REMEMBER ME (BUCKY BARNES & NATASHA ROMANOFF)

7. RECOGNITION

Bucky and Nat were allowed to stay in Wakanda while Shuri worked on undoing your brainwashing. Nat, because as Wanda had said, you remembered her and Shuri thought that it might be good for you if a familiar face was around. Bucky, because he had been through this before. He might be able to offer you some kind words, proof that it gets better.

Though, if Bucky dared to be honest, part of him hoped that maybe you would remember him. That Shuri's work would uncover your memories. But that also...No, it wasn't a good option. Because if you remembered him, you would remember what he had done. And it had pained you enough to live through. He didn't want you to feel that pain all over again.

He would find out soon enough, though. If you would remember him or not. Because Shuri had already dismantled his brainwashing, the technology only needed a few adjustments. After a few months of work, Shuri was positive that you had been deprogrammed. Bucky and Nat were to visit your hut—the very same one that Bucky once lived in—and ensure that your trigger words no longer worked.

"Are you ready?" Bucky asked.

Nat looked over at him, glancing at him up and down. "I should be asking you the same. Are you sure you want to be here?"

"I know that...I know she probably won't remember me. But, I can't in good faith leave her in a vulnerable state." He looked at your hut as they walked closer, then back to Nat. "I need to make sure she's okay. And then...I'll leave her be."

"What if she remembers you?"

Bucky stopped in his tracks, and so did Nat. He'd thought about, dreamed about, you remembering him. You looking at him with the same lovestruck gaze you once gave him. How you would laugh and smile, how you would tell him that you love him. But every dream was shattered when that loving gaze turned into one of horror. How you would scream at him, begging him to not let them take you, how he was making a mistake, if he would just listen to you, give you a chance to explain, if he would tell you what the hell was happening—

"Then I know she won't want anything to do with me. But we don't need to worry about that. In all of the times that we've come here, she barely spares me a passing glance. Wanda was right. You're the only one she remembers."

"Of all the times I've come here, you only came five. And all but one of them, you stayed outside. You won't even give her the opportunity to remember." Nat let out a sigh, and said, "You need to stop taking her choices away from her. I know you think you're doing right by her, but you're pushing her away all the same. Give her the chance to tell you to fuck off. At least then you'll know she didn't want you in her life anymore."

Bucky knew Nat was right. He just didn't want to admit it. So, he said, "I'll wait here while you see if her trigger words don't work anymore."

"Oh, no. My Russian is rusty." They both knew she was lying. She was still torturing him, making him pay for what he did. He was the cause of all of this, and he would have to be the one to make sure it was all undone. "You'll be saying them."

"No."

He refused to do this. He couldn't do this. What if they worked? What if he sent you on a rampage? He couldn't live with himself if he did that. But, even worse, what if they worked? What if they worked and you still didn't know him? Or what if you did? If the words worked...your fate with him was sealed. Either you would know him, or you would not, and Bucky still didn't know what was better for him.

"What, you don't like your choices being taken from you?"

"I can't do this."

"A shame. Doesn't quite compare to the betrayal of a loved one but...I'm sure you'll manage."