Rule and Ruin

twenty; the moon itself

chapter twenty.

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IT WAS A dreamless night.

She hadn't had one of those in days, so she felt strangely thankful for it. When she opened her eyes, she nearly cried when she wasn't greeted with those cursed grey walls.

The gentle white ceiling smiled down at her.

"Selene," someone said beside her.

She looked over at Nix.

Dressed in black cargo pants and a black tee, he sat upright in the chair beside her bed, staring intently at her. He looked tired. His lips curved down in an unsettled frown.

"Nicholas," she said back. She pulled herself to sit up against the headrest. She tried her best not to wince but every goddamned thing in her body hurt.

He stared at her. He just kept staring and staring until she felt like she was invisible. He ran his eyes down her body, clean and bandaged now, but still so bruised and so tainted. His mouth opened and closed, whatever words in his mind caught in his throat.

He blinked. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Sorry to disappoint," she said.

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. His lips quivered. "I- "

"Whose bed is this?"

"Ren's," he said with an empty laugh. "You can bet he had a fit about giving it to you."

"Oh. He didn't have to."

"Yeah except he did," he waved her comments away. "It's fine, we're working on setting up the other room for you and Adelaide."

Adelaide.

Her name rang in the room as a reminder of the night they parted.

They had both made sacrifices that night, and yet she was the only one who knew the consequences of being sacrificed.

Nix clenched his jaw and broke the silence. "Selene, I hope you know that when it comes down to things, I would always choose my sister over you."

There wasn't any cruelty in his tone. Just plain, brutal honesty. The world paused around them. His gaze on her never wavered as the truth he spoke layered the air around them like weights.

She broke out into a light smile. It felt so foreign, she wondered if she was doing it right.  "I know." She looked up at the ceiling. "I would have shot you myself if you gave up on her for me."

He matched her with a soft smile, knowing they were on the same page about priorities. Except there was a hidden pain in the crooked lift of his lips.

The look on his face was the same as the one from the night he left her.

"How is she?" she asked, more as a distraction for herself.

"She's fine. Slowly warming up to us," he said serenely. "You can meet her later."

Selene didn't know how to explain the slight fear that settled in her stomach at the thought of officially meeting Adelaide.

"Okay."

Silence dawned upon them again.

Selene closed her eyes and tried not to let her thoughts wander. But of course, they did. Even dreamless nights couldn't stop the nightmares that haunted her days.

She was still so tired.

"And you?" He asked softly. "Are you okay?"

Any answer would have been wrong, so she chose not to answer at all.

"Selene, I - "

"I hate my name," she interrupted. "I hate it."

He paused for a moment. "Why?"

I hate the way Wang says it. I hate the way he moaned it. I hate the way Dino says it. I hate the way they chant it. I hate the way they use it as a leash on me. I hate how dirty it sounds now. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

She said nothing.

"It means the moon," he said after a few heartbeats. "Your name. Did you know that?"

She didn't.

"Selene, the Greek Goddess of the Moon," he continued. "The personification of the moon itself."

The moon. Selene loved the moon.

"I like it," he said. "It suits you. A name fitted for a goddess."

She blinked rapidly because suddenly she felt like she was going to cry.

Nobody loved ruin more than the gods.