Life is hard [2022 journal and vents]

*sigh*

I've been put in yet again another difficult-ish situation and I don't know how to explain the frustration I have...like I want a relationship between me and someone..but I'm missing things that I'd really really really really really..want to have but I don't want to lose them or make them feel unloved or unwanted because of our...different interests...I don't know if it's selfish of me to want at least some of the things I like and I'm being a bad person or is it normal to have my own set of wants...I don't know what to do or say without sounding hurtful but the situation is making me feel....needy?....saddened?... not myself entirely?...I've been trying to suppress sides of me for them and it's having..."quite the dramatic impact on my dreams "...I don't know what this emotion is called but I'm not liking it much...I want more...mutuality?...ughh explaining things is hardddddd