Beyoncé
Nick and I sit in the counselor's office. Since India and Zahir were born and Shawn came back into the picture for the legal aspect, we've sort of had to rebuild the relationship from the ground up. The truth is, I cheated on him. Was he abusive, yes? But I should've let Nicki know at some point even if I risked losing her.
For a second in our relationship we almost split up because she felt so deceived. She lived with Ariana and we passed the kids back and forth. Imagine passing around 3 kids, 2 weeks with eachother. It was a very confusing time and Jazz most of all suffered because she was more conscious and aware than the twins were.
Eventually I went to Nicki and we spoke and agreed in therapy. Not only for our relationship but individually having our own sessions because the abusive shit I dealt with, with Shawn caused a lot of issues for me and I wanted to turn a new leaf and get some help so I wouldn't hurt Nicki further.
Recently, the only issues we have is being bored almost. Usually I have a packed busy schedule so we're used to spending spurts of time together. The kids are older and more independent so we're finding ourselves to be alone with eachother's company for long times.
I play with Nicki's hand while she's having her individual session. She usually breaks down so she wanted me to come in and support her.
She holds me tight and kisses me over and over for comfort as the therapist talks to her. I never see her break down like this, well maybe once.
Her skin is hot and she wipes her tears. She talks about her childhood which Nicki doesnt do often.
I know Nicki got adopted when she was about 4 with her brother. I know she went back to Trinidad in search of her biological family but I never understood how shitty her adoptive parents are/were.
I understand why now Nicki was so insistent on not hitting our kids or yelling at them. On listening to them and actually having a relationship of love and care with each and every one of us. Our kids communicate with us a lot.
I kiss her back as she vents and starts to shake more and more. I take some tissues that the therapist said she could have and wipe her eyes and nose.
"You have a great support system, Nicki." She says. "And I've met your kids, the two of you are doing great."
"Thank you, Dr."
I move her hair away from her face.
I'm so glad my father taught me love and kindness. He never laid a hand on me, even on days when I did cut up. It laid a foundation for me and showed me that you didn't need to box a kid to get them to turn out right.
"Love you baby."
"Me more."
The therapist uses this as a point to just talk Nicki through the rest of her trauma.
________________
We get home and Bey and India are at the door. Jazmine unlocked the door and they all took the bus home.
"Hi girls!"
Nicki hugs them both tightly.
"Wanna sit down?" I kiss Nicki's cheek.
She nods.
"C'mon let's watch a movie together." I say. "Jazz and Zahir are at school again right?"
Jazz has some smart kid club and Zahir is in his school's Coding Club.
Nicki heads to the living room and lays on the couch, the girls bombardino her with accounts of their day.
I get Nicki some water and some snacks ready for all of us. I'll just order in.
"Baby, here."
"Oouuu, mommy!" India reaches out for me and when I sit down, I bring her into my lap.
"Here, I love you."
"Me too."
Nicki is instantly happy when she sees our girls. They have that effect and they get it from her and she doesn't even realize. Every great quality of Nicki's are in these kids' genes.
She starts up a movie and we cuddle and she calms down for the day.
"Come here with mama, Indie."
India happily moves to my other side so she is between me and Nicki.
"Mom sandwich."
We all laugh.
Eventually all of my girls fall asleep together. I kiss all of their foreheads and get up to find a big fluffy heavily blanket that we have in our downstairs closet.
I return and drape it over then, then over myself when I sit back down. Nicki and I did so well and are doing so well with these babies. I hope she never forgets.
"I love you all."
"Love you too." Nicki responds.
I go ahead and go online and order a custom dominoes pizza with extra lava cakes.
_________________
