Tonight Only {Cliff Burton}

Woke Up Cold and Alone

When I opened my eyes the next morning, it was still dark in the room. I was cold, so I pulled the blankets up over my nose.

I realized that Cliff wasn't next to me, so I sat up, dropping the covers.

"Oh, no..." I whispered, reality smacking me in the face. "Oh, No, CLIFF!" I sobbed, a series of sobs following after, filling the room. I missed him so much, and the night before had been so good. All of the time I had ever spent with him had been good, or at least 95% of it. But it was over so fast. He was gone way too soon.

I felt the empty sheets beside me, where Cliff had been last night. He'd just completely vanished. And it wasn't any less hard this time than it was the first time he died, even though this time, I knew it was coming.

I just laid in bed, crying for a while, hugging myself. It seemed to get even colder when I realized that I was all alone.

I knew I couldn't stay in bed forever, so after a while, I got up and threw on my clothes from the day before.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked terrible. My makeup was smudged and running down my cheeks, and my hair needed to be brushed.

I went into the bathroom and found a brush in the drawer. I didn't know whose it was or how long it had been in there, but I used it anyway. And I washed the smudged makeup off of my face.

I still looked tired, and my eyes were all red and puffy from crying. I had no makeup except for just a bit of smudged mascara right under my eyes, and it kind of looked like I'd slept in an alley.

I went out of the room, leaving the door wide open, and down the long hallway.

"Good morning, honey." A slimy old man said to me as I walked past him, checking me out.

"Shut the fuck up." I mumbled.

I flipped him off and kept walking, hoping no other strangers would talk to me because I wasn't in the mood.

I went down the staircase to the lobby, where I saw Kirk, sitting alone and looking down at the floor with a bottle of water in his hand.

I sat down beside him on the leather bench.

"Oh, hi." he said to me glumly.

"Morning." I replied, realizing how bad I sounded. I felt like I was going to cry, and I wanted to go home. "Need help loading up the van?" I asked, thinking that loading up all of the equipment might mean we get to leave sooner.

Kirk turned and looked at me, and I noticed how red his eyes were. I assumed it was from crying. "I already did." he told me.

"Oh. Can we go, then?".

"No, we have to wait for Lars and James. They're not awake yet.".

"Oh.".

The two of us just sat in silence. We had nothing to talk about, really. There wasn't much to be said about Cliff because he was gone, and that was that. And I knew that it really wasn't the right time to ask Kirk about joining the band.

So I just sat there with him, in my own world, wondering how I'd ever survive without Cliff.

Eventually, Lars and James came down the stairs. James looked terrible. He was very hungover, and it showed. And he looked really sleep- deprived. Seeing him like that actually made me feel even worse for him, and made me feel worse about how much of a bitch I'd been to him.

I felt like apologizing to him right then and there, but I didn't, because I felt like the night before was emotional enough. And the mood just wasn't right for it, either.

No one said a word as we walked across the parking lot to the van. We all just looked down at the pavement. If you would've seen us that morning walking out of the hotel, you would've known something tragic happened.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sit in the back this time." Lars said, opening the door for me to get in.

"Shut up." I replied, getting into the back of the van and doing up my seatbelt.

"Sorry.".

"It's okay." I sighed, looking out the window.

It was like a dark, gray, storm cloud hung over us. The only sound while we were driving was the radio playing quietly.

We dropped Lars off first, since he lived the closest. Then we hit my house.

"Need help carrying your bass and amp?" Kirk asked me.

"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind." I replied.

"Sure.".

We both got out of the van and walked around to the back. He opened the door and took out my amp, and I took out my bass. It was hard to think of it as mine, because Cliff still should've been playing it.

We carried it up to my front door and I set my bass down against the wall while I took my key out.

"Hey, if you ever need anything, I'm here." Kirk told me.

"Okay, thank you, Kirk." I smiled, blinking back tears.

He nodded. "This is really tough, but we can get through it together.".

"Yeah, we can.".

Kirk put his arms around me and hugged me, and I hugged him back. It was a nice feeling to know he cared about me.

While his arms were still around me, I caught sight of James sitting in the passenger seat of the van, looking at me. We made eye contact and he looked away. I felt so awful about being such a bitch to him.

"Bye, Sarah, take care of yourself." he said as he let go of me.

"Bye, Kirk. See you later." I replied as he headed down the walkway. I was crying by now.

I brought my bass and my amp into my bedroom and plugged it in. I sat on my bedroom floor for a moment, wondering what to play.

"This is for you, Cliff." I said. I started to play Anesthesia-- (Pulling Teeth). If Cliff -the love of my life and my bass teacher- heard me playing, I hope I made him proud.