The Hunt

You need to listen, please.

Parker's POV:

It's been 4 days since I woke up and while I was healed, I felt like I was getting further away from everyone. I normally had Percy and my other personalities in my head and besides Percy thanking me 4 days ago for allowing such an intimate moment with our Alpha, not one word was said in my head. I know Ryan was trying really hard to pull me out of my own head and trying to get me back into normal life but I have never felt more disconnected with him either.

My family are all still here because they can see that something is wrong. I have such bad anxiety over the twins and every night I end up sneaking in and sleeping on their bedroom floor. By morning, Ryan must realize he hasn't been woken up once and ends up moving me and turning off the monitor so I am forced to have at least 4 hours of sleep. I haven't allowed Ryan to feed from me again and I have tried my best to avoid him and everyone really. I spend most of my time in the nursery with the twins or in our room hiding when he wants to take them downstairs.

I honestly have never felt so alone and off. I've been having bad thoughts lately... especially after the whole fight with Ryan. I know he didn't mean what he said about it being my fault that the twins almost died but I can't get that sentence out of my head and I kind of wish they were saved and I wasn't. No one here really needs me. I'm just serving as a human feed bag at the moment. I hear the conversations about me though. The worry from me hiding and not eating again. The worry from me basically being non-verbal. I hear it all, whether they think they are being quiet or not.

I'm currently hiding out on our balcony during one of the times that Ryan took the twins downstairs. With Percy being out of reach, I couldn't reach my bond. Ryan could still access everything, I can hear him when he links me but I can't make the connection myself. My thoughts were all over the place. I was worried about the twins being away from me, but on the other hand I was worried about them being near me too. I was unsettled with how everyone really felt about me, especially Ryan and Derek. I don't think I have ever seen Der look so disappointed in me than when I admitted to putting the nursery together. My thoughts were so very dark right now and it honestly scared me, but I didn't know who to go to without the worry that I'd be sent to a mental hospital or judged.

"Knock, Knock."

I jumped and whipped my head to the doorway. *What are you doing up here? Where's the twins?*

Ryan gave me a small worried smile. "Derek and Violet have them downstairs. They are sleeping in the bassinet."

*Why... Why would you leave them downstairs?* I stood up from my seat.

"Because we need to talk and leaving them downstairs is the only way to get them away from you."

*Why would you need to keep my kids away from me? I can just go get them.* I paced.

"Sure. Go ahead." He moved to the side and held his arm out telling me to go.

I stormed past him and made it to the door before I froze. In order to go get them, I'd have to actually go downstairs. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the door.

"Like I said, we need to talk. You won't go farther than the nursery. For anything. I can hear all your thoughts lately. All of them."

"Just go away." I whispered.

"No, Parker. I can't do that. The last time you gave off the vibe you are now, I listened and I found you bleeding out on our bathroom floor."

I turned towards him and slid down the door. I covered my face with my hands.

"Parker, You need to listen, please." He pleaded with me.

I nodded.

"I am scared right now. You keep thinking about how you wished you weren't saved, you are shutting everyone out, including me. I need you to understand that no one is mad at you. You can't make yourself go past the twins room and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Even when I take the twins downstairs you stay in their room or in our room. You are barely eating again and I can tell you have already lost weight since waking up. You aren't sleeping. You haven't showered since I showered with you 4 days ago. You keep sneaking off at night and taking the monitor with you so I don't wake up. You sleep on the floor of their room. That's not okay. You need to sleep in your own bed, you need some space. I can feel the resentment starting when it's time to feed them, probably because even when you try you are having to give them formula too. You aren't producing enough because you are not eating enough, or sleeping enough. I am telling you right now you either start talking to me or I am calling Tara and she will take you into her inpatient program. I refuse to find you having tried to commit suicide again."