Tonight Only {Cliff Burton}

Words

Eventually, Cliff broke the silence.

"Sarah, honey?" he asked, stroking my blonde hair.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Look, I don't really want to ask you this, but I'll never get to unless I ask you now.".

"Go ahead.".

"Alright," Cliff sighed. "You think you'll ever be with anyone else in the band.". 

I looked up into his eyes, a bit surprised by his question. "Why?" I asked.

"Because," he replied. "I just wanna know what might happen to you.".

I sighed. "I… I don't know. Definitely not Lars. I have no interest whatsoever in him romantically.".

"Okay… what about James?".

"No." I sighed. I didn't speak for a moment, considering my feelings towards James, which were a bit of a complicated thing. "You see, I like James. But he's a terrible alcoholic  and I hate that about him.".

Cliff got up and turned off the light. "Yeah, I know.".

"I think he could be a good man, but he just... he needs to get his drinking under control first." I sighed. "He's a really bad alcoholic.".

"There's a reason for that." Cliff told me, laying back down beside me.

"Oh?" I asked.

"His parents have never been supportive of him being in the band. It really bothers him, because, well, it's his passion and I don't think he'd ever do anything else with his life. But his parents think he's a disappointment, and I know it really gets to him.".

"Oh." I said quietly. Hearing that made me feel quite guilty. You see, I really don't like alcoholics. My mom used to be one when I was a teenager, and she put me through hell. 

So, I had been a bitch to James because I hate alcoholism. But I never knew the reason he was an alcoholic. I felt so bad for him. I shouldn't have been so nasty to him; he didn't deserve it.

"Sarah?" Cliff asked me, putting his arms around me and pulling me close.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Don't let anything happen to James. I won't be around to make sure he's okay anymore, so I need you and the guys to make sure he's okay.".

"I don't think he even likes me. I've been a bitch to him, you know that. He won't listen to me.".

"He does like you, Sarah. You know, I think you hurt him, and he might even be a little intimidated by you. But he does like you.".

James, intimidated by me? I was shocked; I just couldn't imagine someone like him being intimidated by someone like me. "Really?" I asked in disbelief, trying to process that information.

"Yeah. He had a crush on you when he first met you." Cliff told me, saying it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Seriously?!".

"Yeah. He thinks of you as a friend, now, though. At least, I think he does.".

"So he doesn't hate me?".

"No, of course he doesn't.".

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't hate him, either." I admitted. "I just wish he wasn't a bad alcoholic.".

"I know. Me too.".

I sighed and rested my forehead against Cliff's chin. The feeling of his bare skin on mine was one of my favorite feelings in the entire world.

"Oh, yeah, one more question." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"What about Kirk? You interested in him?".

"Uh, well, he's the only one I'd consider getting with. But, two things. You see, in the band, I've always been closest to you, obviously, and him. And we've grown closer since you died. He calls me a lot and sometimes invites me on outings with the band. He checks up on me.".

"Oh, that's really nice. I'm really happy to hear that.".

"Yeah, he's such an awesome guy. He's kind of like a brother to me.".

"And what's the second reason you wouldn't consider him?".

"Oh," I sighed. I bit the inside of my lip and took a breath in. "Well, Kirk bangs so many girls. I think he just likes to fuck 'em and run. I don't think he wants a relationship. And if he does, he'll want a girl way prettier than me.".

Cliff laughed. "Sarah" he said. "You're gorgeous. I don't see why any man wouldn't want you.".

"Because he's gay." I replied, and we both laughed.

"Okay, okay, any straight man. You're beautiful, you have an amazing voice, you're a kickass bass player, and you're a great person.".

"Oh, Cliff. I love you.". I sighed and buried my face into his chest. "Maybe I don't want anyone else. If I can't have you, I don't want anyone. There's no one better than you.".

He played with my hair, gently running his fingers through it. "No one?".

"No one.".

"Aww, babe.".

"We don't have much time, do we?" I asked sleepily. 

"I don't think so, love. But I don't really wanna know." he replied. He kissed my forehead and held me tight. 

"I don't wanna know either. I love you".

"I love you, too. Hey, uh, I know the band is looking for a replacement for me, and I know they asked you, and I know you said no. Why?".

I sighed and looked up at him, tears forming in my eyes. "I don't wanna replace you, because you're simply irreplaceable.".

"But I think you'd fit in perfectly with the band." he told me, stroking the side of my face. 

"But I'm not as good as you. Nobody is.".

"But you're still fucking awesome. I want you to replace me.".

"Really?".

"Yes.". He leaned in and kissed me. "I wouldn't want anyone else to replace me.".

I was honored. Cliff was my bass idol, my love, fuck, he was my everything. And he wanted me to take his place. I'd feel bad though, taking his place, because I knew I wasn't as good as him, and I'd probably never be.

"I'll talk to Kirk about it sometime, if his offer still stands." I sighed.

"I know he'll let you join. It would make me so happy to know that you took my place." Cliff said. He kissed my forehead. "You tired?".

"Yeah.".

"Want me to let you sleep?".

"I want you to talk me to sleep.". 

He laughed. "Okay, I can do that.". I looked up at him and he leaned in and kissed me. "What do you want me to talk about, Sarah?" he asked.

"Cliff, I don't care. I just want to hear your voice because I'll never get to hear it again." I said, a tear escaping my eye.

"Okay, then I'll talk about how beautiful you are. I remember the first night I saw you in the crowd, thinking that you were the prettiest woman I've ever seen. Then you snuck backstage and talked to me, and I fell totally in love with you. It wasn't just the way you smiled, or the way you played with your gorgeous blonde hair when you talked to me, or the way your shorts showed off almost all of your legs. It was all of you. And when I wrote my phone number on your boob after we fucked, wondering if you'd call me, now that was fun…".