Every Single Spark

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            I've been always happy and contented in my life until my sister committed suicide. And the things is: I don't know why. I never thought that something like this could possibly happen. I've been always close to her. She knew me completely from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I thought I knew her same as she knew me, but then I was wrong.

            I saw her as a beautiful, strong and intelligent person. And focusing to these positive attributes, I haven't see that she was dying in the inside and is wounded. Not knowing that all she wanted was a shoulder to lean on.

            According to the investigation, she attempted suicide because of depression. Depression caused by belonging to a broken family. You see, both of our parent have their own families now. Findings also shown that my big sister suffers ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and is dealing with aggression. I also have known that there are records of management treatments given to her by her psychologist.

            Every day of my life, I've been asking myself: "How could I not know? What kind of sister am I to her? Of all the people, why didn't she trust me? Why didn't she let me decrease her overwhelming feeling of melancholy by my sisterly love, comfort and support?

            Now, almost all our relatives keep on sending us flowers, home-made foods and sympathy cards. All left untouched. How I wish that I can trade these things to take back my sister's life.

            I went upstairs and started to pack my things. Maybe this is the best way to stop the grief which is like a fire in my heart burning my whole self. Maybe this is the best way to forget the pain. Maybe this is the best way to say goodbye to my sister and the memories we shared to stop the pain. Maybe this is the best way for me to stop hurting.

            Afterwards, I put all my luggage in my car, bought some flowers, and headed to the cemetery. It's been a week since we buried her body. There are still not much of Bermuda grass alive.

"Hi, Big sister."

            I can't stop the feeling of extreme sadness, I burst into tears.

            "I just wanted to say goodbye. 'Cause I'm tired and weary feeling the pain of your departure. I love you very much my sister."

            I put on the flowers I brought for her on her tomb. My eyes are red and teary so I put on my sunglasses. I headed back into my car and drove my way to the airport.

            I seated in the waiting area and read my book entitled "Red Queen". Then suddenly, I heard someone talking.

            "Hey! You'll absolutely love Mare!"

            I look around and found no one is paying attention to him, so I pointed myself and asked: "Me?"

            "Absolutely'

            "Ahh, well then, I don't know much of this book yet. I just started.

            I removed my sunglasses to talk to him with respect and he gasped.

            "Oh my! Your eyes are red."

            "Haha! Are they? Really?"

            "Yeah, you must have been hurt. Maybe that's a possible reason for you to leave this country, huh?"

            And all of a sudden, I found myself telling all my stories and all I've been through to him. To him- who is a stranger.

            Afterwards, I heard the All-passengers-please-proceed-to-flight-number-blah-blah sound. I wiped my tears, smiled and told him: "It's time to go."

            "Yeah, I think I should go too."

            "This is not your flight? You're not going to Paris?"

            "Nope, I'm going to Vancouver not to Paris. I should be in the terminal 3 but I just wanted to wander around the airlines, then I saw you."

            I was surprised that all I had said was: "Good bye then."

            "Don't say goodbye. Goodbye means leaving and forgetting. I don't want to be forgotten. Like your sister, she doesn't want to be forgotten. She want you to stop hurting but stay in here" He pointed in my heart. "She wanted to stay in your heart always and forever. Just treasure the memories even though if it hurts. Because those memories once made you happy. Don't dump the privilege of having them."

            I'm struck. How could be a stranger say such wise words to me. It is as if he's in my shoes. I ran out of words. All that I had said was: "Yah, maybe you're right.

            He looked at his wrist watch and said: "Got to go" and ran while waving at me.

            But then my feet feels like has its own brain and went after him. I made it fast but I didn't saw him in the corridor. I saw the janitor and asked if he saw him as I describe his characteristics to the janitor. Then the janitor replied: "I've been cleaning this hallway and I assure you that I saw no one come out."

            I walked back to the departure lounge and headed to the airplane. I saw a flight attendant and ask her the time of departure of flights to Vancouver in terminal 3.

            "Uhmm... there's no flights to Vancouver, Canada for this day. Possibly, flights are tomorrow because of some weather disturbance in the destination."

            I was terrified was an understatement. I asked myself: "Was he's a ghost or something?" I'm really confused.

            I'm starting to scare and convince myself that he was a ghost until I felt the cold breeze in my arms embracing me. And as the wind blows on my face, I suddenly felt peace inside of me. I feel him and my sister. It felt like I was loved.

            I was about to enter the plane not as fast as I whispered:

            "Thank You"