Three Minutes With God

I had a brilliant opportunity to have a one-on-one with God. He showed up at the studio rather unceremoniously in an Uber driven by a guy named Chet. He stepped out of the Ford Festiva wearing something similar to a linen sarong, a pair of jeans, and barefoot. I'm often asked what else he looked like, and I just don't know. It was everything, and nothing. And I say 'it' because there wasn't really a gender, race, creed, or anything. But I could definitely tell God was a baller.

Derek: "Welcome, um, what shall we call you?"

God: There are some, who call me... Tim. Just kidding, that's a silly name. Jehovah, God, Dad, Dadeo, Dude, Mr. Magnifico... I'm not really hung up on a 'nom de plume', if you will. Everyone has a name for me, and I always listen.

Derek: Fair enough, so welcome to the show and thank you for taking the time out of a universal schedule to share your thoughts.

He gave a delicate nod and I instantly felt like I was on my patio sharing a beer with my best friend.

Derek: So, let's come out of the gate with both guns blaring; which religion is right?

God: First of all, guns. Fun to shoot, and sometimes good for protection, but let's stop romanticizing them. As for religion. 

He let out a long sigh and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back up.

God: It may surprise you to know that they are all correct... and, they're all wrong. Everyone has the general premise of 'thou shall not kill', that's a good one for sure, and other pieces are quite necessary. What perplexes me more are the pieces they got wrong, or just added for funsies.

Derek: Um, for funsies?

God: Yea, there were many verses in all religion that had direct meaning, or indirect...

Derek: Direct like the bush?

God: Yeah, that didn't happen. Well it was bush. We just sat on a rock next to the bush and talked, but 'someone' has a flare for the dramatic and I just let it go. In the big picture it works, so I have to give him props. I mean there was some basic rules...

Derek: The commandments.

God: Yes, Dribble.

Derek: Uhh, only my mom called me that.

God: I know. So yes, the time spent near the bush was pretty direct to get the key messaging down. But there are many other messages with dialectic pieces needing broad context because they can be esoteric, and thus need a foundation for the meaning to be consistent through the millennia. 

Noticing my blank stare, he paused, settled back in his chair and continued. 

God: Sorry, I get a little too philosophical at times. We couldn't just be direct like the commandments throughout. For one thing, it would be the most boring read, but also to truly create meaning for a person it needs to be visceral. Stories convey emotion, and emotion drives faith.

Derek: So, the words are contextually correct and need to be addressed as written?

God: Oh my, not at all. Not even close. They were written for the world at that time to be a clear representation of my wishes and then the message was to be carried forward, not the verbatim words; the emotion. Because, really, a rose is a rose by any other name, except when you call it ginkgo. Still regret that one.

Derek: So all of the scriptures are not correct?

God: They are correct, to an extent. The drawback of free choice is, well, freedom. Some were taken so completely literal, like Leviticus-literal, while others were diluted to suit a particular need of smaller minds. I put a l lot of reliance on faith for interpretation, and failed to account for broad manipulation.

Derek: You failed?!

God: Of course. I'm omnipotent, not perfect. And so are each of us. The 'everyone in my image' imbues the good, and the not so perfect. I gave everyone the capacity to strive for perfection, and the choice to get there.

Derek: So when you say 'Leviticus-literal', you mean...

God: Love. It's both as simple as it is complex. I made it to be the intrinsic to the meaning of our existence, and when it swayed, I sent some people to realign, but we know how that has gone. A complete misinterpretation to bolster small-minded...

Derek: People like...

God: People. Things. Thoughts. Wishes. I sent messages in many forms for those that can listen, and to help others to hear. But again, 'choice' is a cruel mistress, so you say.

Derek: So, pulling on that thread. What are your thoughts on the world following repeated trends of atrocity, like the murder of George Floyd?

I don't know if this will properly convey the palpable feeling, but the room went cold. Not a cold like a brisk winter day, or the cold of walking from the heat of an Alabama sun into an air-conditioned McDonalds, not even the cold stare of a scorned lover. A cold, like happiness gave up, walked out of the room, and would never come back. The voice that came out next was hollow, with the sound of a stale wind echoing through the husk of a desiccated tree. 

God: I thought making us unique would create interest, excitement, newness, challenges, and adventure that no matter how mundane the world became, our differences would be excitement and fruit to grow. And I guess in some part it did, just not always in the direction I aspired.

A tear fell to the floor. I struggled to catch my breath and was able to murmur

Derek: What would you change?

God: Nothing. The change is not for me to decide, but for you. I gave you everything I could imagine, and the choice to make the changes to ascend beyond my imagination. You own your destiny.

There was a thoughtful smile. The world both stopped and sped forward at infinite speed as we sat in the silence, when the room warmed and for a moment I sensed... serenity. It was like a hug and told me we were done.

Derek: Thank you so much.... um, any ending thoughts?

God: Hmm. Be good to dogs. They were a lot of work to get just right. And I guess cats too; they were the first a draft.