Genderfluid (A Cinderella Story)

14: The Virus

I was out with Silver for lunch, something we hadn't done in a long time. The others wanted to accompany us, but he insisted we go alone. It made me nervous, but I shoved those feelings down. Why would I be nervous spending an hour with him? He was my best friend.

We went to a diner this time, sitting down in the back in a big booth. I ordered a strawberry milkshake and a hamburger deluxe. He had the same, but a vanilla shake in place of my strawberry one. There was a period of awkward silence, his eyes on my arms which had been crossed over each other on the table top.

I shifted them to under the table.

"So why the diner?" I asked lightly, feeling a false smile curl onto my lips. "It's kind of... empty here." He chuckled.

"Why don't we start with something else?" He asked me, eyeing my sleeves. "It's a bit hot in here, don't you think? June... Summer, and you have a jacket on?" My stomach practically flipped. "Why don't you take it off for a bit?" The tone of his voice was challenging me, and so were his eyes.

Did he know what was under these sleeves?

"You're right," I laughed. "It is hot." Carefully, I pulled the jacket off and left my arms under the table. He looked less hostile after that, almost relaxed. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes dancing around my exposed skin and stopping at my shoulder. Silver pointed.

"Where'd you get that?" I glanced down, noticing a thin, scabbed over, scratch.

"Oh, that!" I said, rolling my eyes. "I scratched myself on accident the other day. It's no big deal."

"Scratched yourself?" He asked smoothly, "How'd you manage--"

"Here you are, guys." The waitress placed our plates of food in front of us, dropped two straws to the table, then placed our milkshakes. "Just let me know if you need anything else!" She smiled, "Enjoy."

"Thank you," I mumbled, picking up the ketchup and pouring some onto my plate. I slid my jacket back on and took my shake, reaching next to Silver's plate for a straw. He grabbed my hand.

"You didn't answer my question, you know," He said quietly, lacing our fingers together. "It's almost as if..." His other hand darted out and shoved my sleeve up; I tried to pull back, but his grip was too strong. "You had something to hide--" He turned my arm inward, a terrified look coming over him.

The cuts on my arm, thick and scabbed over, were dark in comparison to my light skin tone. They curved in some places, got deeper in others, and some, though shallow, were jagged cut and rough.

"Let go of me!" I hissed, snatching my hand from his now weak grip. He looked at me with a combination of emotions, but the one that stood out most was despair.

"Wait..." He said as I stood up and threw the money for my food on the table, "Ellie, wait!" I had grabbed everything and brought it to the front to be wrapped. I just wanted to leave, but I still wanted my lunch. "Ellie please, just--"

"No," I growled, snatching my bag of food of the counter, along with my shake and leaving.

"Why did you do it?" He called to me, "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I called back, looking both ways before starting to cross the street.

"Ellie, that's really dangerous! Please listen to me!"

"Oh, what do you know?" I shouted, turning around in the street and stopping. "It's not like you've had a single damned problem to do it to anyway!" I turned around again, tears beginning to burn my eyes and stepped forward, only to be pulled back by a grip as strong a steel. "Hey..." I said loudly, "Silver let go!" He dragged me back to the sidewalk and began pulling me down the street. "SILVER!"

My struggles died after a few minutes, when we came to the public park. The scenery was nice, though there wasn't much nature around; only a few trees and shrubs about. Silver tugged me lightly to snap me back into focus and sat us on a bench under a tree. He took a deep breath and turned to me, pulling his sleeves up and holding his arms out to me.

When I looked down I saw four scars, two down each arm. One of them, the deepest of the four, was jagged around its edges resembling one of my most recent cuts.

"Ellie, please, listen to the words I'm going to say."

"Silver... when..?"

"Cutting, self harm... I've done it. I've done it all." He dropped his arms and grabbed my hands with his. "I've burned, I've punched shards of glass, I've torn my skin apart... It doesn't help, Ellie. It just makes everything worse." Silver's hands clutched mine like if he let go, he'd be transported back through time to when he'd committed those acts. "That high you get with the cutting, it fades almost immediately after. The pain stays and the feeling you wanted is gone! Then after that you're left with the marks, marks you have to hide so others don't see them and panic. Marks that scar over and ruin your beautiful skin..."

"Silver...."

"Promise me, Ellie," He said, "Promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore. Please... I can't see you go down that road. I know what happens when you reach the end of it and I can't... I won't lose you. I wouldn't be able to take it."

~ ~ ~ ~

When we got back to school, I couldn't focus on any of my class work. My heart was still thudding anxiously against my rib cage, his broken words echoing in my head. "I wouldn't be able to take it..."

What do I do now?