trembling, my eyes widening. Why am I stuck in this kind of daydream? In this kind of reverie. Why? Why can't... why can't I just open my eyes and accept reality as it is. 

All these thoughts came to an end. I successfully calmed myself just to stop the crying. My mother was embracing me while my brother was holding my hand. I feel calm for a moment but the memories brought to me are like demons who want to escape their cage. I... I'm not calm at  all. I'm just acting calm. By this, I could make my mother and brother worry less of me. "Calm down, Lisanna, calm down" My mother whispered. "It'll all be alright, continue eating so that you will have energy to burn the whole day." She added. 

I managed to let out a simple smile and returned the embrace to mother and held my brother's hand tight. They went to their seats and continued their eating. But their eyes are glued to me. They may be thinking of the things running in my mind. They have no clue.