I Hate Myself For Loving You

Chapter 2

'We're Not Gonna Take It' by The Twisted Sister crackled loudly through the speakers as Johnny struck the punching bag that was dangling in front of him, almost as if the bag was taunting him. He could hear Kreese's voice in his head saying, "Hit the damn bag, Lawrence. You're not a weakling, are you?"

The sweat seeped into Johnny's back as his fist connected with the bag. Hearing the satisfactory thwap his fist made against the bag was just the therapy Johnny needed to get his mind straight. He got into his stance and spun around, trying to connect his foot with the bag, but instead landed with a thud on the ground with a groan. He cursed under his breath and stood up, getting into his stance again, but was met with his mother standing in front of him with a distressed frown upon her face.

"Johnny, can't you turn this racket down?" She sighed in disapproval, stress lines pressed permanently into her forehead. "You know what Sid thinks of this nonsense!"

"It's not nonsense." Johnny spat out with a twinge of exasperation. "I don't understand why we have to accustom ourselves to what he wants. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a happy family. He can eat shit if he thinks he can be my father."

"Johnny, language!" His mother shouted, rubbing her forehead and sighing, "Look, all I'm asking is if you could put something else on, please. Perhaps something more mellow like Chicago?" His mother pleaded in an aggravated tone.

"Chicago? Isn't Chicago a city in Illinois?" Johnny said in confusion while crinkling his nose.

"Seriously, Johnny?" His mother said in disbelief before smiling weakly at him. "Just try harder, okay? I know this isn't easy, but do it for me." She kissed the top of his head and exited his room, leaving Johnny alone again.

"Just try harder, okay?" Johnny muttered mockingly under his breath in anger. "All I'm told is to try harder, when will I ever be enough?"

He felt as if he was suffocating in his anguish and that was almost worse than his sensei's hands around his neck that occurred on a normal basis. The same dread washed over him as the sickening feeling plummeted to the pit of his stomach. He returned to the punching bag and gave it a good punch, feeling the hot pain surge through his arms, leaving his muscles sore. He put his weight against the bag and rested his weary arms as Tommy and Bobby walked into his room.

"What the hell, man? The party on the beach started almost two hours ago and you're holed up here in your room." Bobby said as he raised his eyebrow, cocking his head at Johnny.

"Mmm, don't feel like going," Johnny mumbled as he fixed his gaze back on the punching bag, giving it another thwack.

"Don't feel like going? Are you sick, Lawrence?" Bobby said as Tommy reached forward to press a hand against Johnny's forehead while making a tutting noise with his tongue.

"Oh, bug off you two, will ya?" Johnny snarled lightly as he swatted Tommy's hand away from him, giving it a hard squeeze, causing Tommy to let out a yelp.

"Jeez, Johnny! You outta watch your grip there. Wouldn't want you to break my hand before the tournament." Tommy said with a scowl upon his face as he nursed his sore hand.

"Let's go, Johnny," Bobby said as he threw Johnny's letterman jacket at him. "You need to loosen up. You've been wound tighter than a telephone wire for the last few days and it's really startin' to get on our nerves."

Both Tommy and Bobby shoved Johnny out the door in a fluid motion as Johnny opened his mouth to speak, "If I've been getting on your nerves so much the last few days, then why didn't you go to the damn party without me?"

Bobby sighed, making eye contact with Tommy before turning to Johnny and then said, "Because we care about you, idiot. You've always been a hothead, but lately, you've become even more of a cannon that's about ready to explode at any moment. We're just looking out for you."

Johnny softened slightly as a small smile fell upon his lips as he said, "Thanks, guys. I've just, I've had a lot on my mind lately."

"Oh, trust me we know!" Tommy and Bobby said in unison as they let out a raucous laugh, bumping their shoulders against Johnny's.

They reached the party, hearing the loud chatter of people and the smell of cheap booze wafting through the air, mixed with the stale smoke of cigarettes. Johnny reached in his pocket for a cigarette and lit it, putting it between his lips as he followed Bobby and Tommy. He blew the smoke right into Bobby's and Tommy's faces, causing them to have a coughing fit, resulting in a smirk from Johnny. The smirk slipped right off his face when he saw Daniel in the distance laughing like a little kid. He slipped through the shadows, leaving Bobby and Tommy to fend for themselves as he began watching Daniel. His stomach somersaulted as the halo of the moon shone brightly against Daniel's dark hair. What he would do to reach out and run his fingers through his hair, knowing it smells like green apples. Daniel made eye contact with Johnny and the electricity shot through him like a bolt of lightning. Neither boy could take their eyes off one another and it became almost a showdown, seeing which one would look away first, but Johnny was frozen in his spot.

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Author's note: I hope you enjoy this next part of the story! I apologize, but this story will be a bit of a slow burner... but I can assure you there will be LawRusso interaction in the next chapter!