𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒, Cullen Coven

13

SOMETIMES I WONDER HOW I MANAGED TO PULL MYSELF ALL THE WAY THROUGH SCHOOL WITH HOW MANY DAYS I MISS. Today was one of those days, heading over to Carlisle's office in the hospital he practically runs all on his own. Esme was the one to take me, bless her, because even after all of these years I'm sort of terrified of heading back to the doctor's office, no matter what person is waiting for me there.

"Everything is going to be alright sweetheart. Carlisle knows what he's doing," Esme whispers into my ear as the car stops in front of the small hospital.

There was no doubt in my mind that Carlisle would do his very best to keep me comfortable during the procedure. It's the fact that I have to be like this in the first place. God knows he deserves a mate who isn't a halfway wilted flower in a vase of shining red roses. Compared to Esme, I must be a piece of work.

Carlisle only gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, something he can only do in places where he knows there are no cameras, before reaching for a sterile needle to use to begin the treatment. Out of the corner of my eye I can already see the bag of whatever new chemical mixtures they're using now to treat my incurable disease. It's carefully placed, near nothing that could cut it open. In every way it's being treated like a jewel in a crown, or a pot of gold that will save a family from a famine if need be. Only to be used when needed.

Well, now I need it more than anything.

My experienced mate and I exchanged no words as he got the IV ready for me. His handiwork was precise, and it was clear that he'd been doing this as long as the practice has been around.

I'm used to the needle prodding at my difficult to find veins at this point, though when I was younger I was terribly afraid of them. Needles meant more treatment, and that only reminded me that I would never be able to live a normal life. There may be no cure to this now that I'm human, but once I turn I won't have to deal with the needle anymore, and that gives me just enough hope to live through another one of these procedures.

He was able to catch my vein on the first try, a feat no phlebotomist has been able to do. Well, no human phlebotomist, that is. "Nobody has ever been able to do that before, you know. You must be the best of the best."

"I wouldn't say that, my dear." He was too humble for his own good. "I simply have practice, though your veins do not make my job any easier. Though I love them either way."

"You don't drink human blood, though, so how could you love my veins." He gave me an amused look and started running the fluids. "The blood that runs through my veins could flow through yours, you know, if you ever wanted a taste."

"Wouldn't you miss my eyes, my dear? They would be red instead of gold, and then I would have to wear contacts to cover up my dangerous time with my beautiful mate," he joked. I didn't think he would be so casual about losing his morals around feeding from humans, but looks like I'm the exception to that. "I wouldn't, Fennie, because if I did you would be a vampire a few days after the tryst. Now isn't the right time for you to turn."

"How would you be able to tell when it is the right time for me to turn?" I asked, my curiosity peaking.

His chuckle caught me off guard and I suddenly felt the effects of the treatment kicking in. I couldn't help but feel relaxed as I knew the side effects would come on shortly after. I found peace in whatever could come next. Nausea, fainting, low blood pressure... anything could happen when you're medically fragile and constantly on the brink of death. That's all I know, and that's what I'll be until I become a vampire.

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "When you tell me the pain of my bite is better than the danger of leaving this world."

---

I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN USED TO EDWARD BEING A TEENAGE MESS ABOUT THREE BREAKDOWNS AGO, BUT I'M GULLIBLE. Not that I don't care for him less, in fact it might make me want to be around him more, help hold him together when he has to go into our class with Isabella Swan. She's the sweetest thing I've met in a while and I can't wait to befriend her and have her join the family, but Edward is simply distraught over the fact that he's being reminded that he is, in fact, a vampire and not a cute human boy head over heels for a girl. His mate.

Edward's only means of escaping his dramatic life is to put himself in the shoes of another person who has a chaotic lifestyle. I mean he's been reading and rereading absolutely anything fiction he can get his hand on, including books not from his library. Poor Alice almost lost her copy of Of Mice and Men that was issued to us by the school.

"Do not take my book off of that shelf, Edward," I said as I came into my room. I was slightly drowsy from my treatment and just wanted to read until I fell asleep. "I'm going to read it."

"You should be resting--"

"What I should be doing is reading until I fall asleep on my bed, Edward, and that is what I am going to do." I could tell he wasn't amused by me talking back to him, and I really wasn't going to deal with it until I had my book in my hand. Carefully, I walked past him and grabbed my book from the middle of the shelf. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief was giving me the childhood I never had while also being relatable as hell. "You don't need Percy Jackson right now. I do."

"Haven't you read it like three times, Fennie?" Oh, who gives a shit how many times I've read it. You've read War and Peace three thousand times and yet you still find something new in it each time you read it. Let me read my book in peace. "You said you thought that was 'adorable'."

"It is when you're not being a hypocrite."

"I am not--"

"Just say you're stressed and using this as a way to run from your problems and we can be done with it, Edward!" I stopped and took a deep breath that I desperately needed. "Why are we fighting over this right now? I want to read my book and you have something you want to say."

My mate didn't speak for a time, staring like a vampire would at its prey. What hurts is that he won't just tell me what's happening in that old brain of his and insists that I somehow read his mind. If Edward doesn't tell me, how am I supposed to know?

"...She vexes me," Edward admits, finally. "Isabella Swan vexes me in ways I didn't think were possible. Not being able to go near her without fear of killing her? I can't even look too long, get a glimpse of her habits or how she interacts with the world. I can't make someone whose supposed to be the center of my world invisible to my eyes and my heart."

"Her being your blood singer vexes you, not her."

"The world vexes me with its cruelty in giving me a mate I can't hold and cherish because I want to tear into her throat like a rabid animal."

Somehow my mind wandered away from the subject, if just for a moment, and I wondered if this is what Jacob Black felt like when he found out that he would have to share me. If his world felt wrong and unjust, cruel even. These things are supposed to work, Carlisle said so, but what happens when a member of the group thinks the situation impossible.

Just like Isabella Swan being both a blood singer and a mate feels like an impossible combination, maybe Jacob feels that with me and the rest of the Cullens.

"Fennie, you're spacing again." Edward placed a cold hand on my cheek, pushing it towards him. "Thank you for dealing with me."

"You're welcome."

I felt a bit emptier than before.