I Hate Myself For Loving You

Chapter 1

The boy had a cigarette lodged between his lips, blowing smoke into the air, watching it curl around him, enclosing him in a smoky haze.

"You're gonna kill yourself, ya know that?" Tommy's voice chimed in the distance, knocking Johnny out of his trance like a swift punch to the gut.

As an instinct, Johnny leaped into his fighting stance, but soon relaxed when he saw Tommy and grumbled out, "Jesus Tommy, you can't just sneak up on people like that!"

Tommy's eyes flashed with humor as he tugged on Johnny's long golden locks while saying, "Woah there, Ponyboy. Someone's got their knickers in a twist. Still pissed that LaRusso doused you with the water hose, huh?"

Johnny flinched at the mention of Daniel's name, feeling the same hot sensation build up in the pit of his stomach, but he quickly pushed the feeling away as a disparaging sneer fell upon his face. "That asshole is going to pay for that little stunt of his."

Johnny still remembered Daniel's dark eyes that looked like pools of chocolate with flecks of golden honey, staring into his China blue ones, causing his heart to palpitate. He saw the curve of Daniel's soft petal lips turn into a mischievous smirk, whipping out a hose and drenching Johnny in water. Daniel spun on his heels and was gone before Johnny had the chance to process what happened.

"That little shit!" Johnny yelped out, feeling any affection he had for the boy slip through the cracks of the pavement like the water that trickled from the hose.

Johnny winced, returning to reality, and huffed, crossing his arms, trying to forget about Daniel and the hose incident. "LaRusso has another thing coming if he thinks he can get away with what he did. I refuse to have that twerp think he's superior just because he thought it would be a hoot to use a water hose instead of his fist."

Tommy shook his head while saying, "You're both hotheaded, dumb fools. What's it gonna be next? You gonna give him another black eye? That'll really show him, Johnny." Tommy's words were laced with sarcasm as he watched Johnny's eyes harden in annoyance.

What Johnny really wanted to do was press his lips up against Daniel's pink ones, knowing they'd probably taste like licorice and watermelon Bubblicious gum. He reveled in the thought of pushing Daniel's smaller frame up against a wooden clapboard and pressing feather-like kisses against his neck as he wrapped his arms around the waist of the smaller boy.

"Uh, Johnny? You okay, man? Your eyes are all glazed over." Johnny didn't hear Tommy until Tommy struck his back with his hand, "Earth to Johnny." Tommy shouted as he gave Johnny a shove with a grin.

Johnny glared at Tommy while snarling, "What the hell is your problem, man? First, you nearly kill me by making me choke on my cigarette and now you're slapping the shit out of me. If you want me to be your canvas that you can beat up, then go ahead!"

Tommy widened his eyes in shock before glowering and bitterly spat out, "I don't know what the hell your problem is. You're being a real prick. You're acting as if I pissed in your cheerios or somethin.' I sure as hell wasn't the one to douse you with that blasted hose."

Johnny watched Tommy turn and walk away, leaving Johnny standing alone on the beach. He sighed, putting his head into the palm of his hands, knowing he was too harsh with Tommy. It irked him that Tommy could tell he was becoming a disheveled mess. He couldn't imagine the scorn and possible tongue-lashing he'd receive if they ever found out his fantasies he had about LaRusso. That's why it was easier to hide in the shadows with his crown of lies and hate him. He hated LaRusso for confusing his heart, but most of all he hated himself for loving someone he could never have. He shuddered at the thought of Daniel's face if he'd ever figure out the warped thing Johnny had for him and he couldn't bear the damage that would cause his heart, so instead, he was selfish and physically hurt Daniel because if he had to face the truth about how he felt he may as well already order a coffin, buy a black suit and bury himself alive. He laughed dolorously thinking about a funeral for himself, knowing his stepfather Sid would probably keel over in joy, but the last thing Johnny wanted was to share a damn funeral with that bastard.

How can someone have that much money and still be a bitter asshole? Wasn't money suppose to buy happiness? Or was that some stupid bullshit myth that everyone bought into. No matter the amount of money Sid could ever get his dirty, pudgy hands on he'd always be breathing down the back of Johnny's neck, telling him just how much of a mistake he is. If it wasn't his stepfather, it was Sensei Kreese tormenting and poisoning his mind with doubts and false hope. He yearned for someone, anyone to tell him how proud they are of him and reach out with their tender hands and pull him into a hug, rather than being held in a chokehold or being beaten to a pulp, but alas his life wasn't some fairytale in a world full of cotton candy, it was instead a hellish nightmare, trying to escape the haunted graveyard he felt he lived in.

He soon melted into the daydream of how it would feel to be in Daniel's arms. Thinking about being in Daniel's  arms made Johnny feel safe, knowing Daniel would leave small kisses from his forehead down to his cheeks. At least that's what he witnessed when he was spying on Ali and Daniel a few nights ago. Not his best moment, but he was mystified by Daniel, watching him be so gentle with Ali and that made his stomach churn, hating her for being in his spot. He just wanted to throw the strawberry lemonade that Ali was drinking right into her stupid face and grab Daniel and run. He was submerged in anger, wondering what it would take for Daniel to finally notice him. He supposes that beating LaRusso up isn't the best way to get noticed, but what else was he suppose to do? Show up at LaRusso's house with flowers and serenade him with 'I Can't Fight This Feeling' by REO Speedwagon?

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Authors note: hello, hello! This is my first fanfic in years... since 2017, actually, but I couldn't resist writing a fanfic for these two because LawRusso makes me so happy.