New Girl - Ondreaz Lopez

46

-Maddy's P.O.V-

"This looks to be healing up quite nicely Madeline, I think we should be able to get this cast off today and switch into a brace. And then come next visit you could potentially get out of here without anything given you've taken care of yourself and not strained anything"

My doctor finished examining my right leg and prepped me for a cast removal. It was a pretty bad break, the femur is a nasty one. It wasn't too bad but it was enough. I spent the first 3 weeks of my recovery in a wheel chair, and have been on crutches for the last 2 weeks. It's been 2 months since the accident, and it's been really hard. I spent the first 2 weeks in the hospital in the ICU, I lost the baby, they actually had to do an emergency c section to remove her because I had a lot of internal bleeding. She wasn't getting any oxygen, and when they got me to the hospital, they couldn't find a heartbeat. My baby was pronounced dead on the scene. I went a few weeks with a pretty bad concussion, and a collapsed lung. I have scars on my face from the glass. I couldn't hear out of my left ear for a week and I had 2 black eyes. My wrists were sprained and I broke 2 fingers. I had a couple broken ribs too. I've been healing slowly, I really just have this broken leg to deal with now. My body's been in recovery for so long my brain hasn't had a chance to process anything properly. Getting my cast off has been the first good thing to happen since then. I finally feel like a person and not a bag of bones.

Ondre took this harder than I could have ever expected. He stayed with me in the ICU for the first week, the Addison stayed with me and he brought me home. He's trying to be there for me, but I can tell that losing our baby has hurt him in a way I didn't know possible. He stopped coming to my appointments. Addison took me to my first few, then surprisingly Noah offered to take me when she couldn't.

It's sad really, I don't know how to be there for Ondre when I haven't even processed things myself. He's been pretty dependant on having a fully stocked liquor cabinet. He falls asleep on the couch most nights. Granted we both slept on the couches for the longest time because I couldn't get up the stairs. But once I got my crutches I made it a point to get myself up to my bed. We haven't slept in the same bed since before the accident.

I still can't drive and I don't have a car anymore, so I've been depending on others. I hate it. All I want is my independence back. It's been really weird around here, Tony stopped making content, Addison moved in with Bryce which is why I find myself spending more time at the sway house, which explains my growing friendship with Noah. He's been so nice. And I feel bad for spending time here and not at home with my boyfriend. But he's never sober and I can't talk to him. He looks at me like I killed our baby. Which I did I guess. If I had just let him go get Addison then maybe we would still have her. But then again maybe Ondre would be dead. I can't think about what could have been. It makes everything so dark.

We had to return all the baby stuff, it was too hard to see everyday knowing I'll probably never get to have one. There were a lot of complications during my recovery, including the tying of my tubes. They said they weren't salvageable. That she was twisted up and once everything was said and done, there was too much scar tissue to recover anything. But they said maybe some day I can reevaluate but the chances of me every having a baby are very slim. Which isn't even a concern if mine anyways because Ondre and I haven't had sex in months.

I got set up with my new brace, it looks so weird, I guess I haven't actually seen my leg in a couple months. It's so skinny and pale. Seeing the scars for the first time made my stomach turn. It shouldn't though I'm covered in them now. The one I hate most being the one on my stomach. I already felt insecure about my body and now I'm covered in reasons to hate myself even more.

I got back on my crutches, my doctor gave me a refill prescription for oxcy, not that I used any the first time she gave it to me. I just pick it up from the pharmacy and flush it. It's not that I don't trust Ondre it's just that I know he's going through something, and as somebody who knows what addiction looks like first hand, I don't want anything in the house that can hurt him. I had a friend go through that in high school and it didn't end well. I know I should try to help him but I know I'm not the one that can dig him out of this. Especially in my state. I have to chose my battles wisely right now.

"Heyy look at that a new leg! Everything all good?" Noah asked me standing up from his seat in the waiting room.

"All good" I half smiled.

He took the prescription from my hand and took me to the pharmacy to pick it up. He even went in for me and grabbed it too, see he's just so nice. I've been so lucky to have good friends like he and Addison. He drove me back to my house and got out to open my door and get my crutches. I just sat there, not wanting to go in and welcome the state of my life.

"Is he still drinking?" Noah asked leaning on the open car door in front of me. I nodded. "You know you don't have to go in there"

"What kind of girlfriend would I be if I avoided my so obviously distressed boyfriend" I sighed getting up.

"He's showing his true colours Maddy, maybe it's time you opened your eyes"